God – Page 3 – Brittany M Putman

Could This Be Our Match?

January 24, 2020 brittanymputman

Wednesday…

It was a Wednesday afternoon. The kids had just come home from school when I saw an email from our adoption agency. They had an expectant mother they’d be showing family profiles to in the next week and they wanted to show ours to her. Our criteria fit her situation very nicely, the only problem… we weren’t done with our profile book yet! Actually, we weren’t even close.

I quickly forwarded the email to my husband, Putty, with only one word in the message, “Read!!!!!” To say I was a little excited would be an understatement. The experience of this, our first message about a potential match, jolted my being into a heightened sense of anticipation. But it quickly crashed. Even after forwarding the email for Putty to read, I knew that realistically we couldn’t pull this thing together. I was already preparing myself to hear him say, “No, it’s not possible to get it done in time.”

Well, he got home from work and I eventually brought up the email. Instead of giving him a chance to dash my hopes with realism, I said that as exciting as it would be, maybe we should let them know that we won’t be able to have the book done in time. He agreed.

Shutterfly offers a digital program to make a book as well as other photo sites

That night, I had to talk to God about this possible match. I could tell I really longed to make everything work out so that we could present a profile book to this mother along with the other families’ books. I wanted to be picked and be on our way with preparing for our new addition. (It’s a little like when you’re trying to get pregnant and you think and hope you might be pregnant, but it’s too early to take a pregnancy test.)

What I heard from God wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I very clearly felt like He was saying this wasn’t the match for us. Even though it was exciting, I shouldn’t get connected to this match because it wasn’t His choice for us. My heart was sad, but I also felt peaceful about it. I know that it’s better not to rush into things, and if we finished our book to present to this expectant mother, we would definitely be rushing and ‘making things happen’ on our own.

Friday…

Each Friday we make a plan for what we need to accomplish that weekend, what we want to accomplish, and what would be fun to accomplish that weekend. The Friday following the adoption match email was no different. We started adding things to our list so we could discuss and make decisions on how this weekend would look for us. It was apparent to us that we needed a weekend that wasn’t filled with tons of stuff to do. We have had a lot of busy weekends with more to come, so we left a lot of space open.

I suddenly realized that I never emailed back our adoption agency about the potential match. I dragged myself to my computer to carry out my assigned task of responding to them. I wasn’t looking forward to telling them, “No, not this time,” but I knew I had to. I let them know where we were at in the process of finishing our profile book and said we’d be working on it in case they wanted to share about our family even without being able to show the book. We definitely planned to finish it, we just couldn’t do it so quickly.

With that email sent, we continued to finish off the things on our list. It all went pretty quickly and Putty realized he felt a bit of creative energy building to work on the adoption profile. So, that afternoon he went to a coffee shop to work on the design of the book from the plan he had worked out weeks earlier. I had the fun task of going through all our photos and uploading relevant ones to a digital album where he could access them and use them in the book. I loved going through our family photos from over the years and looking at each photo to see what ones would tell the best story from a first glance. But more than that, I was excited that we were once again moving forward on our adoption process.

Saturday…

True to our need, we took a slow Saturday morning. The kids played on screens which gave us extra time to sleep and do devotional time and reading. It was soooo needed and really recharged us. We called the kids up from screen time and got breakfast out for them. Putty was doing some Bible time and so, we didn’t see him at the breakfast table. Eventually he told me he wanted to ‘just take a little more time’ on the adoption profile book. I definitely was happy to give him as much time as he wanted. So, as his creative energy flowed, I kept the kids (and myself) occupied.

As time went by, I started to wonder if Putty had eaten breakfast without me knowing it. He really seemed to be working on this book for a long time. Surely, he had taken a quick break to get a bit of nourishment and then headed back to his design work. The hours came and went and I began lunch preparation. That’s when Putty called me to see what he had done. He had practically finished the book! He looked at the clock and couldn’t believe his eyes! “Is it really time for lunch already? I just worked through breakfast! I didn’t realize I had been doing this for so long.”

It was pretty surprising. After planning our weekend to have some slow times, we seemed to fill it with working on the profile after all. The slow time and the motivation from Wednesday’s email, seemed to be just what we needed to make a big dent in this huge project.

Sunday…

By Sunday evening, we were ready to put the finishing touches on our Family Adoption Profile. We finalized which photos we were going to use, we tightened up some of our text and reviewed our work. I was in awe of this book that came together so quickly over the weekend. A weekend we hadn’t planned to use in this way and a project that we didn’t want to rush. As we pressed ORDER, I was so thankful for the way this all worked out for us! Because the work came out of rest, it wasn’t rushed and we weren’t depleted by it. We really made something we were proud of and will one day be very happy to share with our adopted child.

This book really synthesized what our family is about. We got a chance to reflect on this crazy journey of the Putman family and put into words and photos all that’s come about since we said, ‘I do’ 14.5 years ago. Our family is filled with adventure, love, family, fun, friends hope, community, and above all of that a desire to follow hard after God. It made me take notice of how many opportunities we’ve had for travel, international relationships, and cultural diversity. I reflected on the family and friends in our lives and feel so grateful for the support and love all around us! From all this, we created something that shares the broad overview of our current life in a really neatly designed, compact package.

So, this time I couldn’t wait to email our adoption agency again. “We finished our adoption profile book! But, unfortunately, they won’t arrive until the following week. So, we won’t have them this week. We’ll leave it up to you if you’d like to show us to this expectant mother or pass this time around.” I hadn’t heard anything since our last email sent on Friday, so I was interested to see if there was any way we could still be shown to this mother.

