We can finally, officially say that our home study has been finalized and approved! This means that we can adopt at any time! This means we can put ourselves out there so that expectant moms wanting to make an adoption plan can confidently know that we are approved to adopt. This means we can apply for grants and scholarships! There are so many things that can happen now that we’ve been approved.
The Wait…
I hear that what we’ll do most in this stage is wait. Because of the type of adoption we’re doing, we’ll be waiting to for an expectant mother to hear about our desire to adopt and then choose us to be the prospective adoptive parents of her child. The decision is first up to the expectant mother.
What to Do?…
With that in mind, there are still things we can do while we wait. First, we need to make up a profile book about our family so that an expectant mother can get a first glimpse of who we are and what type of family her child might be raised in. If the mother feels some connection to us after viewing this book, she can request to meet us in person. From there we’d just see how things feel on both sides and continue steps either towards or away from working on adoption together.
Second, we’ll be getting the word out that we’re hoping to adopt. It’s not unlikely for a friend of a friend to know an expectant mother who is looking to make an adoption plan. If this happens, then we’ll all start the process of meeting and deciding if working towards adoption together is in everyone’s best interest.
Third, we will start working more diligently on our fundraising and grant/scholarship plans. We definitely want to include many people in our adoption process and so far we’ve asked mostly for prayer and reading our updates, but helping financially is another practical way to help us make this dream into a reality!
More Specific Information…
There are more specifics to our adoption process than what I’ve shared in Social Media. If you’d like to ask more specific questions of us, please feel free to Comment, send me a Facebook Message, or even ask me in person! I definitely want to talk about this topic with people, but I probably won’t bring up details unless I know it’s something you’re interested in dialoguing about.
Thank You…
Again, we want to thank all of you who have been so supportive on our adoption journey this far! We’re really excited and it’s been so wonderful to see the various ways people have offered their support as we’ve delved into the adoption process. Thank you!
I waited and waited. After doing everything I could to fill the time, I entered the auditorium and hung out on the back wall. And then I waited some more. Would my husband, Putty, come in soon? Would he ever be done with his conversation? I wanted to find a seat together before announcements ended! I waited a little longer and decided to go out into the lobby to see what was taking him so long.
Looking for Sympathy…
As I exited the auditorium I saw Di, our then co-senior pastor, now founding pastor. She was a sight for my ‘sore eyes’. Surely, she would understand the annoyance I was going through. After all, she had been a pastor’s wife for decades at this point, and I was just starting out on this path. She finished a conversation and we made eye contact. I shared my pastor’s wife woe with her and her response caught me off guard. Did she really just say what I think she just said?
Get Used to It…
I went looking for sympathy and understanding, but all I got was, ‘Get used to it’. She said it with such authority and so matter-of-factly that I didn’t know how to respond! I quickly said some parting words and headed for my husband. Finally he finished up and we went into the church service together. But, Di’s words were still ringing in my ear. They kept coming back to me. What more did they mean?
The Right Word at the Right Time…
It became obvious that her words weren’t unkind or without compassion. No, they were the opposite. These were wise words from a woman who’s had her share of ‘waiting’ and having others ‘wait’ for her. In her nutshell of a phrase was a truth that has carried me all these years. I had a choice to make. I could choose to feel pity for myself and like I was bound to Putty’s schedule and choices, or I could come to terms with his work rhythms and make my own independent choices during these times.
The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry.
Proverbs 25:11 (MSG)
Like a Custom-made Piece of Jewelry…
As the proverb above says, I needed to hear this custom-made response at that time in my life. Through Di’s off-hand comment, God was using it to strengthen me for my journey ahead. That word was so powerful in empowering me to be ‘my own person’ that I frequently think of it again and again. I don’t think Di thought much about whether or not God was speaking through her at that moment, but I know she regularly lives a lifestyle that’s open to Holy Spirit using her in any circumstances. And He did.
Lori (left) and Di (right) praying for me in 2011. What a sweet time!
Just the Other Day…
Just the other day, I exited the auditorium again and caught the tail end of a conversation. There was another wife, waiting for her husband to be finished talking, praying, etc and I caught Di saying it again! ‘Get used to it!’ This time I saw the smile on Di’s face. I heard the encouragement in that phrase, calling us up to make a choice to ‘wait in the wings’ or ‘act while we wait.’ I’m so thankful for this wisdom and the encouragement of these words.
And Act…
I love how one life lesson hits so many other areas of my life. My newborn is crying non-stop, my toddler won’t eat her food, my elementary child is whining all the time… ‘Get used to it – and act.’ My boss isn’t recognizing my full potential, my friend doesn’t call me, my family lives so far apart – ‘Get used to it – and act.’ What areas do you feel God telling you to ‘Get used to it’? Where is he empowering you to make choices that move your life forward today?
