God – Page 3 – Brittany M Putman

Living Simply: The Spiritual Discipline of Simplicity

May 1, 2020May 1, 2020 brittanymputman

What is it?…

So, I’ve been thinking about the Spiritual Discipline of Simplicity lately. Our church is doing a series on some Nurturing a Secret Place with God through Spiritual Disciplines right now and I’ve been asked to join a ‘Facebook Live Q&A’ about them, specifically for the simplicity portion. When I was asked, I literally thought to myself, ‘Simplicity is a Spiritual Discipline? What is it and why would I be the one asked?’ Haha. So, I’ve been spending time researching simplicity, assessing how it shows outwardly in my life and how it actually is inwardly. I’ve also reached out to my mom and sister to discuss simplicity in my family of origin and I’ve got to say… I’ve learned a lot.

As I’ve come to understand it, Simplicity is about having a single purpose and living from that purpose so that everything else is secondary to that purpose. Mainly this would be something like serving God, obeying God, or seeking after God and God alone. Often this inward purpose ends up pushing the need to have status or possessions aside in order to follow after God as the first priority.

So, simplicity might look like seeing a person who makes a purchase only after making careful consideration of how useful that item actually would be in their life. You might see someone giving things away because those practicing simplicity learn to hold material possessions very loosely. You might even notice that a person would prefer to borrow and rent things instead of buying them (think of all those library patrons) or enjoy public parks and other public places rather than going to a private, admission-only place. Also, people practicing simplicity learn to spend only the money that they have in order to live without debt. This allows the person to be easily moved whenever God leads them. They are not held back by debt, but can give generously and even physically move at the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Some of our favorite public places: Champaign Public Library, Museum of the Grand Prairie, and Local Garage/Fundraising Sales

Outward and Inward Simplicity…

These are just a few of the things I learned as I delved into my research on the Spiritual Discipline of Simplicity. Reading these things, I had to agree that yes, I could see why I might be asked to share on this subject. If I’m feeling especially critical of myself, I’d see the negatives and say it’s because I don’t keep up with the latest trends or fashions, my house and yard are yet to be fully decorated and landscaped, and I have a hard time spending money on extravagances. This right there would cause someone to outwardly think I’m living pretty simply.

But what about the spiritual side of it? What was happening inwardly? I mean, what I mentioned above was a negative outward view of myself and of simplicity. What is the inward reality of a person choosing to practice simplicity? As I looked around on various blogs and in books, I came to discover that simplicity seems to be largely geared towards living from a single purpose, and in the Christian’s sense, to be so focused on God and His purpose through you so much that nothing else really matters. I gotta admit, that didn’t seem like me. That seemed like my sister, or my husband, or anyone else, except me. Yes, I love God. Yes, I obey Him and live my life in a way that I hope pleases Him. But, I don’t feel very ‘focused’ on a single purpose, when I think about the scattered mess of a brain I’ve been known to have.

Looking Back…

So, dig a bit more, I did! Again, I wasn’t feeling very much like I had a lot to say on this subject, but I wasn’t going to throw in the towel just yet. I looked back into my past, my childhood, but this time with a more positive view. Yes, it’s true that I didn’t have a lot of things growing up. Our life was very simple. We often went to garage sales and second-hand shops for our clothes, shopped for generic brand food instead of name brand, and used up everything we owned, making sure it was well spent.

I always assumed this was because we didn’t have the money for the ‘latest and greatest’ things that other families had. It is true that when my parents separated we were on food stamps for a while and my mother received Welfare to care for us. This didn’t last forever, but it was a very memorable time in my child-life. Then, when my mom did get a job, we didn’t qualify for government assistance anymore and so I learned what it was like to live on the income of a single mother (+ child support). It wasn’t easy to go without so many things that I saw my friends have, but I will concede that I had my family and a few good friends to more than make up for what I didn’t own.