However, I still had the feeling that this wasn’t the baby God had for us. I tried to rationalize that maybe I didn’t hear God correctly and was trying to help myself feel better about not having a profile book ready. This was on Friday. I tried to rationalize that maybe God really was trying to keep us from rushing, and now we hadn’t. So, maybe He’ll work it out so that we can be shown (and chosen) after all! This was on Sunday. Still, on Monday I shared with Putty that I wasn’t sure this was supposed to be and I asked if he’d gotten any sense. He hadn’t really prayed specifically about this one because it was so early in the process and the mother hadn’t even chosen us at this point. That made a lot of sense-wait until there’s more details before trying to plan everything.

Tuesday…

Well, Monday came and went. No email from our agency. On Tuesday morning I got the email I had been waiting for. It seemed like even if we had been able to get our profile in for the proper week, the birth mother wanted to look at families immediately and had already made her choice on Thursday. We were out of the running before the race even began! I felt a mix of emotions. I was sad because I had hoped that maybe this would be it. Maybe it really would be ‘this easy and quick.’ This news hit me a little bit like when you think you’re pregnant and then realize one way or another that you actually aren’t. So, it’s onto the next cycle of waiting and hoping.

At the same time, I was relieved. I’m glad to know so quickly that it wasn’t going to work out and I could let go of that hope for this time and maintain waiting on God for our child. I was encouraged too. This was confirmation that I had heard God correctly. Time and again I seem to need affirmation that I hear God’s voice correctly and this was another of those instances. I also felt thankful that God didn’t have our agency respond to us until after we finished our profile. Honestly, this whole bunch of excitement coupled with the let down was worth it because it got us moving on the adoption profile book and lit a fire under me once again to keep pressing into the adoption process. What a big weight off our shoulders to be done with such a big step in this process.

The Following Wednesday…

So, what’s next? Well, I’m writing this blog and reflecting on how this past week has affected my thinking, feeling, and actions. The holiday season really put the adoption process on hold as so many other things took priority, but now it’s over. Now, my mind and heart are feeling the familiar tug of growing our family. I’m excited to keep learning about interracial adoption, adoption in general, and waiting with anticipation for our adoption match.

We still don’t know the definite way that our adoption match will come, but we’re trusting God and asking Him to lead the process. Maybe we’ll be matched through our small agency (Illini Christian Ministries), maybe we’ll be matched through an adoption attorney or larger agency, or maybe there’ll be some sort of connection made through our personal contacts. We don’t know, but we trust that God does and in that trust we will remain steady and full of hope and anticipation.

Adoption, God, My Story

Truth Among Questions

January 17, 2020 brittanymputman

Unexpected News…

I saw her clench her arms around her stomach and double over. She leaned into the wall behind her and slid down to a sitting position. She looked like she was in pain. She was crying and almost seemed oblivious to the fact that I was clearly able to see her. I asked God if she was sick because that’s the only thing that made sense to me. I wondered if I needed to help her in some way or just stay out of the way.

Then, I clearly sensed Him tell me that she was pregnant and it was unexpected. She had just found out and the news was overwhelming to her. She didn’t know what she was going to do. All the questions came at her. What will her parents say? What will her friends say? What will she do about this? Who can she trust with this information? Who will help her?

Immediately, I started to pray for this woman, and not just her, but all women who find themselves in this situation. I pray that they would have the Holy Spirit’s comfort. I pray for people to come around them and help them through this unexpected turn of events. I pray that God will give them grace to choose life over death for the baby. I pray that their fear will give way to hope. I pray that they can see the sunshine through this rain. I pray for peace to drive out all the overwhelming feelings. I pray for Jesus’ perfect peace to rest on their minds and bring clear-thinking to them.

Why didn’t I go over to her, you may be asking. Well, God was speaking to me in a dream. I wasn’t physically in the same place as this person. I don’t even know if she is real, but what she represents is very real. The sense that God was calling me to pray was very real. It was an intense moment to cry out for women who are pregnant with a child that for one reason or another they can’t keep. A child whose very life is in the hands of its momma.

Questions and Lies…

As I’ve waded through my decisions regarding what type of adoption process we should head towards, I have reflected a lot about WHY we are choosing private adoption. Is it just because WE want it? Does it seem to be selfish? Is it just the ‘easy way out’? Why would we choose this option instead of just having another biological child or adopting a child who’s already in existence? Why are we putting our hat in the same ring as so many couples who can’t conceive? We aren’t infertile, so are we taking away another person’s chance to adopt? It just doesn’t always make sense.

These are very real and hard questions to face. It puts me looking straight into the eyes of a lot of self-revelation. My people-pleaser part starts to rear its head. It says, ‘You should be doing what most people will approve of.’ Don’t most people think that an adoptive couple with biological children should only adopt orphans or kids that would have the hardest time finding a family?

‘This is the easy way to adopt,’ lies the idol of comfort. It might seem that way, but, no. This is not any easier than other adoption processes. There is still plenty of hard stuff.

My competitive side shares another untruth, ‘Why are you competing with infertile couples for children? Don’t you know that there’s only so many babies and that you’re ‘taking’ one from a couple who REALLY wants a child?’ Am I really intentionally taking away the chance for another couple to experience parenting?

Answers & Truth…

I have to decide should I approach my adoption experience with all these other considerations in mind? It’s taken some time, but God made it clear that I need to listen to Him. I’ve written about this before, but don’t you know that the old patterns try to keep creeping in. So, I once again find myself reminding me what God said. God made it clear to adopt through private domestic adoption. He’s reminded me that my adoption process might not look the same as the other people I know who have adopted. He’s reminded me to be secure in Him and His plan for us.

As I reflect more on this, He’s shown me some other things that help me stay in the mindset of keeping God’s plan first rather than the opinions of others. He’s shown me something for each member of the adoption triad: birth parents, adoptive parents, and the child placed for adoption.