“They (my kids) don’t even know how much their life is going to change tomorrow!” I thought this on the eve of the birth of my third child. I had a scheduled C-section for the next day and I remember thinking that ‘overnight’ our family’s life would never be the same. The kids would go from having all my attention to a period when they really wouldn’t have much of my attention at all. My youngest would be forced to start allowing Daddy and other people to help him more because, as the preferred person to take care of ALL his needs, I’d be helping another little one more helpless than him instead. There were so many other ways that I knew our family wouldn’t be the same from that point on.
1st Born
2nd Born
3rd Born
In a way, I mourned what ‘had been’ in my life with each additional child. I had come to feel comfortable with the status quo and I knew what to expect and how to get things done. With trepidation, I anticipated the hard work ahead and the new adjustments that each family member would be making with a new addition. It wasn’t going to be a walk in the park.
Just the Other Day…
And now, just the other day I had the same thought come to my mind as I looked around the table at my sweet family. “The kids don’t know how much life will change when we add another child to our family.” Even if the children can remember some of the ways things changed with a new baby addition, they can’t begin to anticipate how a trans-racial adoption will add new and complex changes to our family’s life.
Just thinking about this brought about a little sadness to me. I love the family that I have right now. I love how we are and I love how we’re growing and changing. I love what I can expect and the stage that we’re in right now, but just like with each biological child addition, there will be changes with an adopted child addition too.
Positive Overshadows Negative…
But, haven’t I seen beauty in addition to the hardships? The positive impact of growing our family little by little has yielded much more good fruit than the bad fruit of the negative impact due to the loss of the status quo. It’s because of these positive additions to our lives, that we can do this over and over again. We have gained joy immeasurable! We have gained love unfathomable! We have gained compassion, grace, selflessness, and cooperation in ways unknown before we made these changes.
New Stages and Changes…
Yes, it’s true that my kids don’t know what life changes lie ahead for them, but I know that these changes will be far more good than bad. Even though it will be tough at the beginning as transition occurs, I know that once we get our new rhythm, we’ll be even more in sync than before. Our relationships will deepen with one another and we will get to include another human being in the mix to share in these intimate family times! Our family unit will be stretched, but it will also be strengthened.
I am really looking forward to this new stage in our family life – adoption – and all the unique changes that will take place. Yes, there will be sadness in the letting go of ‘what has been’, but I am looking forward with hopeful anticipation to the ‘what will be!’ Does this relate to any other parts of my life? I can think of lots of other ways that my life has faced changes that didn’t involve adding children. How about a new job/school/church, a new in-law/step-family/cousin, a new home location/town/state, etc.?
I’d love to hear from you! What have been areas in your life that you had to mourn the ‘what was’, but found great joy in the ‘what came’? Are you facing any situations like this right now? I pray that we all can look forward with hopeful anticipation in our current and upcoming life changes.
This year has been pretty dynamic in regards to travel for me. Putty invited me to go along with him to the National Leaders’ Conference in England. I tried to give reasons why this wouldn’t be advisable, but I was pretty much told by a mentor that I had to go with him because it was an overseas trip! You see, I wasn’t too excited about figuring out how to reorder my life during this excursion, but with Putty’s invitation, the prompt from this mentor and many other encouraging words from others, I made the necessary plans to travel overseas.
UKI National Leaders
BeNeLux National Leaders
While there, we connected with the National Directors of the Vineyards in the BeNeLux (Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg). They asked if we might be interested in coming to speak at their National Conference later in the year. I knew in my heart I would be going on this trip with Putty. He agreed and it was doubly confirmed when my mother broke out in tears of joy that I would get to see the place where she raised four of my siblings!
But in between these two trips, Putty received another invitation to speak at the Vineyard National Conference for the USA. Again, after such a great trip to England and a much anticipated trip to Belgium/Netherlands, I was eager to attend this conference with him too. We drove together to Ohio and had a great time connecting with so much of our bigger Vineyard family!
2009 Travel…
Getting ready for the long plane ride to China!
I forgot how much fun travel can be! Before I went to England, I hadn’t been overseas for the previous 10 years. That was another year of travel for me. In 2009, Putty and I went to China on a mission’s trip. We taught together, ate together, and had adventures together, although he had the biggest adventure alone when he got stuck in Hong Kong due to overlooking the number of visa entries he had. Oops!
Additionally, in that year we took a trip to California to visit our good, good friends and see the new life they were living out there. They had been called to help with a church plant and we were heart-broken to see them go, but we always made an effort to support them and help them follow the leading of God in this adventure.