Missionary Family…

With this in my memory, I called Mom to confirm these things. Yes, all this was true, but then she revealed something I didn’t know. Something that I only experienced for the first eight years of my childhood and half of that was pre-memory age! She told me that after her and Dad had been missionaries overseas for a decade and had seen how so much of the world lives, they made a conscious decision to live simply in the USA. She said, “Both [your dad] and I determined after being around the world [that] we could only live simply because of the ethics of how most people have to live. We chose to give a lot of money to humanitarian [efforts] and missions. Something we could not have done if we lived like other Americans.” She went on to share that some of the church families with kids didn’t want to be friends with us because “we did not buy all the extra trappings of American lifestyle. It hurt me deeply but we were committed to simple living.”

Wait, what?!? Did Mom just say that my parents had a goal to live simply and that it wasn’t due to a lack of money, but because of a single purpose – to give to missionaries and humanitarian efforts? Did she really just say that I was raised in an atmosphere where the Spiritual Discipline of Simplicity was practiced on a large scale, the scale of our family’s life? Wow! I didn’t know that! It was AMAZING to find out. How wonderfully uplifting and what a big change in perspective of my childhood!

All of a sudden, so many things made sense to me! That’s why I got the hand-me-down clothes that had been through all the girls in another family before they came to me. That’s why we didn’t buy packaged food, but ‘had to eat lentils and other healthy foods!’ Yuck! (although, my sister loves lentils). That’s why we always had a car that regularly got ‘fixed up’ by Dad – a mechanic, instead of having a shiny new one! I didn’t know it was a choice for simplicity, I thought it was a result of not having money.

The house where my parents lived while missionaries. They decorated with donated items and lived with simplicity. Bonus – I got to visit the house location last year!

My Heritage…

With this new understanding in mind, I reached out to my sister. She lived more years of the ‘simple life’ with our intact family than I did and I wanted to get her opinion. She 100% agreed with Mom. She said, “I think we were raised that way [with simplicity]. It probably had a lot to do with being a missionary family… Also, I would say that Grandpa and Grandma Johnson [Mom’s parents] definitely lived that way out of necessity because of choosing to serve the Lord [as pastors] their whole lives in small country churches. I think it’s part of our heritage.”

My mind was reeling! Yes! This is it! It is a heritage! My grandparents lived focused on serving God in small country churches and they implemented simplicity. Then my parents focused on serving God and those around the world by giving away what they had and thereby implemented simplicity. When it finally came my turn to be grown-up and raise a family, what did I do? I brought the values of simplicity into my family life. And beyond that, when faced with the option to have my husband continue in our plan with a higher paying job or follow God’s plan to serve Him in lower-paying ministry, we chose to sacrifice our well laid out plans for God’s plan, which meant we’d need to implement simplicity too.

Material Possessions…

Maybe there’s more to this ‘simplicity’ being in my life than I realized. So, I moved on to assessing how I’ve viewed possessions from the past to the present. I moved around A LOT when I was growing up. It often felt like the only constant thing in my life was my family and my stuff. This showed when I packed boxes of material memories move after move. It wasn’t until my husband asked me about all these things ‘I just had to have’ that I started looking deeper. I came to realize that my material possessions represented constancy to me at a time when I didn’t have that. They also helped me access memories that I was afraid I would forget if I got rid of them. Many of my possessions were linked to insecurity and fear.

As I’ve come to a place of constancy in my life, I realize that I no longer need these ‘things’ to ground me anymore. I no longer need them to ‘go with me’ through my life. I am grounded in God and His constancy and that will never change. God also helped me to see that I could keep memories even without keeping the items. So, items that were boxed away for years, were finally purged. I learned that I could either take a photo of the object to aid my memory or even more reassuring was the lesson that I really would remember the things that were so important to me. I also realized that many of these items had bad memories associated with them along with the good. As I let go of the items, I released a lot of the bad memories that went with them, but many of the good memories stayed!