Adoptive Parents (Us)…

First, God knows what my family can handle right now. He knows our schedule (present and future) and He knows each of our specific capacities in life. He has led us to private domestic adoption because He knows that it’s what is BEST for our family right now. So, the people-pleaser lie can stand down.

Child to be Adopted…

Second, a newborn placed for adoption has no choice in where he/she will grow up. But that doesn’t mean this child isn’t thought about by God. God knows what family will be good for each child. It could be possible that the best place for any given child is with our family and that makes my perceived ‘competition’ with infertile couples irrelevant. It’s not competition, it’s about finding a home for the child and I trust God to help with that decision regardless of who’s in the pool of families to choose from. The competitive lie can stand down.

Birth Mother/Expectant Mother…

Lastly, the Birth Mother, or expectant mother (pre-birth), has been on my mind a lot more than I anticipated. The more I’ve learned about different stories and scenarios that prompt some expectant mothers to make adoption plans, the more I seem to be putting myself into their shoes. What an incredibly hard decision this must be! And even if it’s an obvious choice to make a plan for adoption, the expectant mother is still sacrificing by allowing her baby to grow in her and be birthed through her! This is an incredible gift made by ANY biological mother.

What really comes to mind is how big of a choice the expectant mother is making when she chooses the parents of her unborn child. This mother is shown family profiles and then she can meet a few of the people to see how well they connect. Ultimately, she is the one who chooses the parents-to-be for her baby. This is hard stuff!

I realize that what I can give to an expectant mother before she even chooses the adoptive parents is a choice. I can give her my family as a choice for her baby. Without prospective adoptive parents doing the hard work to be approved to adopt, the expectant mothers wouldn’t have these families as choices. I’m so glad that what I can first give to a birth mother is another good option for someone to raise her baby. The lie of taking the easy way out can stand down.

Prayer Request…

This is a complicated process. I’ve really enjoyed learning so many more of the ins and outs related to adoption. I am glad that God’s been giving me more compassion towards expectant mothers. I had already felt an innate compassion towards the unborn child, but this is new territory. Please join me in praying for the entire adoption triad as we move forward with our next step in our adoption process – being a good choice for an expectant mother.

God, My Story

My Blogging Journey

December 20, 2019 brittanymputman

A Common Question

I now understand why so many bloggers eventually ask their readers, “What topics interest you the most?” If I asked that question, I’d mostly want inspiration. I’d want to hear something in the answers that excited me to write. I’d want direction. I’d want to hear something in the answers that gave me guidance when I felt ‘all over the place’ in my writing styles or subjects. I’d want affirmation. I’d want to be encouraged that what I’m writing is bigger than myself.

These things are great if the focus of my blog is others-oriented. But then I remember WHY I’m writing. I didn’t start blogging to eventually make it a business. I didn’t start blogging to make a name for myself. I didn’t start blogging because I was so passionate about a specific subject that I wanted to super-focus on it. No, I started because it was God’s idea.

From Chaos…

Photo by Startup Stock Photos on Pexels.com

Nearly nine months ago, as I was wrestling with a jumbled up pile of thoughts running through my head, I felt God say that I should start blogging. I was surprised, to say the least, because I had no desire to try to ‘build’ something like this. I didn’t want the responsibility of producing posts, being on a schedule and doing it well. Of course, one might say that I didn’t have to have any of that, but I knew without a schedule, I wouldn’t keep it up.

As I strongly considered that maybe this really was God’s voice and that He probably knew what He was doing in asking me to write, I began to write. I started sharing little by little with people, ‘I’m going to start a blog.’ It felt so odd to say that and also a bit self-promoting. However, as I wrote my posts, I found that I really wanted to share them with people. I wanted to let others know more about me and have somewhat of a dialogue about the things going through my mind. I wanted to connect with a wider group of people than those I see day to day.

to Order…

When I stepped out in obedience to God’s prompting, I didn’t know how much it would change me. You see, God wasn’t asking me to write for the sake of ‘making a name for myself’ nor was He asking me to write solely to help other people. He actually wanted me to write for my own good!

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

As I’ve spent these last nine months writing about the things that come to mind, my blog has become a bit of a ‘polished’ journal. It’s helped me clarify my thoughts in ways that thinking alone couldn’t do. It’s helped me interact with a wide range of topics that I come in contact with on a regular basis; things like adoption, racial awareness, storytelling, life choices, music, singing, biblical ideas/commentaries, my past, my present, my future, and so much more. I am more grounded because I’m writing and I’m more organized in my mind and heart.

plus Connection…

God’s so good that not only have I become more settled within myself, but I’ve connected with people I haven’t had the chance to interact with regularly. I’ve reconnected in a new way with family and friends that live far away. I’ve more deeply connected with the meaningful people in my life just because I can interact on my own time table (no time constraints or scheduling to figure out). Additionally, I’ve always been a bit of a social butterfly and this has been such a fun way to have a chance to interact with more people on a semi-regular basis. I feel more alive now that I’m reaching out and sharing with people like this. It’s been so fulfilling in a new and refreshed sort of way!

Being a social butterfly with some friends!

and patiently waiting for Inspiration.

I find myself wanting to know which posts or topics people like to read the most, but then I remember that this blog was a gift to me from God. He’s the one who’s opinion and direction matter the most. So, when I am uninspired, I’ll wait and listen and hope to catch even the most fleeting idea for a post. Then I’ll start to write and see where Holy Spirit leads me. I’ll see how Holy Spirit took a passing idea and turned my thinking all around so that I look at it with a new perspective. And I’ll be excited to hear how my journey is encouraging, helping, and cheering others on as well.