Olsons, Putmans, Whiskers & Lan
Our other trip that year was to visit my brother & sister-in-law in Colorado. It was so wonderful to spend some extended time with them and meet their sweet cats. We hiked, ate good food, and enjoyed each others’ company. It was something that filled my heart as I reconnected with my brother who had lived ‘Out West’ for so many years prior.
Growth Years…
These two years, 2009 & 2019 will be marked as ‘Year of Travel’ as well as ‘Growth Years for Brittany.’ You know, as much as I balk at getting out of my routine and trying new things, I always end up better for it. As much as I dig in my heels and act like all the planning is overly stressful, when I’m on the actual adventure itself, I realize how much I needed a change. (Can I get an ‘Amen!’?) My regular routine is safe, comfortable, and at times boring. Traveling and new adventures are potentially unsafe, uncomfortable, and … exciting! So why do I resist it so much? It’s simple… I forget.
I Forget…
I forget the good things that come out of adventure and risk. I forget that life isn’t just about doing the same ol’ thing day in and day out, but it’s about LIVING! I forget that relationships develop differently in the unfamiliar than in the familiar. My husband once said in regards to something else that I needed to have a tattoo on my hand that said, ‘XYZ is fun!’ It was said a bit tongue in cheek, but the idea of it was that I needed a constant reminder because I seemed to forget so easily!
What is your XYZ?…
So what is your XYZ? What in your life do you KNOW is fun, but you keep forgetting? What do you resist doing only to discover that once you did it, it was actually fun and life-giving? For me, there are more things than travel that I forget are great. I forget that having deep talks with a close friend are really life-giving. I forget that spending time in reflection actually brings me to a clearer understanding afterwards. I forget that practicing my piano and singing really brings me a lot of joy! I could go on, but I’d rather hear from you. What is your XYZ?
There are times when I read my Bible and nothing notable stands out to me. Yet, I diligently read the Bible over and over again because I know it’s good for me. How do I know? Well, besides, ‘the Bible tells me so,’ it’s because of the times when things in the Bible do stand out to me! I wanted to share some thoughts that came to me while I was reading 2 Samuel 6.
Michal…
I always thought Michal, David’s wife, had a real problem for getting so upset with him for dancing and praising the Lord half-dressed in the streets. I mean, wasn’t he praising God after all? God wasn’t striking him dead and it seemed to be portrayed as a ‘good’ thing to do in the text. And even if she was upset with David, he was her king! Kings demand honor and respect whether or not we agree with them. So, why would she put herself in a precarious position by judging the king? This time reading through the story, I saw something a bit different than usual. I saw Michal as a person and considered her history…
Her Story…
…She’s in love with a man who has a rocky relationship with her father. But, he’s in love with her too and he asks for her hand. The father, thinking he can get rid of this suitor sends him on a crazy task in hopes that he’ll die trying or just give up. But he’s surprised. David has indeed done what Saul asks of him and Michal becomes David’s wife.
Michal and David probably don’t have the easiest of marriages. After all, over and over again, Michal’s dad, Saul, who’s also David’s boss, tries to harm him. Finally, it becomes apparent that Saul does indeed mean to kill David when he has the chance. David seemingly has no choice. Preservation of life demands that he run away, not to mention the godly promise of being the future king!
Gustave Doré (1865)
In an act of heroism, Michal says, ‘If you do not escape with your life tonight, tomorrow you will be killed.’ She lowers David out the window and when the guards come to the house to search for David, Michal tells them he’s sick in bed, hoping this would buy them some time. It doesn’t work. The guards go to the bed and pull back the covers only to see that a dummy has been made to look like David and placed in bed. David was already out the window and making his get away to Samuel the prophet.
As David stays away from home in order to save his life, Michal is left on her own. Saul eventually decides to give her in marriage to another man. Over the years this man seems to come to love Michal deeply as is shown later in the story. When David’s kingship is being established, he requires that his first wife, Michal be returned to him. As she is being transported to David, her husband follows behind, weeping. The first question that comes to mind is, who would Michal rather be with at this stage in her life? Her first love or the man who she’s currently with? Poor Michal must feel like a pawn being fought over between two kingdoms – Saul’s line and David’s line.