A Choice…

Now when I look at my current life, I can see the positives of simplicity in my life. I’ve chosen to be content with being a bit behind the curve of the latest trends or fashions because I’m comfortable in who God made me, I’ve chosen to have my house and yard improve slowly because I have certain goals that are a higher priority, and I’ve learned that it’s okay to be extravagant here and there because otherwise, the rule of no-extravagance will breed legalism in me and squeeze out grace towards others.

Well, I guess I have some experience with simplicity after all. It hasn’t just been something that my circumstances have thrown at me. I’m not a victim to simplicity. No, I’ve made a choice! I’ve made the choice to live in a way that is counter-cultural. I’ve made a choice to steward all that God has given me. I’ve made the choice to lay down my plans (ie. physicist husband) and follow the lead of God each step of the way.

In the end, I’m going to continue to practice the Spiritual Discipline of Simplicity in my life. But this time, I’m consciously making the choice for myself and for the generations who come after me. I now understand the inward thinking that drives the outward actions I take. I think I’ll be able to be even more purposeful in my attitudes and actions towards simplicity. No longer will I wonder why I do what I do, but now I’ll know why I do these things. I’ll have a driving focus that helps me make my decisions and reason them out. I won’t be tossed like a leaf blown in the wind, instead I’ll have a rudder to guide my metaphorical boat. I’m excited to see how this new understanding will work out in the coming years and on into the next generation.

Bibliography:

SIMPLICITY AND FREEDOM: Ten Principles for Practicing Simplicity

The Discipline of Simplicity by Richard Foster

The Spiritual Disciplines: Simplicity

Bible, family, God, My Story

Let the Son Shine In

March 27, 2020 brittanymputman

Happiness…

I find it amazing how much sunlight affects a person’s mood. Just the other day we had a break from the many days of cloudy gloom when the sun came out. There might as well have been trumpets blowing and confetti guns shooting high into the air, because that’s what it felt like inside of me. Everything was exploding with happy goodness! It never gets old. I’m always amazed at how much of a difference sunlight can make in my attitude.

My kids’ happy drawings on our sunny day

Thinking on why sunlight has this happy effect on people (at least me) and gloomy darkness doesn’t, made me remember something from my childhood. It has to do with light and dark. When I was younger if I heard something said, I took it quite literally. My thoughts were often very black and white, right and wrong, this and that. (on a side note, this made me very gullible)

I carried this same literal understanding when I heard or read something in the Bible. I never took into consideration who the author was writing to or what time period it was being written in. Instead, I thought that every passage was literal and for the exact here and now. So, when I heard the Bible passage of John 3:19-20, I ended up having some interesting concerns. Here is what the passage says:

This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.

Darkness and Evil…

Remember how I thought of a childhood memory? Well, here it is. When I was younger, I was really worried for one of my brothers. You see, he really liked watching his tv shows and movies in the dark. He preferred the lights out and darkness. I, on the other hand, did not. I wanted to have as much light on as possible all the time. I recognized this difference between us and thought about the verse. “But people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light.”

Was my brother evil? He loved the darkness. The Bible said that those who loved the darkness were evil, at least that’s how my childlike mind applied it. So, if my brother loved literal darkness, then he must be evil! This just didn’t sit well with me. When I thought about my brother, I couldn’t see him as being evil. This was my kind brother who watched out for me and loved Jesus too. I couldn’t reconcile what I thought the Bible was saying with what my experience was.

Perhaps this was one of my first times of really trying to figure out what the Bible meant in this instance. I admit that at my young elementary age, I did not try to delve any deeper to figure it out. I didn’t ask my parents for help in understanding this – probably because I didn’t want to get my brother in trouble in case he really was evil. I just held onto this question all my life, but usually pushed it aside when it came up and chose not to interact with it. For years, I wondered, but never searched out the answer.