I’m so thankful to be writing this blog and have a place to share my thoughts. I’m so thankful to each of you who read this blog and interact with me because of it. It’s been wonderful to connect and dialogue! It’s been so fun to share and receive feedback. I’m happy to be blogging and, I suppose, I will continue into the new year! 😉

P.S. Have you ever had something that you started so it could benefit you, but then it ‘got away from you’ and became others-focused? Did you feel like that’s where it was supposed to go or did you have to remind yourself that it was ALSO to help you in some way? I’d be really interested to hear about your experience(s).

God, Kingdom, Leadership, My Story

Get Used to It

November 22, 2019 brittanymputman

Waiting…

I waited and waited. After doing everything I could to fill the time, I entered the auditorium and hung out on the back wall. And then I waited some more. Would my husband, Putty, come in soon? Would he ever be done with his conversation? I wanted to find a seat together before announcements ended! I waited a little longer and decided to go out into the lobby to see what was taking him so long.

Looking for Sympathy…

As I exited the auditorium I saw Di, our then co-senior pastor, now founding pastor. She was a sight for my ‘sore eyes’. Surely, she would understand the annoyance I was going through. After all, she had been a pastor’s wife for decades at this point, and I was just starting out on this path. She finished a conversation and we made eye contact. I shared my pastor’s wife woe with her and her response caught me off guard. Did she really just say what I think she just said?

Get Used to It…

I went looking for sympathy and understanding, but all I got was, ‘Get used to it’. She said it with such authority and so matter-of-factly that I didn’t know how to respond! I quickly said some parting words and headed for my husband. Finally he finished up and we went into the church service together. But, Di’s words were still ringing in my ear. They kept coming back to me. What more did they mean?

The Right Word at the Right Time…

It became obvious that her words weren’t unkind or without compassion. No, they were the opposite. These were wise words from a woman who’s had her share of ‘waiting’ and having others ‘wait’ for her. In her nutshell of a phrase was a truth that has carried me all these years. I had a choice to make. I could choose to feel pity for myself and like I was bound to Putty’s schedule and choices, or I could come to terms with his work rhythms and make my own independent choices during these times.

The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry.
Proverbs 25:11 (MSG)

Like a Custom-made Piece of Jewelry…

As the proverb above says, I needed to hear this custom-made response at that time in my life. Through Di’s off-hand comment, God was using it to strengthen me for my journey ahead. That word was so powerful in empowering me to be ‘my own person’ that I frequently think of it again and again. I don’t think Di thought much about whether or not God was speaking through her at that moment, but I know she regularly lives a lifestyle that’s open to Holy Spirit using her in any circumstances. And He did.

Lori (left) and Di (right) praying for me in 2011. What a sweet time!

Just the Other Day…

Just the other day, I exited the auditorium again and caught the tail end of a conversation. There was another wife, waiting for her husband to be finished talking, praying, etc and I caught Di saying it again! ‘Get used to it!’ This time I saw the smile on Di’s face. I heard the encouragement in that phrase, calling us up to make a choice to ‘wait in the wings’ or ‘act while we wait.’ I’m so thankful for this wisdom and the encouragement of these words.

And Act…

I love how one life lesson hits so many other areas of my life. My newborn is crying non-stop, my toddler won’t eat her food, my elementary child is whining all the time… ‘Get used to it – and act.’ My boss isn’t recognizing my full potential, my friend doesn’t call me, my family lives so far apart – ‘Get used to it – and act.’ What areas do you feel God telling you to ‘Get used to it’? Where is he empowering you to make choices that move your life forward today?

God, My Story, Travel

What Is Your XYZ?

November 8, 2019 brittanymputman

2019 Travel…

This year has been pretty dynamic in regards to travel for me. Putty invited me to go along with him to the National Leaders’ Conference in England. I tried to give reasons why this wouldn’t be advisable, but I was pretty much told by a mentor that I had to go with him because it was an overseas trip! You see, I wasn’t too excited about figuring out how to reorder my life during this excursion, but with Putty’s invitation, the prompt from this mentor and many other encouraging words from others, I made the necessary plans to travel overseas.

While there, we connected with the National Directors of the Vineyards in the BeNeLux (Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg). They asked if we might be interested in coming to speak at their National Conference later in the year. I knew in my heart I would be going on this trip with Putty. He agreed and it was doubly confirmed when my mother broke out in tears of joy that I would get to see the place where she raised four of my siblings!

But in between these two trips, Putty received another invitation to speak at the Vineyard National Conference for the USA. Again, after such a great trip to England and a much anticipated trip to Belgium/Netherlands, I was eager to attend this conference with him too. We drove together to Ohio and had a great time connecting with so much of our bigger Vineyard family!

2009 Travel…

Getting ready for the long plane ride to China!

I forgot how much fun travel can be! Before I went to England, I hadn’t been overseas for the previous 10 years. That was another year of travel for me. In 2009, Putty and I went to China on a mission’s trip. We taught together, ate together, and had adventures together, although he had the biggest adventure alone when he got stuck in Hong Kong due to overlooking the number of visa entries he had. Oops!

Additionally, in that year we took a trip to California to visit our good, good friends and see the new life they were living out there. They had been called to help with a church plant and we were heart-broken to see them go, but we always made an effort to support them and help them follow the leading of God in this adventure.

Our other trip that year was to visit my brother & sister-in-law in Colorado. It was so wonderful to spend some extended time with them and meet their sweet cats. We hiked, ate good food, and enjoyed each others’ company. It was something that filled my heart as I reconnected with my brother who had lived ‘Out West’ for so many years prior.

Growth Years…

These two years, 2009 & 2019 will be marked as ‘Year of Travel’ as well as ‘Growth Years for Brittany.’ You know, as much as I balk at getting out of my routine and trying new things, I always end up better for it. As much as I dig in my heels and act like all the planning is overly stressful, when I’m on the actual adventure itself, I realize how much I needed a change. (Can I get an ‘Amen!’?) My regular routine is safe, comfortable, and at times boring. Traveling and new adventures are potentially unsafe, uncomfortable, and … exciting! So why do I resist it so much? It’s simple… I forget.