The Hurt and Pain Shows…
We get a glimpse of how she might be feeling when David returns from retrieving the Ark of the Covenant. He’s praising God and dancing in celebration of the Ark being brought to his city that he unashamedly ‘leaps and dances before the Lord.’ The Bible tells us that when Michal saw this from her window, she despised him. That word carries such weight. I imagine that all the resentment, hurt, and pain of her life comes out against David as she sees him full of joy. How long has she held onto the pain of his earlier abandonment, even though she encouraged it? How long has she held onto the hurt of being taken, some might say kidnapped, from her second husband that she had made a life with during the years David was gone? It seems like the hurt, resentment and possible unforgiveness clouded her vision to see the joy of the moment – God’s presence entering the city. The only way she could respond was with disrespect and judgement towards her husband. Still, even with all this backstory, there had to have been a way for redemption.
“David Brings the Ark to Jerusalem” by Darlene Slavujac, 1993
My Own Hurt…
This led me to look at my own life more closely. How often do I have resentment towards other people and miss what God’s doing in and around me? How many times have I judged someone or something (an organization maybe) because of the pain and hurt caused to me. In what ways is that unforgiveness and bitterness robbing me of the ‘Joy of the Lord’?
Let’s bring it to a very real place in my life. During my elementary aged years I had to be interviewed by a DHS (Department of Human Services) worker to determine if a certain person had ever abused me. You see, I was in frequent contact with a man who had an allegation made against him of abusing a child from nearly a decade earlier – this child now being a teenager. I was interviewed by the DHS social worker assigned to the case in a one-on-one meeting – this being necessary so that no other person could potentially influence my responses and answers. The worker who interviewed me made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. He asked me questions that I didn’t want to answer or think about. I had not been abused and so it was hard for me to come to terms with and have an understanding of what he was suggesting. In that interview, I felt like my innocence was being stripped from me. I felt dirty just thinking about the things he was insinuating.
That interaction and process put a bad taste in my mouth for Social Services. I held onto a dislike for ‘the system’ for YEARS! I was afraid of the people and didn’t trust the system. I had bad memories and images in my mind from the questions I was asked. I couldn’t get over the feeling of being sullied and I was angry that I had to ‘grow up’ sooner than I should have.
But finally, in my adulthood, God came to me in a new way. He gently prompted me to receive some deep inner healing prayer. Through those hours spent praying, I was finally able to release my judgement of DHS and other social services. I was able to forgive the institution that made me see parts of life I never wanted to know about. In relinquishing my right to judge, God peeled back the layers of hurt and moved me towards freedom. Freedom to trust, freedom to see the good in systems and freedom to regain my childlike innocence.
The Joy of the Lord…
And now, I’m working with social workers and allowing them to privately interview my own kids in order to be approved for adoption. I can tell you, it was really hard to feel comfortable allowing each of my kids to be interviewed privately by our caseworker, but I also have come to trust. Through establishing a relationship with our caseworker, I could see that she is not like the social worker that interviewed me so many years ago. I’ve also learned from others who have been through this before, that the adoption questions are super general and don’t go towards subjects that I had to discuss so many years ago – unless there was a good reason to. After my kids came out from interviewing, each of them was so happy and excited that they got to have a special part in making our adoption approval come to fruition. I’m so thankful that I have presently and will see in the future the ‘Joy of the Lord’ while working with this institution towards adoption!
Trust, Honor, Respect…
Reading Michal’s story and trying to imagine what life might have been like for her really helped me to get a different idea of why she responded like she did. It also helped me to apply it to my own life circumstances. I have had enough negative experiences to be able to feel justified in holding a grudge against people and even against my king, Jesus/God. But if I did that, then where would I be? I’ve chosen to release my judgement of situations because I don’t know all the details. I can’t know all the possible outcomes or all the spiritual forces happening behind the scenes. BUT, I do know that I can trust God to bring about good in my life through the pain and trials. I can choose to see the ‘Joy of the Lord’ in my past, present and future. And even when I don’t understand, I still choose to honor and respect my King, Jesus. I know one thing, when given the opportunity, I will dance with great abandon in the presence of the Holy Spirit/God.
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness (joy) of the Lord in the land of the living.
I began blogging because I had so many things inside that I wanted to share with people, but it just didn’t seem like there was often a lot of time to ‘shoot the breeze.’ The blog has been a great place for me to share my stories, reflect on how God’s been a part of each of them, and dream about my future. It’s helped, healed, and grown me in ways I didn’t know would happen when I started. It wasn’t my idea to start blogging, it was God’s. So, a few weeks back I decided to blog about a joy that was given to me during a painful transition in my childhood – a Siamese Kitten. That kitten was so special to me and I was very sad when I had to give him up after only a year or so because we were moving to a new home and couldn’t have the cat.