Light in the Dark…

Now, as a grown person, I understand things so differently. God is not saying my brother is evil because he prefers to watch tv and movies in the dark. As an adult, I now know that MANY people prefer this way to watch screens because it enhances the picture. Indeed, it helps the LIGHT on the screen shine brighter! We can see the light better when it is dark.

This too isn’t an all together extra-Biblical observation – light shining in the darkness. There are a few places in the book of Isaiah where we see this.

Then they will look toward the earth and see only distress and darkness and fearful gloom, and they will be thrust into utter darkness. Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress…
The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.
Isaiah 8:22-9:2

It goes on to say that the people will have increased joy and shattered yokes from their burdens. It finishes with the well-known passage, ‘For unto us a child is born’ of which Jesus’ government and peace will have no end! Later on in Isaiah it says:

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
    with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
    and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
    and your night will become like the noonday.
The Lord will guide you always;
    …
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
    Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
Isaiah 58:9b-11a; 12b

So, how does watching movies in the dark correlate with getting out in the sunlight? Well, there are many times when things in the world feel gloomy, cloudy, and dark. It can seem like everywhere we look we see evil. But in the darkness, we have the opportunity to be the ‘son-light’ for others and show Jesus’ light more clearly. Just like the natural sun brightens the innermost being of people, so too can Jesus, the ‘son’ in us!

Arise and Shine…

We can bring the LIGHT! So, when we feel the gloom of the darkness in our world settling upon us, we can remember that we have the SON who shines on us, in us, and through us… living inside us! We can do as Isaiah says

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
Isaiah 60:1

Because we have Jesus living in us, we too can ARISE, SHINE and have THE GLORY OF THE LORD RISE UPON US. Now GO! Shine your light!

Shine Your Way – Owl City & Yuna (The Croods)

Adoption, Bible, family, God, Kingdom, Leadership, My Story, Praise and Worship

Have Fun and Obey

March 20, 2020 brittanymputman

What’s going on?…

It started with a look. I could tell she was processing something. She seemed a little worried, a bit fearful, and agitated. I decided we should try worshiping together (kids and me) and then see if we could do some spontaneous prayer-worship afterwards. It sounded great to me, but none of my kids went for it. As I sang on my own I noticed my daughter drawing ever more inwards focused. Soon she was crying and when our time of singing was done she ran up to her room and locked the door.

Oops. Did I go too far in requiring us all to worship together? Even though I was hoping this would be a moment where we’d all rally together through music, my expectation didn’t happen. What did happen was that the emotions being held down by ‘strength of will’ came to the surface. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I experience that all the time when I’m worshiping Jesus – Smiles and Tears. It was no different in my kids. The emotions of stress rose to the surface and now I had three kids with varying degrees of emotional stress needing me. Worship helped me and the kids finally be ready to talk about what worries they have had over the recent changes in our lives. So, it still turned out to be a helpful time, just different than I expected.

Being Comforted…

As I went upstairs to talk to my daughter, I hoped she’d open up and let me help her. PHEW! She opened the door to me and allowed me to hug her while she cried. Then she shared her worries. It was related to Coronavirus. Through tears she told me that she was afraid that her grandparents and our new (yet to be adopted) baby might get sick. She didn’t want them to get sick. She was worried for them and that caused her to have some pretty big stress hanging around her. I was so surprised at the depth of compassion she had! I didn’t know that was what was worrying her! I thought she’d be more worried about her own health. Not so.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Doing the Right Thing…

It was the answer that God gave me in the moment that stuck with me most. I could tell that my sweet, kind, and oh-so-responsible kid was taking on a load much too big for her. She was wanting to be sure that she was doing the right things to keep others from getting sick. The only problem was that she didn’t know what all those things were. And, as we’re all well aware, the guidelines were/are changing regularly. She felt a level of responsibility over this COVID-19 stuff.