I Forget…

I forget the good things that come out of adventure and risk. I forget that life isn’t just about doing the same ol’ thing day in and day out, but it’s about LIVING! I forget that relationships develop differently in the unfamiliar than in the familiar. My husband once said in regards to something else that I needed to have a tattoo on my hand that said, ‘XYZ is fun!’ It was said a bit tongue in cheek, but the idea of it was that I needed a constant reminder because I seemed to forget so easily!

What is your XYZ?…

So what is your XYZ? What in your life do you KNOW is fun, but you keep forgetting? What do you resist doing only to discover that once you did it, it was actually fun and life-giving? For me, there are more things than travel that I forget are great. I forget that having deep talks with a close friend are really life-giving. I forget that spending time in reflection actually brings me to a clearer understanding afterwards. I forget that practicing my piano and singing really brings me a lot of joy! I could go on, but I’d rather hear from you. What is your XYZ?

Adoption, Bible, God, My Story

Michal & The Joy of the Lord

October 21, 2019 brittanymputman

Quiet Time…

There are times when I read my Bible and nothing notable stands out to me. Yet, I diligently read the Bible over and over again because I know it’s good for me. How do I know? Well, besides, ‘the Bible tells me so,’ it’s because of the times when things in the Bible do stand out to me! I wanted to share some thoughts that came to me while I was reading 2 Samuel 6.

Michal…

I always thought Michal, David’s wife, had a real problem for getting so upset with him for dancing and praising the Lord half-dressed in the streets. I mean, wasn’t he praising God after all? God wasn’t striking him dead and it seemed to be portrayed as a ‘good’ thing to do in the text. And even if she was upset with David, he was her king! Kings demand honor and respect whether or not we agree with them. So, why would she put herself in a precarious position by judging the king? This time reading through the story, I saw something a bit different than usual. I saw Michal as a person and considered her history…

Her Story…

…She’s in love with a man who has a rocky relationship with her father. But, he’s in love with her too and he asks for her hand. The father, thinking he can get rid of this suitor sends him on a crazy task in hopes that he’ll die trying or just give up. But he’s surprised. David has indeed done what Saul asks of him and Michal becomes David’s wife.

Michal and David probably don’t have the easiest of marriages. After all, over and over again, Michal’s dad, Saul, who’s also David’s boss, tries to harm him. Finally, it becomes apparent that Saul does indeed mean to kill David when he has the chance. David seemingly has no choice. Preservation of life demands that he run away, not to mention the godly promise of being the future king!

In an act of heroism, Michal says, ‘If you do not escape with your life tonight, tomorrow you will be killed.’ She lowers David out the window and when the guards come to the house to search for David, Michal tells them he’s sick in bed, hoping this would buy them some time. It doesn’t work. The guards go to the bed and pull back the covers only to see that a dummy has been made to look like David and placed in bed. David was already out the window and making his get away to Samuel the prophet.

As David stays away from home in order to save his life, Michal is left on her own. Saul eventually decides to give her in marriage to another man. Over the years this man seems to come to love Michal deeply as is shown later in the story. When David’s kingship is being established, he requires that his first wife, Michal be returned to him. As she is being transported to David, her husband follows behind, weeping. The first question that comes to mind is, who would Michal rather be with at this stage in her life? Her first love or the man who she’s currently with? Poor Michal must feel like a pawn being fought over between two kingdoms – Saul’s line and David’s line.

The Hurt and Pain Shows…

We get a glimpse of how she might be feeling when David returns from retrieving the Ark of the Covenant. He’s praising God and dancing in celebration of the Ark being brought to his city that he unashamedly ‘leaps and dances before the Lord.’ The Bible tells us that when Michal saw this from her window, she despised him. That word carries such weight. I imagine that all the resentment, hurt, and pain of her life comes out against David as she sees him full of joy. How long has she held onto the pain of his earlier abandonment, even though she encouraged it? How long has she held onto the hurt of being taken, some might say kidnapped, from her second husband that she had made a life with during the years David was gone? It seems like the hurt, resentment and possible unforgiveness clouded her vision to see the joy of the moment – God’s presence entering the city. The only way she could respond was with disrespect and judgement towards her husband. Still, even with all this backstory, there had to have been a way for redemption.

“David Brings the Ark to Jerusalem” by Darlene Slavujac, 1993

My Own Hurt…

This led me to look at my own life more closely. How often do I have resentment towards other people and miss what God’s doing in and around me? How many times have I judged someone or something (an organization maybe) because of the pain and hurt caused to me. In what ways is that unforgiveness and bitterness robbing me of the ‘Joy of the Lord’?

Let’s bring it to a very real place in my life. During my elementary aged years I had to be interviewed by a DHS (Department of Human Services) worker to determine if a certain person had ever abused me. You see, I was in frequent contact with a man who had an allegation made against him of abusing a child from nearly a decade earlier – this child now being a teenager. I was interviewed by the DHS social worker assigned to the case in a one-on-one meeting – this being necessary so that no other person could potentially influence my responses and answers. The worker who interviewed me made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. He asked me questions that I didn’t want to answer or think about. I had not been abused and so it was hard for me to come to terms with and have an understanding of what he was suggesting. In that interview, I felt like my innocence was being stripped from me. I felt dirty just thinking about the things he was insinuating.

That interaction and process put a bad taste in my mouth for Social Services. I held onto a dislike for ‘the system’ for YEARS! I was afraid of the people and didn’t trust the system. I had bad memories and images in my mind from the questions I was asked. I couldn’t get over the feeling of being sullied and I was angry that I had to ‘grow up’ sooner than I should have.

