God – Page 5 – Brittany M Putman

One Hundred Kids

Do you know what seems pretty impossible? Having 100 kids biologically. The most recorded number that any one mother has ever had is 69! Even though it’s over halfway there, it’s still not 100. When I was little I remember thinking, ‘I want to have 100 kids when I grow up!’ But even then, I knew that wasn’t physically possible. So I told myself, ‘I guess I’ll just have to have an orphanage.’

Family of Feodor Vassilyev whose 1st wife had 69 children

Orphanages…

I’m not sure why so many of my childhood thoughts revolved around orphanages. Maybe it’s because my brother was adopted out of one. Maybe it’s because my grandmother had lived in one. Maybe it was just all the popular movies of the 80s and 90s that focused on children in orphanages – think Annie, Anne of Green Gables, and other such stories. But, orphanages were in my play and in my perceived future.

God speaking…

I didn’t dwell long on the idea of having an orphanage with 100 kids in it. I went about my life of growing up, going to college, getting married, and so on. Yes, from time to time I remembered that ‘silly childhood thought,’ but I didn’t give it any weight. Until…

When I was a newly married woman, I started attending a Charismatic church. The talk about the experience of the Holy Spirit was different from my Evangelical upbringing. Eventually, I started learning about prophecy and how God can speak to us in so many ways. Very vividly, this childhood statement came back to mind. Was it a prophetic message from God? Was He trying to tell me something through this? What could it mean?

Asking…

So, I began asking God if this thought was from Him or if it was just a childish notion? If it was from God, was it for now or sometime in my future? Was it literal or figurative? I mean, how could it be literal from God when I’m pretty sure that the last US orphanage closed by 1979 and I don’t feel a call to overseas missions? If it’s figurative, what part of my life does it intersect with; children, students, friends, mentees, etc?

Comparing…

Whatever this is, it hasn’t been as clear cut as the time God spoke to a man who was praying over Putty and said that he saw an albatross bird flying over an ocean (and other things). Umm… Yes, Putty was about to go out on a mission trip to China that would change his life! It hasn’t been as obvious as the word I received in February 2009 and just read again recently that said, ‘Playing Piano: take time to worship on your own’. What is God calling me into right now – ten years later? Playing piano and worshiping on my own! It’s amazing how His words come to pass literally (playing piano and worship) and figuratively (an albatross flying over the ocean).

What I do know…

Even now, what I do know about the orphanage thoughts is that it lines right up with my desire to have children. It lines up with my heart for orphans and children in need. It lines up with God’s call for us to bring a child into our lives through adoption, whether a true orphan or an ‘emotional/spiritual’ orphan. God has been speaking. He’s been speaking since my childhood! He’s been gently guiding my future and now is the time to get my feet on the ground and start running with it! I’m so excited to bring the next child into our family.

Listening, Waiting, Responding…

We can all hear from God. We should hold onto the things we think God has spoken over us. We need to be ready to move if He shows us something in alignment with those words. It might take a long time, but what is important is the process of listening, waiting, and responding. God can and does speak to us, even as a child.

Liquid Love

A few years ago, I began to hear that some people have experienced God’s love like a liquid that was either poured over them or filled them from head to toe. What a wonderful expression of the Father’s love for us. How amazing that we can feel something so tangible from an ‘unseen’ God!

Waiting for it…

The way people explained this liquid love made it seem so good! I received prayer to know the Father’s love more deeply and tangibly. I had hopeful expectation that I’d get that ‘liquid love’ sense, but I didn’t. I knew God loved me. That was never up for debate. I was happy about my history with the Father, but deep down, I did want to experience that tangible love. I kept waiting… for years.

Inviting Him in…

Then, one night as I was trying to drift off to sleep, I suddenly started to feel fearful. Oftentimes my mind plays out the story of whatever bad thing that fear depicts and then I either try to ignore it or pray about it. But this night was different. As soon as I recognized that this was fear, I stopped those spiraling thoughts in their tracks! I said, ‘Holy Spirit, Jesus, Father, I invite you and I ask you to come now.’ I knew that only He could keep the fear from going any further.

Swaddled in Love…

Sure enough, I suddenly felt His ‘arms’ all around me. Since there were three that I invited in (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) I actually felt surrounded on all sides. But it wasn’t like actual arms hugging me because it was more all-encompassing, like I was being held, not just hugged. I felt a slight pressure around my body and then I realized that I was also feeling heat. This warmth moved from the outside-in. Then, it hit me! This is God’s love dispelling my fear!

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear… 1 John 4:18a

What I was experiencing was comforting and loving, but it was not what I would describe as ‘liquid’ love. So how would I describe it? A cocoon came to mind, but that’s not really very appealing to me. It seems a bit…binding.

Then I saw it. It was like being swaddled. Babies love to be swaddled because they can sense the bounds of where they are and they are warm and… they know they are safe – and that’s how I describe what I felt that night. I was swaddled in God’s love by the Heavenly Father himself.

A loving father holding his swaddled child

There are so many times when we hear other people’s stories and experiences and we hope for the same exact experience for ourselves. But we serve a unique and creative God. He shows us His love in ways that make sense to our individual personalities! So, we can learn to trust God to give us our own, unique experiences with Him! It’s okay if they’re different from others’ or even from our own expectations. As we continue to lean into the Father, we will see how He is showing us His love in an individual and unique way.