At that moment, I told her that her only responsibility was to have fun and obey her parents. (Yes, I’m sure there are many other responsibilities, but that’s what was needed at that instant.) I then went on to explain that it’s my responsibility to keep track of the guidelines that the government is giving us. It’s my job to listen to the press conferences, check the news, and keep updated on other notifications. Then I would tell her what she needed to know. As long as she obeyed what I said, then she’d be doing the ‘right thing.’ That was her job – obey her parents.

Responsibility: Have Fun and Obey…

As I thought about this a bit more, it became apparent to me that this is a lesson for adults too. In the midst of a constantly changing atmosphere of rules and regulations, it’s our job to obey too. It’s not our responsibility to know all the ins and outs of what’s happening or even how to defeat this disease. We have lawmakers, government officials, and other well-educated-in-these-areas people to do that. If we as citizens listen and obey the guidelines set forth, then we’re fulfilling our responsibility. We can allow the governing officials to do the higher level work in this area.

Then, as usually happens, another area of realization came to mind. I was discussing all this with my sister-in-law when she sweetly pointed out that it’s also like this in our Christian walk. As God’s children, it’s our responsibility to obey God. We don’t have to know all of the information. We don’t have to plan or make perfect decisions. God is the one that has the ultimate vantage-point and information to help us as we go about fulfilling our purpose. He guides us to what’s best and it’s our responsibility to have fun and obey our Parent, God.

This is so true! When God asked me to start writing this blog, I thought I had heard wrong because surely God wouldn’t ask me to write a blog. That was nowhere near my desire or my experience. In fact, I had tried blogging before and stopped after just one post! But, I obeyed. And now, almost a year later, I can see the trail of good things that have come about because I obeyed – and I even had a little fun. 😉 God knew the bigger picture and I didn’t have to know it in order to obey.

So, what about you? How does this look in your life? I’d be so interested to hear a little story from you. When has God asked you to obey …and have fun?

P.S. My daughter gave me permission to share her story, although I doubt she’d want people to talk with her about it face to face. 🙂

God, Kingdom, My Story, Voice

Helping Others Achieve Freedom

March 6, 2020 brittanymputman

Historical Persons…

Lately, my third-grader has been learning about all sorts of great historical figures through her class projects at school. I’ve been answering questions for her and helping her understand some of the harder, more grown-up concepts that make these people great and remembered.

When it was time to learn about Harriet Tubman, my heart swelled. I remembered how I felt as a child while learning about her story. I thought she was so brave and courageous! She was a hero to so many, and to me. My heart burst with joy that through her acts, so many people were led to freedom. Truly she was a marvelous woman.

Harriet Tubman Museum and Educational Center in Cambridge, Md. mural by Michael Rosato

I hadn’t thought about my feelings towards Harriet Tubman for 25 years! But, relearning her story anew with my daughter, brought it all back. I was surprised that the depth of emotion over her legacy still rang out in my heart as an adult. It made me wonder why it was such a big deal to me. So, I asked God. “God, why does my heart feel so connected to Harriet’s story? What is it that connects so deeply in me?”

Freedom…

“FREEDOM,” He said. God showed me that my connection to Harriet Tubman’s story when I was a child was a foreshadowing of what He tucked away in my heart for my future. The thread of wanting to see people set free has run through my life since I was a child. It’s one of the purposes God’s made me for. He made me to partner with people (and Him) to see them set free from the chains and weights that hold them back.

While teaching singing, I see many students hindered by timidity, uncertainty, and hiding. But through voice lessons, students gain confidence, joy, and inner-comfort at sharing their God-given voices. Still other students have come to my studio exhibiting a need to control their voices, their emotions, and even their appearance in a way that ends up inhibiting the natural voice inside them. As we move through lessons, these things begin to melt away and they experience freedom in their voice and freedom to trust themselves and others; to truly BE the fullness of who they are without worrying how they’ll be perceived. In all these ways, my students move from some type of bondage, whether inner or outer, to a freedom that propels them forward as vocalists and people! FREEDOM!