But finally, in my adulthood, God came to me in a new way. He gently prompted me to receive some deep inner healing prayer. Through those hours spent praying, I was finally able to release my judgement of DHS and other social services. I was able to forgive the institution that made me see parts of life I never wanted to know about. In relinquishing my right to judge, God peeled back the layers of hurt and moved me towards freedom. Freedom to trust, freedom to see the good in systems and freedom to regain my childlike innocence.

The Joy of the Lord…

And now, I’m working with social workers and allowing them to privately interview my own kids in order to be approved for adoption. I can tell you, it was really hard to feel comfortable allowing each of my kids to be interviewed privately by our caseworker, but I also have come to trust. Through establishing a relationship with our caseworker, I could see that she is not like the social worker that interviewed me so many years ago. I’ve also learned from others who have been through this before, that the adoption questions are super general and don’t go towards subjects that I had to discuss so many years ago – unless there was a good reason to. After my kids came out from interviewing, each of them was so happy and excited that they got to have a special part in making our adoption approval come to fruition. I’m so thankful that I have presently and will see in the future the ‘Joy of the Lord’ while working with this institution towards adoption!

Trust, Honor, Respect…

Reading Michal’s story and trying to imagine what life might have been like for her really helped me to get a different idea of why she responded like she did. It also helped me to apply it to my own life circumstances. I have had enough negative experiences to be able to feel justified in holding a grudge against people and even against my king, Jesus/God. But if I did that, then where would I be? I’ve chosen to release my judgement of situations because I don’t know all the details. I can’t know all the possible outcomes or all the spiritual forces happening behind the scenes. BUT, I do know that I can trust God to bring about good in my life through the pain and trials. I can choose to see the ‘Joy of the Lord’ in my past, present and future. And even when I don’t understand, I still choose to honor and respect my King, Jesus. I know one thing, when given the opportunity, I will dance with great abandon in the presence of the Holy Spirit/God.

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness (joy) of the Lord in the land of the living.
Psalm 27:13

Adoption, God, My Story, Praise and Worship

Espresso & Mocha

October 11, 2019 brittanymputman

First, I blogged…

I began blogging because I had so many things inside that I wanted to share with people, but it just didn’t seem like there was often a lot of time to ‘shoot the breeze.’ The blog has been a great place for me to share my stories, reflect on how God’s been a part of each of them, and dream about my future. It’s helped, healed, and grown me in ways I didn’t know would happen when I started. It wasn’t my idea to start blogging, it was God’s. So, a few weeks back I decided to blog about a joy that was given to me during a painful transition in my childhood – a Siamese Kitten. That kitten was so special to me and I was very sad when I had to give him up after only a year or so because we were moving to a new home and couldn’t have the cat.

Fast forward to not long ago. It was the end of the work week after what had been a very busy week and preceding weekend. I getting some rest time in before the kids came home from school and another busy weekend began. At this point Putty, my husband, had been on a work trip for nearly 1.5 weeks and I was being intentional to get some down time in whenever possible. I decided to read that afternoon, but as I was reading I felt very strongly like I needed to get up and make a video recording of a praise and worship song that had been on my heart that week. After I finished, I sat back down to upload the video and continue reading and that’s when I received a text notification.

Then, I Received…

I received a text from my mom. She had been volunteering at the Humane Society/Animal Shelter when she happened to come across some new kittens that were just put out for adoption… Siamese kittens! She stopped in her tracks and couldn’t believe her eyes! She talked with God about how I had just blogged about my first Siamese kitten and then less than 2 weeks later, here were adoptable ones just the same! She heard God tell her that these kittens were a gift to me, her daughter. As soon as she could, she sent me a text about these kittens.

I played it cool and tried not to get too excited about them. I had a number of reasons why it wasn’t the time for us to adopt kittens, the biggest of which was that my husband was across the globe in Australia! How could we make this decision and why on earth would he agree to adopting them without meeting them?

Then, Mom sent me the links for the pictures of these kittens. My heart fell for them immediately. Not to mention, their names were already meant for us: Espresso & Mocha! We love coffee. That was that. I texted my sister to get another opinion and while I was texting I started to cry over the possibility that these kittens could be mine! I didn’t understand it, but it sure felt like a confirmation that God was leading me to keep exploring the idea of adopting these kittens. So, I texted Putty and his response floored me. He told me that he couldn’t really discern one way or the other if we should get these cats, but that he felt positive that God was telling him to go with my lead on this. So, the decision was up to me.

I quickly asked my friend to come babysit, then asked Mom to meet me at the Humane Society, and I was on my way to see these little ones. I knew that I needed to take the next step of seeing them in person. On my way, I asked God about these kittens and He told me that they were a gift for me if I wanted them and that He has already provided for us to have these two join our family. I cried tears of joy. He also reminded me how I had just posted a video of me singing Reckless Love by Cory Asbury only a few hours earlier. This song always reminds me of adoption and here I was going forward with a potential adoption! I was racing after these kittens just as God chases after us.

I met those sweet kittens and I already felt like they were mine. I didn’t need a lot of time before heading to the front desk and letting them know I wanted to apply for adopting them. In the time it took me to fill out my paperwork, two other interested people changed their minds and adopted other pets. I couldn’t believe it! I was going to be first in line to adopt them! What are the chances? Well, pretty good when God is presenting you with a gift and you walk the steps out to receive it or in this case, them.

Now, I Steward…

The next day I went shopping for new cat items even before hearing that I was approved to adopt them. Then I got the call that I had been approved and could come pick them up in a few hours! Immediately after the kids came home from school I got us all in our minivan and we were on our way. The kids didn’t know what was about to happen. They thought we were just going to take a trip to the Humane Society and see some animals that Grandma wanted to show them. They were so excited when after seeing them for the first time I announced that we were going to bring them home. Right away their hearts moved towards the kittens, holding nothing back.