Fast forward to not long ago. It was the end of the work week after what had been a very busy week and preceding weekend. I getting some rest time in before the kids came home from school and another busy weekend began. At this point Putty, my husband, had been on a work trip for nearly 1.5 weeks and I was being intentional to get some down time in whenever possible. I decided to read that afternoon, but as I was reading I felt very strongly like I needed to get up and make a video recording of a praise and worship song that had been on my heart that week. After I finished, I sat back down to upload the video and continue reading and that’s when I received a text notification.
Then, I Received…
I received a text from my mom. She had been volunteering at the Humane Society/Animal Shelter when she happened to come across some new kittens that were just put out for adoption… Siamese kittens! She stopped in her tracks and couldn’t believe her eyes! She talked with God about how I had just blogged about my first Siamese kitten and then less than 2 weeks later, here were adoptable ones just the same! She heard God tell her that these kittens were a gift to me, her daughter. As soon as she could, she sent me a text about these kittens.
I played it cool and tried not to get too excited about them. I had a number of reasons why it wasn’t the time for us to adopt kittens, the biggest of which was that my husband was across the globe in Australia! How could we make this decision and why on earth would he agree to adopting them without meeting them?
Mocha & Espresso
Then, Mom sent me the links for the pictures of these kittens. My heart fell for them immediately. Not to mention, their names were already meant for us: Espresso & Mocha! We love coffee. That was that. I texted my sister to get another opinion and while I was texting I started to cry over the possibility that these kittens could be mine! I didn’t understand it, but it sure felt like a confirmation that God was leading me to keep exploring the idea of adopting these kittens. So, I texted Putty and his response floored me. He told me that he couldn’t really discern one way or the other if we should get these cats, but that he felt positive that God was telling him to go with my lead on this. So, the decision was up to me.
I quickly asked my friend to come babysit, then asked Mom to meet me at the Humane Society, and I was on my way to see these little ones. I knew that I needed to take the next step of seeing them in person. On my way, I asked God about these kittens and He told me that they were a gift for me if I wanted them and that He has already provided for us to have these two join our family. I cried tears of joy. He also reminded me how I had just posted a video of me singing Reckless Love by Cory Asbury only a few hours earlier. This song always reminds me of adoption and here I was going forward with a potential adoption! I was racing after these kittens just as God chases after us.
I met those sweet kittens and I already felt like they were mine. I didn’t need a lot of time before heading to the front desk and letting them know I wanted to apply for adopting them. In the time it took me to fill out my paperwork, two other interested people changed their minds and adopted other pets. I couldn’t believe it! I was going to be first in line to adopt them! What are the chances? Well, pretty good when God is presenting you with a gift and you walk the steps out to receive it or in this case, them.
Espresso
Mocha
Now, I Steward…
The next day I went shopping for new cat items even before hearing that I was approved to adopt them. Then I got the call that I had been approved and could come pick them up in a few hours! Immediately after the kids came home from school I got us all in our minivan and we were on our way. The kids didn’t know what was about to happen. They thought we were just going to take a trip to the Humane Society and see some animals that Grandma wanted to show them. They were so excited when after seeing them for the first time I announced that we were going to bring them home. Right away their hearts moved towards the kittens, holding nothing back.
It’s been so fun to see the kids and the kittens interact. They have so much fun together. It’s been great to see how much my husband loves having kittens around again and it reminds me of how much he loves even the littlest creatures and how gentle he is with them. And every time I see them or tell the story of how we got them, I’m reminded that God loves me and still wants to give gifts to me, even 25 years later!
I’ve been getting a lot of questions recently about how things are coming along with our adoption. Well, they are going very well! We’ve had two out of three home visits with our amazing case worker and our last one is scheduled for early November! You know, when I first heard about home studies, I thought they were going to be this mountain to climb and hopefully succeed, but so far, it hasn’t been too terribly difficult. A lot of that has to do with our AMAZING case worker and also my organized nature. I already had a lot of the things readily available that were required to submit for our home study and if I didn’t, I knew where to quickly get them.
So, what has been involved in our home study this far? First we had to make copies of all our legal documents; birth certificates, marriage certificates, drivers licenses, health insurance cards, veterinarian statements and tax returns. Then we asked our places of employment to fill out some forms verifying our employment, asked for reference letters from pastors and non-family friends, got a counselor reference (because I see a counselor), and showed a plan for who would take our kids in the unlikely event of our deaths. These last things we had to rely on other people for and I’m so thankful for all the people who helped with these details!
So much paperwork!