My heart is burdened when I see people going through relational difficulty. Now, I don’t have it all together in this area, but God’s taught me so many things and brought me through so much that I can perceive more relational un-health than I once had. So, when I notice people in tough relational situations, I want to run to them and share my story of how God showed me a better way to relate. I want to see life growing between people and not dying off. My heart is so uplifted when I can engage with other people to help them regain, maintain, or start fresh in relationships with a new perspective on how to relate to others. Hearing their stories of how they were immovable in relationships and partnering with them to now be more fluid and free brings me great joy. FREEDOM!

The Past. Need I say more? Perhaps one area that I see more bondage, oppression, and being ‘under the thumb of’ is The Past. Why, oh why does the past have such an effect on our present? I’m still in process, but I have learned that my past reframed so many situations as I went through life, making it so I couldn’t see the truth. There was a jadedness that kept me from truly trusting, rejoicing, thinking the best, and hoping again and again. It was so closely related to many areas of my past. Through much prayer, conversation, and good community, God has brought healing. He freed me from many parts of my past! Now, I want to see EVERYONE ELSE set free from the past that has them in chains. Chains of unforgiveness, control, fear, doubt, worry, self-image, trauma, pain, punishment, bitterness, defeat, and so much more. It’s so encouraging to pray people through the pain and see the smiles light up their faces on the other side! What joy there is in being set free! FREEDOM!

What About You?…

So, what about you? Can you think of a historical figure that you really took interest in as a child? What is it about that person that you see showing up in your present life? I’d LOVE to hear about it.

Adoption, family, God, My Story

Could This Be Our Match?

January 24, 2020 brittanymputman

Wednesday…

It was a Wednesday afternoon. The kids had just come home from school when I saw an email from our adoption agency. They had an expectant mother they’d be showing family profiles to in the next week and they wanted to show ours to her. Our criteria fit her situation very nicely, the only problem… we weren’t done with our profile book yet! Actually, we weren’t even close.

I quickly forwarded the email to my husband, Putty, with only one word in the message, “Read!!!!!” To say I was a little excited would be an understatement. The experience of this, our first message about a potential match, jolted my being into a heightened sense of anticipation. But it quickly crashed. Even after forwarding the email for Putty to read, I knew that realistically we couldn’t pull this thing together. I was already preparing myself to hear him say, “No, it’s not possible to get it done in time.”

Well, he got home from work and I eventually brought up the email. Instead of giving him a chance to dash my hopes with realism, I said that as exciting as it would be, maybe we should let them know that we won’t be able to have the book done in time. He agreed.

Shutterfly offers a digital program to make a book as well as other photo sites

That night, I had to talk to God about this possible match. I could tell I really longed to make everything work out so that we could present a profile book to this mother along with the other families’ books. I wanted to be picked and be on our way with preparing for our new addition. (It’s a little like when you’re trying to get pregnant and you think and hope you might be pregnant, but it’s too early to take a pregnancy test.)

What I heard from God wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I very clearly felt like He was saying this wasn’t the match for us. Even though it was exciting, I shouldn’t get connected to this match because it wasn’t His choice for us. My heart was sad, but I also felt peaceful about it. I know that it’s better not to rush into things, and if we finished our book to present to this expectant mother, we would definitely be rushing and ‘making things happen’ on our own.

Friday…

Each Friday we make a plan for what we need to accomplish that weekend, what we want to accomplish, and what would be fun to accomplish that weekend. The Friday following the adoption match email was no different. We started adding things to our list so we could discuss and make decisions on how this weekend would look for us. It was apparent to us that we needed a weekend that wasn’t filled with tons of stuff to do. We have had a lot of busy weekends with more to come, so we left a lot of space open.

I suddenly realized that I never emailed back our adoption agency about the potential match. I dragged myself to my computer to carry out my assigned task of responding to them. I wasn’t looking forward to telling them, “No, not this time,” but I knew I had to. I let them know where we were at in the process of finishing our profile book and said we’d be working on it in case they wanted to share about our family even without being able to show the book. We definitely planned to finish it, we just couldn’t do it so quickly.