It’s been so fun to see the kids and the kittens interact. They have so much fun together. It’s been great to see how much my husband loves having kittens around again and it reminds me of how much he loves even the littlest creatures and how gentle he is with them. And every time I see them or tell the story of how we got them, I’m reminded that God loves me and still wants to give gifts to me, even 25 years later!

Adoption, God, My Story

Adoption Update: October 2019

October 10, 2019October 13, 2019 brittanymputman

Home Study Two-Thirds Complete…

I’ve been getting a lot of questions recently about how things are coming along with our adoption. Well, they are going very well! We’ve had two out of three home visits with our amazing case worker and our last one is scheduled for early November! You know, when I first heard about home studies, I thought they were going to be this mountain to climb and hopefully succeed, but so far, it hasn’t been too terribly difficult. A lot of that has to do with our AMAZING case worker and also my organized nature. I already had a lot of the things readily available that were required to submit for our home study and if I didn’t, I knew where to quickly get them.

So, what has been involved in our home study this far? First we had to make copies of all our legal documents; birth certificates, marriage certificates, drivers licenses, health insurance cards, veterinarian statements and tax returns. Then we asked our places of employment to fill out some forms verifying our employment, asked for reference letters from pastors and non-family friends, got a counselor reference (because I see a counselor), and showed a plan for who would take our kids in the unlikely event of our deaths. These last things we had to rely on other people for and I’m so thankful for all the people who helped with these details!

Finally, we had to get fingerprinted and background checks for both State and FBI, get tuberculosis tests to ensure we didn’t have that disease and schedule physical exams for all members of our household. We also had to fill out a ‘financial diagnostics’ form and a fire safety evacuation plan. We went through a number of child recall lists to ensure that nothing in our house was on those lists and we filled out a special needs approval list stating what special needs we’d feel comfortable taking on in an adopted child. Phew! I know, it seems like a lot, but we just kept ticking the boxes off and making our way through the list. We still have more time consuming things to complete, but they’ll get done and then we’ll be even closer to being approved to adopt!

Finding a Match…

Many people are curious to know where we will ‘find our baby.’ In the private adoption world this is called ‘being matched with a birth mom.’ There are a number of ways to be matched; agency assisted adoption, attorney assisted adoption, or independent adoption. This is simplified from the many sub-types under each of these.

Agency assisted adoptions are like using a middle man to do the matching. We can submit our family profile to them and they can show it to birth mothers whose criteria matches ours. If a birth mother selects us, then we’d meet in person and eventually a birth mother would choose us to potentially adopt her baby. I say potentially because there’s always the possibility that the birth family will choose to keep the baby after birth.

In Attorney assisted adoption things can be similar to the agency adoptions in the sense that the attorney has a pool of families that they can suggest to birth mothers. However, an agency offers extra things that an attorney doesn’t always do. This doesn’t mean that attorney assisted adoptions are better or worse, just that they’re different. It really depends on your unique needs as a family.

Finally, an adoptive family can do an independent adoption. I’m using this term to mean that the adoptive parents somehow found a birth family on their own. This is all about the matching phase remember. Most adoptions will still have an attorney in them at some point and some families choose to have the agency assist in other ways with the adoption outside of the matching process. So, the most commonly thought of story here is that a friend of a friend knows someone who’s having a baby and hoping to make an adoption plan. They introduce us to the birth mother and after meeting we all decide if this would be a good match. Then you take things from there to an agency/attorney.

Honestly, we do not know clearly which way God is moving us yet. We know that we need to get the home study done because all these options will require an approved home study. But how we’ll find our birth mother match still feels like we’re on hold with the exact details. We’re staying open to God’s leading on this one and just taking it all one step at a time. The details that we are clear on is that God has a baby (or baby + another child 2 years and under) for us somewhere and that this baby will be non-white. We have an idea of what race and gender we think we’re expecting, but again, we’re just praying and waiting on God to bring us together with the birth mom that He has for us.

Fundraising…

Fundraising – a necessary step in many adoptions. Adoption can be expensive. There are so many little things to buy here and there; so many tests and appointments to make. There are fees to pay for services, training, and other such things. The little bits really add up over time, but the biggest expense will be the Placement (Matching) Fee if we go with an agency or attorney. Obviously these people put in time and effort to help birth moms and adoptive families meet and decide on their next steps. This is their literal day to day job and their work is important. In order for them to continue making these joyful connections in other people’s lives, they need to be paid! So, this is where the price really jumps up as opposed to meeting a birth mother on your own. It’s estimated that we’ll need at least $20,000 baseline for adoption through an agency or attorney.

With this in mind, we’re beginning the fundraising process. We have pretty good reason to believe that we’ll be approved to adopt and so it’s a good idea to begin gathering the money we’ll need in order to pay for the expenses associated with adopting a child. We’d like to be ready for a lengthy wait or for an unexpected and quick placement. This is why we’re beginning to ask for financial help even before having a completed home study.

And so, would you consider helping us adopt our next child? We would be so blessed to receive from anyone that feels led to sow into this very special part of our lives. We have a set up an adoption fund through The Vineyard Church of Central Illinois. You can give in two ways. The first way is to write a check to The Vineyard Church in the amount you wish to donate. If you’d like it to be tax deductible, do NOT write our names on the check (or cash in an envelope). Instead, include a note with the check indicating where you’d like this money to go. You can hand the check directly to Putty or me, OR you can send it to the church at: 1500 N. Lincoln Ave, Urbana, IL 61801.

