Doubts. They come at me when I’m trying to fall asleep at night, when I receive negative feedback, or when I hear/read about a hard story. For as much as I’m excited about adopting, the doubts still find their way in. They tell me that I’m not going to do well. They say I’m crazy to think about adding this new ‘complexity’ to my life. They tell me to take the easy road and ‘forget about it’.
As I’ve said before, I want to adopt transracially. I want to have a racially diverse family. This adds another element of doubts that come against me. Will I be able to appropriately help my adopted child(ren?) to know their cultural background? Will I know how to take care of their unique needs that are different from mine? For example, non-white hair and skin needs. Will I be able to parent them well enough so when they become adults and leave our home they can enter society well prepared? I am acutely aware that parenting a transracial child will be different than parenting my biological children. Can I do it?
Does anyone else out there struggle with doubts? Does anyone else out there wonder if what they *think* they heard from God was actually Him? Doesn’t it seem like it’s supposed to be easy if we’re following the steps that He’s laid out for us? That would make the most sense to me, but then I look at my past history in this area. Yes, there are times when it feels easy, but there are plenty when it’s just plain hard. After all, Jesus didn’t promise it’d be easy. In Luke 9:23 Jesus said,
Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny theamselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
However, despite the hardships we carry when we follow Christ, we also experience great grace for what He’s called us to. He gives us peace, hope, and joy. Sometimes it seems like when Satan comes against me, God’s grace comes to me in greater measure! God provides what I need to make it through all that His call on my life requires. Paul prays in Hebrews 13:20-21:
Now may the God of peace ... equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
I have definitely experienced His grace and goodness while following God’s call. I see it again in our adoption process. In the midst of the swirl of confusion – clarity. In the midst of the chaotic thoughts – peace. In the midst of the fears – love. I hear God say to me: ‘I made you for this. I called you to adopt transracially. I put this dream in your heart. It wasn’t from you, it was from Me.’ And once again, I know I am fully supported by the ONE who knows everything. I have the strength yet again, to take the next step forward, to learn the next thing, and to speak out again in truth. God’s grace and goodness propel me onwards to follow His call.
It’s true, I’ll make mistakes while following His path. I won’t do everything right. In fact, it’s like this in every situation in which we choose to put ourselves ‘out there.’ We fail… but we will succeed too. We risk… and we keep faith. We worry… but we have hope. We are courageous. We have the ability to do something that frightens us and come out FEARLESS! I will put my insecurities in the place they belong – with God, not with me. I’ll take the dream that He’s given me and take it step by step. I’ll trust that He knows the best path for me and follow it. What will you do with your God-given dreams? Will you turn back when doubts assail you or will you find courage and strength to keep pressing onward?
2 thoughts on “Doubts”
I remember well a few years after my husband left and our house was going through foreclosure. I knew I needed to find another place to live with my 3 little kids. I didn’t worry, I refused to be angry because I knew that God is in control not me. I wasn’t afraid that I wasn’t able to work because of the cancer and chemo I was going through. And then my dear friend, Pam, suggested I apply at the complex where she was living. I did and shortly after we moved into an apartment by Pam.
I remember being with my folks for a few days. When my children are I returned it was very hot outside. As I opened my apartment door I saw again how God was taking care of us and blessing us. In the middle of our living room was a brand new fan just waiting to be turned on.
Again God used my friend Pam in a really neat way. She not only bought the fan for us, but she delivered it to my apartment and had already cooled our place. All I had to do was turn the fan on. My son James, was 2, but he reminded us we needed to stop and pray not only thanking God, but also four friends, the Putman’s. God is good and I learned many things about Him through Pam and Bob. They blessed my life in many ways those tumultuous years. “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21. And Whatever you have learned or received or heard from Me, or seen in Me – put it in to practice. And the God of peace be with you. Phillippians 4:9.
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21.
I was a brand new Christian and He taught me much about Him, through the Putman’s. I hear they are still putting His Word into practice!
Oh, I love this! I didn’t know this part of your story! Thank you so much for sharing it. It’s precious. This is the body of Christ at work! God is really SO good and the way we can partner with Him to love those around us and bring more of His Kingdom (Heaven) down to earth is quite amazing. Thanks again for sharing how doubts were met with ‘Faith like a child’ and ‘Loving one another’.