With that email sent, we continued to finish off the things on our list. It all went pretty quickly and Putty realized he felt a bit of creative energy building to work on the adoption profile. So, that afternoon he went to a coffee shop to work on the design of the book from the plan he had worked out weeks earlier. I had the fun task of going through all our photos and uploading relevant ones to a digital album where he could access them and use them in the book. I loved going through our family photos from over the years and looking at each photo to see what ones would tell the best story from a first glance. But more than that, I was excited that we were once again moving forward on our adoption process.

Saturday…

True to our need, we took a slow Saturday morning. The kids played on screens which gave us extra time to sleep and do devotional time and reading. It was soooo needed and really recharged us. We called the kids up from screen time and got breakfast out for them. Putty was doing some Bible time and so, we didn’t see him at the breakfast table. Eventually he told me he wanted to ‘just take a little more time’ on the adoption profile book. I definitely was happy to give him as much time as he wanted. So, as his creative energy flowed, I kept the kids (and myself) occupied.

As time went by, I started to wonder if Putty had eaten breakfast without me knowing it. He really seemed to be working on this book for a long time. Surely, he had taken a quick break to get a bit of nourishment and then headed back to his design work. The hours came and went and I began lunch preparation. That’s when Putty called me to see what he had done. He had practically finished the book! He looked at the clock and couldn’t believe his eyes! “Is it really time for lunch already? I just worked through breakfast! I didn’t realize I had been doing this for so long.”

It was pretty surprising. After planning our weekend to have some slow times, we seemed to fill it with working on the profile after all. The slow time and the motivation from Wednesday’s email, seemed to be just what we needed to make a big dent in this huge project.

Sunday…

By Sunday evening, we were ready to put the finishing touches on our Family Adoption Profile. We finalized which photos we were going to use, we tightened up some of our text and reviewed our work. I was in awe of this book that came together so quickly over the weekend. A weekend we hadn’t planned to use in this way and a project that we didn’t want to rush. As we pressed ORDER, I was so thankful for the way this all worked out for us! Because the work came out of rest, it wasn’t rushed and we weren’t depleted by it. We really made something we were proud of and will one day be very happy to share with our adopted child.

This book really synthesized what our family is about. We got a chance to reflect on this crazy journey of the Putman family and put into words and photos all that’s come about since we said, ‘I do’ 14.5 years ago. Our family is filled with adventure, love, family, fun, friends hope, community, and above all of that a desire to follow hard after God. It made me take notice of how many opportunities we’ve had for travel, international relationships, and cultural diversity. I reflected on the family and friends in our lives and feel so grateful for the support and love all around us! From all this, we created something that shares the broad overview of our current life in a really neatly designed, compact package.

So, this time I couldn’t wait to email our adoption agency again. “We finished our adoption profile book! But, unfortunately, they won’t arrive until the following week. So, we won’t have them this week. We’ll leave it up to you if you’d like to show us to this expectant mother or pass this time around.” I hadn’t heard anything since our last email sent on Friday, so I was interested to see if there was any way we could still be shown to this mother.

However, I still had the feeling that this wasn’t the baby God had for us. I tried to rationalize that maybe I didn’t hear God correctly and was trying to help myself feel better about not having a profile book ready. This was on Friday. I tried to rationalize that maybe God really was trying to keep us from rushing, and now we hadn’t. So, maybe He’ll work it out so that we can be shown (and chosen) after all! This was on Sunday. Still, on Monday I shared with Putty that I wasn’t sure this was supposed to be and I asked if he’d gotten any sense. He hadn’t really prayed specifically about this one because it was so early in the process and the mother hadn’t even chosen us at this point. That made a lot of sense-wait until there’s more details before trying to plan everything.