The other way to give is online. There will be a fee involved if giving this way, so part of your donation will go towards the credit card fees. The link to donate by card is: https://thevineyardchurch.ccbchurch.com/goto/forms/989/responses/new

Wrapping it Up…

Thank you so much to everyone that’s already been asking us how things are going with our adoption. It’s fun to finally talk about something that’s been on my heart for years! I’ve loved hearing your own stories of adoption and I look forward to continuing to connect with you through the blog or in person. Thank you all so much and please continue to pray with us that God will help us find the right match. Thank you!

God, My Story

The Shock and Shift of Life

September 28, 2019 brittanymputman

The Perfect Life…

I literally thought I had the perfect life. Of course, I was eight years old and didn’t really think about what an ‘imperfect life’ would be. That is, with the exception of the commercials I saw of children in foreign countries with flies buzzing around their faces. That obviously wasn’t perfect. The child-like joy of life is not to worry about what could be, but to live in the moment. I lived in the moments with my family.

We played together, we ate together, we went to church together. One fun memory was the night when we rented a VCR from the video store and picked out a movie to watch together as a family. That was a highlight for sure! …But then something happened that shattered the innocence of my ideal world.

The Moment of Change…

I’m not alone in what I’m about to share. There are so many other people who have lived this story or variations of it, but when its happening to you, it feels like you’re the only one in the world experiencing the shock and shift of life. …My parents got divorced. I no longer had both parents at home to spend evenings and weekends with; both parents to eat a Sunday dinner together after a morning spent at church. I was now a child of a single father and a single mother.

I had no way of knowing what this would do to my life. I barely even knew anyone who had divorced parents because my world was pretty small. What do you do with something like this when such a big change happens? It’s not something that eventually goes away, although I prayed nightly that my parents would get back together again. It’s not something I would hide since I’m an external processor and I needed to talk to people in my inner-circle, but not immediate family, about the changes in my life.

Self-Shame…

There was so much self-shame I experienced because now I was a child in ‘one of those families’ through no fault of my own. I grew up being taught that ‘divorce is wrong’ and ‘God hates divorce’ and all of a sudden those same people who had taught me these principles and rules now broke covenant with each other and with me. I didn’t know what to do with it! I didn’t know how to reconcile what was happening in my life with the things I had been taught. I didn’t know how to mend and fix the brokenness. Where do I go? Who do I talk to? I was so filled with shame to be a child of a divorced family.

Here to Stay…

But there was One. There was always One…The One, God, my Heavenly Father. I am so thankful that I believed in Jesus as my Savior from such a young age. When my heart hurt, I could pray to Him. When I didn’t understand what was happening, His arms surrounded me. When relationships, finances, housing, family, and school was just plain tough as a result, He was ready and waiting to listen. God was my anchor. He was my provider. He was my steady place. What I learned about God in this part of my life has carried with me. What was hard pressed and shaken in my life, resulted in new strength and fortitude. I discovered the truth of the verse below because of my connection to God through the hard time.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:8-12 (NIV)

I was not alone. I could always turn to God. When things in my life weren’t perfect… He was.

My friends wrote a song birthed out of their experiences of meeting the ‘God who stayed with them’ always and through everything. Be encouraged and lifted up by the One who is ‘Here to Stay.’

God, My Story

Finding Beethoven

September 21, 2019 brittanymputman

Siamese Cats…

When I was young, my neighbor friend, Dana, had a few Siamese cats. I really liked her cats and thought that surely these were the best cats around since my friends’ family loved them so much. My soon-to-be sister-in-law’s family had a Siamese cat too and so, it seemed like everyone had one.

I began asking my Mom if we could have another cat. Nevermind that we already had a cat, I wanted a Siamese cat. I wanted to be like my friend and own these stately cats that walked with their heads held high. They were beautiful to me with their light and dark brown fur and blue eyes. I dismissed the notion that Siamese cats were somehow cruel – what Lady and the Tramp would want us to believe. No, these cats were my kind of cats.

Our cat, Snowball
Siamese cats of Lady and the Tramp

Not in the Cards…

Mom knew that we couldn’t just up and get a Siamese. They were expensive and who knew where you could find a breeder? This cat wasn’t the kind that we could regularly find at the Animal Shelter either. However, she could see the depth of desire I had for one of these pets. She desperately wanted to give me something that would make my heart soar.

Now, lest you think my Mom was indulgent, that wasn’t the case. My parents were going through a divorce and it was really hard on all of us as a family. Finding ‘the little things’ to brighten our days was important. And so, Mom prayed. She prayed that there would be a Siamese cat for our family.

Finding Beethoven…

Well, wouldn’t you know, Dana had just found a little kitten in her neighbor’s yard. The kitten had been hiding in a house corner when she noticed it’s little curled up body. She immediately took that kitten into her home to make sure it was safe from harm. This kitten was a Siamese! First they tried to find the owner, but no one came forward. Her mom told her that they already had enough cats and couldn’t keep this one too. So, they offered the cat to me!

I was so ecstatic and Mom said I could keep it! We took this little scrawny kitten home and gave it a bath, where my sister picked off a lot of fleas. We made up a little cardboard box and covered it with a soft blanket. The kitten immediately crawled in and made himself at home. I put a worn out stuffed animal next to him too, you know, because kittens like stuffed animals! Hey, it made sense in my child’s mind. We named him Beethoven, after my current favorite animal movie of the same name.

Beethoven getting comfy in his new home.

Good Gifts…

Little did I know that Mom had been praying for this gift. Years later, she shared with me that she always wondered if an angel had brought our cat to us. I wasn’t sure what to think. Did angels still help out humans? Would they do something as simple as leaving a new pet for a child? Why would they care? Well, it’s not so much just the angels, but God who sends them. God the Father loves His children and cares for them. He can send angels to do tasks as joy-giving as leaving a very specific Siamese kitten for a little child going through a painful time in her life.

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”
Matthew 7:11 ESV