Finally, we had to get fingerprinted and background checks for both State and FBI, get tuberculosis tests to ensure we didn’t have that disease and schedule physical exams for all members of our household. We also had to fill out a ‘financial diagnostics’ form and a fire safety evacuation plan. We went through a number of child recall lists to ensure that nothing in our house was on those lists and we filled out a special needs approval list stating what special needs we’d feel comfortable taking on in an adopted child. Phew! I know, it seems like a lot, but we just kept ticking the boxes off and making our way through the list. We still have more time consuming things to complete, but they’ll get done and then we’ll be even closer to being approved to adopt!
Finding a Match…
Many people are curious to know where we will ‘find our baby.’ In the private adoption world this is called ‘being matched with a birth mom.’ There are a number of ways to be matched; agency assisted adoption, attorney assisted adoption, or independent adoption. This is simplified from the many sub-types under each of these.
Agency assisted adoptions are like using a middle man to do the matching. We can submit our family profile to them and they can show it to birth mothers whose criteria matches ours. If a birth mother selects us, then we’d meet in person and eventually a birth mother would choose us to potentially adopt her baby. I say potentially because there’s always the possibility that the birth family will choose to keep the baby after birth.
In Attorney assisted adoption things can be similar to the agency adoptions in the sense that the attorney has a pool of families that they can suggest to birth mothers. However, an agency offers extra things that an attorney doesn’t always do. This doesn’t mean that attorney assisted adoptions are better or worse, just that they’re different. It really depends on your unique needs as a family.
Finally, an adoptive family can do an independent adoption. I’m using this term to mean that the adoptive parents somehow found a birth family on their own. This is all about the matching phase remember. Most adoptions will still have an attorney in them at some point and some families choose to have the agency assist in other ways with the adoption outside of the matching process. So, the most commonly thought of story here is that a friend of a friend knows someone who’s having a baby and hoping to make an adoption plan. They introduce us to the birth mother and after meeting we all decide if this would be a good match. Then you take things from there to an agency/attorney.
Honestly, we do not know clearly which way God is moving us yet. We know that we need to get the home study done because all these options will require an approved home study. But how we’ll find our birth mother match still feels like we’re on hold with the exact details. We’re staying open to God’s leading on this one and just taking it all one step at a time. The details that we are clear on is that God has a baby (or baby + another child 2 years and under) for us somewhere and that this baby will be non-white. We have an idea of what race and gender we think we’re expecting, but again, we’re just praying and waiting on God to bring us together with the birth mom that He has for us.
Fundraising…
Fundraising – a necessary step in many adoptions. Adoption can be expensive. There are so many little things to buy here and there; so many tests and appointments to make. There are fees to pay for services, training, and other such things. The little bits really add up over time, but the biggest expense will be the Placement (Matching) Fee if we go with an agency or attorney. Obviously these people put in time and effort to help birth moms and adoptive families meet and decide on their next steps. This is their literal day to day job and their work is important. In order for them to continue making these joyful connections in other people’s lives, they need to be paid! So, this is where the price really jumps up as opposed to meeting a birth mother on your own. It’s estimated that we’ll need at least $20,000 baseline for adoption through an agency or attorney.
With this in mind, we’re beginning the fundraising process. We have pretty good reason to believe that we’ll be approved to adopt and so it’s a good idea to begin gathering the money we’ll need in order to pay for the expenses associated with adopting a child. We’d like to be ready for a lengthy wait or for an unexpected and quick placement. This is why we’re beginning to ask for financial help even before having a completed home study.
And so, would you consider helping us adopt our next child? We would be so blessed to receive from anyone that feels led to sow into this very special part of our lives. We have a set up an adoption fund through The Vineyard Church of Central Illinois. You can give in two ways. The first way is to write a check to The Vineyard Church in the amount you wish to donate. If you’d like it to be tax deductible, do NOT write our names on the check (or cash in an envelope). Instead, include a note with the check indicating where you’d like this money to go. You can hand the check directly to Putty or me, OR you can send it to the church at: 1500 N. Lincoln Ave, Urbana, IL 61801.
Thank you so much to everyone that’s already been asking us how things are going with our adoption. It’s fun to finally talk about something that’s been on my heart for years! I’ve loved hearing your own stories of adoption and I look forward to continuing to connect with you through the blog or in person. Thank you all so much and please continue to pray with us that God will help us find the right match. Thank you!
“Can’t you be white and sing gospel music?” This was food for thought brought to me by a black friend after reading through my post ‘Braids, Gospel, and Connection’. He really got me thinking. How would I answer this question? How would I honor both black and white people with my response? It felt like a loaded question with an answer that someone, somewhere would find fault with.
As I spent weeks, months even, thinking on this, I spun out different answers, but each of them fell short and cast a light on the complexity that such a question brings. I came to realize that I can’t answer this question for the vast majority of people. The only way to answer is to openly and honestly share my own thoughts on this. As I delved into what was behind my thoughts towards culturally or even stereotypically black things and the answers I came up with, I realized where I had errors in my own thinking, insecurities in my racial awareness, and how very scared I was to ‘open up a can of worms’ on this topic.
The Fears Within…
If I let my fear win and never respond, how can I ever be a part of healthy racial discussions? I really want to be safely free to ask questions about black culture and be willing to answer questions about my own culture. I wrestle with the worry, ‘Will my curiosity and naivete be misconstrued as belittling or racial bias when I ask questions or will it be seen as trying to understand another culture, black or otherwise, with openness and a desire to truly see from another perspective?
Out of Reach…
With that in mind – wanting racial & cultural understanding and my own self-exploration – I answer the initial question, ‘Can’t you be white and sing gospel music?’ The short answer is, ‘Yes.’ However, underneath this question seems to be, ‘Why did I perceive gospel music to be somewhat out of reach for me as a white person?’ As a child, I saw gospel music represented by mostly black choirs on CD covers, in movies, and in conversation. I felt like an outsider looking in because I wasn’t connected to a community that participated in this type of music.
Moses Hogan, Composer
True, I sang along to the songs that I loved and I imitated the stylist effects that I heard in gospel music at home, but I didn’t have an external outlet for it. When I reached high school and college I got to know about more traditional gospel and spiritual music through choir. When we got to sing a Moses Hogan song I was elated! It felt so good to sing with the depth of feelings this music evoked inside of me. But, I was also aware that it wasn’t ‘my’ music to own. I couldn’t fully give in to the passion of the music because it wouldn’t ‘look right’ for me as a white person to be ‘acting black’ while performing. Would my enthusiasm be misunderstood as me trying to be something I’m not? Would I be offensive to the culture that created this music? Would I be judged or laughed at? At what point could I be comfortable being white but fully engaging in something from another racial culture and at what point would that be acceptable to said culture or become offensive? What I was missing was a sense of permission to enter into this cultural context.
“Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery…
‘Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery…’ is a well recognized quote. We see something we like and imitate it because we want to be like it, or in this case, that people group. But, I once heard it suggested that white people are trying to take things that belong to other cultures and make them their own. Whether this was said in seriousness or as a joke, it brought up a new worry.
This topic is even addressed in the popular musical, Hairspray, when the black group of kids come up with some really cool music and the white group takes that music and presents it as their own in a more palatable-to-whites way. However, there are a few white people in this musical (the main character) that recognizes how awesome the black culture’s way of doing music is and is warmly welcomed into this new group. She and her friends break cultural barriers (in the 60s) to create racial unity.
Racial Unity through Dancing in the musical ‘Hairspray’
More recently while watching an African American sitcom, one of the black characters said, ‘Katy Perry wearing cornrows? Seriously? Can’t we have anything of our own?” So, still in today’s society, I worry, ‘Will another race or culture think I’m trying to ‘steal’ or ‘change’ something that was created by them just by expressing myself similarly? In my heart, I’m just doing my best to enjoy the creation from that culture.
…That Mediocrity Can Pay to Greatness”
Obviously, white people can sing and participate in gospel music. But for me, it really had to do with my fears of rejection, being misunderstood, and accidentally offending people. I needed to feel like I was permitted by this people group to do these things. These are big worries and concerns for a (recovering) people-pleaser like myself. If I’m really true to myself, then I say…bring on the gospel rooted music! Let it dive into my being and bring up the treasure of my soul. Let me try my best to imitate what’s been done even though it will have my own racial and cultural stylings too, because as the quote says in full…
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness
So, I’ve come to realize that some people will misunderstand me, others will critique me, and still others will cheer me on in this endeavor. But in the end, I need to decide how I will feel about me. I need to be true to myself and that means I need to freely sing gospel from time to time. It means that I will hold my head high, unashamed, as I respectfully engage more in this style of music. I can be white and sing gospel – and that’s not being dishonoring of my African American friends, but rather celebrating them and their cultural heritage!
I literally thought I had the perfect life. Of course, I was eight years old and didn’t really think about what an ‘imperfect life’ would be. That is, with the exception of the commercials I saw of children in foreign countries with flies buzzing around their faces. That obviously wasn’t perfect. The child-like joy of life is not to worry about what could be, but to live in the moment. I lived in the moments with my family.
My ‘Perfect’ Family
We played together, we ate together, we went to church together. One fun memory was the night when we rented a VCR from the video store and picked out a movie to watch together as a family. That was a highlight for sure! …But then something happened that shattered the innocence of my ideal world.
The Moment of Change…
I’m not alone in what I’m about to share. There are so many other people who have lived this story or variations of it, but when its happening to you, it feels like you’re the only one in the world experiencing the shock and shift of life. …My parents got divorced. I no longer had both parents at home to spend evenings and weekends with; both parents to eat a Sunday dinner together after a morning spent at church. I was now a child of a single father and a single mother.
Half my Family
I had no way of knowing what this would do to my life. I barely even knew anyone who had divorced parents because my world was pretty small. What do you do with something like this when such a big change happens? It’s not something that eventually goes away, although I prayed nightly that my parents would get back together again. It’s not something I would hide since I’m an external processor and I needed to talk to people in my inner-circle, but not immediate family, about the changes in my life.
Self-Shame…
There was so much self-shame I experienced because now I was a child in ‘one of those families’ through no fault of my own. I grew up being taught that ‘divorce is wrong’ and ‘God hates divorce’ and all of a sudden those same people who had taught me these principles and rules now broke covenant with each other and with me. I didn’t know what to do with it! I didn’t know how to reconcile what was happening in my life with the things I had been taught. I didn’t know how to mend and fix the brokenness. Where do I go? Who do I talk to? I was so filled with shame to be a child of a divorced family.
Here to Stay…
But there was One. There was always One…The One, God, my Heavenly Father. I am so thankful that I believed in Jesus as my Savior from such a young age. When my heart hurt, I could pray to Him. When I didn’t understand what was happening, His arms surrounded me. When relationships, finances, housing, family, and school was just plain tough as a result, He was ready and waiting to listen. God was my anchor. He was my provider. He was my steady place. What I learned about God in this part of my life has carried with me. What was hard pressed and shaken in my life, resulted in new strength and fortitude. I discovered the truth of the verse below because of my connection to God through the hard time.
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:8-12 (NIV)
I was not alone. I could always turn to God. When things in my life weren’t perfect… He was.
My friends wrote a song birthed out of their experiences of meeting the ‘God who stayed with them’ always and through everything. Be encouraged and lifted up by the One who is ‘Here to Stay.’
When I was young, my neighbor friend, Dana, had a few Siamese cats. I really liked her cats and thought that surely these were the best cats around since my friends’ family loved them so much. My soon-to-be sister-in-law’s family had a Siamese cat too and so, it seemed like everyone had one.
I began asking my Mom if we could have another cat. Nevermind that we already had a cat, I wanted a Siamese cat. I wanted to be like my friend and own these stately cats that walked with their heads held high. They were beautiful to me with their light and dark brown fur and blue eyes. I dismissed the notion that Siamese cats were somehow cruel – what Lady and the Tramp would want us to believe. No, these cats were my kind of cats.
Our cat, Snowball
Siamese cats of Lady and the Tramp
Not in the Cards…
Mom knew that we couldn’t just up and get a Siamese. They were expensive and who knew where you could find a breeder? This cat wasn’t the kind that we could regularly find at the Animal Shelter either. However, she could see the depth of desire I had for one of these pets. She desperately wanted to give me something that would make my heart soar.
Now, lest you think my Mom was indulgent, that wasn’t the case. My parents were going through a divorce and it was really hard on all of us as a family. Finding ‘the little things’ to brighten our days was important. And so, Mom prayed. She prayed that there would be a Siamese cat for our family.
Finding Beethoven…
Well, wouldn’t you know, Dana had just found a little kitten in her neighbor’s yard. The kitten had been hiding in a house corner when she noticed it’s little curled up body. She immediately took that kitten into her home to make sure it was safe from harm. This kitten was a Siamese! First they tried to find the owner, but no one came forward. Her mom told her that they already had enough cats and couldn’t keep this one too. So, they offered the cat to me!
I was so ecstatic and Mom said I could keep it! We took this little scrawny kitten home and gave it a bath, where my sister picked off a lot of fleas. We made up a little cardboard box and covered it with a soft blanket. The kitten immediately crawled in and made himself at home. I put a worn out stuffed animal next to him too, you know, because kittens like stuffed animals! Hey, it made sense in my child’s mind. We named him Beethoven, after my current favorite animal movie of the same name.
Beethoven getting comfy in his new home.
Good Gifts…
Little did I know that Mom had been praying for this gift. Years later, she shared with me that she always wondered if an angel had brought our cat to us. I wasn’t sure what to think. Did angels still help out humans? Would they do something as simple as leaving a new pet for a child? Why would they care? Well, it’s not so much just the angels, but God who sends them. God the Father loves His children and cares for them. He can send angels to do tasks as joy-giving as leaving a very specific Siamese kitten for a little child going through a painful time in her life.
“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”
Brittany M Putman 