Tuesday…

Well, Monday came and went. No email from our agency. On Tuesday morning I got the email I had been waiting for. It seemed like even if we had been able to get our profile in for the proper week, the birth mother wanted to look at families immediately and had already made her choice on Thursday. We were out of the running before the race even began! I felt a mix of emotions. I was sad because I had hoped that maybe this would be it. Maybe it really would be ‘this easy and quick.’ This news hit me a little bit like when you think you’re pregnant and then realize one way or another that you actually aren’t. So, it’s onto the next cycle of waiting and hoping.

At the same time, I was relieved. I’m glad to know so quickly that it wasn’t going to work out and I could let go of that hope for this time and maintain waiting on God for our child. I was encouraged too. This was confirmation that I had heard God correctly. Time and again I seem to need affirmation that I hear God’s voice correctly and this was another of those instances. I also felt thankful that God didn’t have our agency respond to us until after we finished our profile. Honestly, this whole bunch of excitement coupled with the let down was worth it because it got us moving on the adoption profile book and lit a fire under me once again to keep pressing into the adoption process. What a big weight off our shoulders to be done with such a big step in this process.

The Following Wednesday…

So, what’s next? Well, I’m writing this blog and reflecting on how this past week has affected my thinking, feeling, and actions. The holiday season really put the adoption process on hold as so many other things took priority, but now it’s over. Now, my mind and heart are feeling the familiar tug of growing our family. I’m excited to keep learning about interracial adoption, adoption in general, and waiting with anticipation for our adoption match.

We still don’t know the definite way that our adoption match will come, but we’re trusting God and asking Him to lead the process. Maybe we’ll be matched through our small agency (Illini Christian Ministries), maybe we’ll be matched through an adoption attorney or larger agency, or maybe there’ll be some sort of connection made through our personal contacts. We don’t know, but we trust that God does and in that trust we will remain steady and full of hope and anticipation.

Adoption, God, My Story

Truth Among Questions

January 17, 2020 brittanymputman

Unexpected News…

I saw her clench her arms around her stomach and double over. She leaned into the wall behind her and slid down to a sitting position. She looked like she was in pain. She was crying and almost seemed oblivious to the fact that I was clearly able to see her. I asked God if she was sick because that’s the only thing that made sense to me. I wondered if I needed to help her in some way or just stay out of the way.

Then, I clearly sensed Him tell me that she was pregnant and it was unexpected. She had just found out and the news was overwhelming to her. She didn’t know what she was going to do. All the questions came at her. What will her parents say? What will her friends say? What will she do about this? Who can she trust with this information? Who will help her?

Immediately, I started to pray for this woman, and not just her, but all women who find themselves in this situation. I pray that they would have the Holy Spirit’s comfort. I pray for people to come around them and help them through this unexpected turn of events. I pray that God will give them grace to choose life over death for the baby. I pray that their fear will give way to hope. I pray that they can see the sunshine through this rain. I pray for peace to drive out all the overwhelming feelings. I pray for Jesus’ perfect peace to rest on their minds and bring clear-thinking to them.

Why didn’t I go over to her, you may be asking. Well, God was speaking to me in a dream. I wasn’t physically in the same place as this person. I don’t even know if she is real, but what she represents is very real. The sense that God was calling me to pray was very real. It was an intense moment to cry out for women who are pregnant with a child that for one reason or another they can’t keep. A child whose very life is in the hands of its momma.

Questions and Lies…

As I’ve waded through my decisions regarding what type of adoption process we should head towards, I have reflected a lot about WHY we are choosing private adoption. Is it just because WE want it? Does it seem to be selfish? Is it just the ‘easy way out’? Why would we choose this option instead of just having another biological child or adopting a child who’s already in existence? Why are we putting our hat in the same ring as so many couples who can’t conceive? We aren’t infertile, so are we taking away another person’s chance to adopt? It just doesn’t always make sense.

These are very real and hard questions to face. It puts me looking straight into the eyes of a lot of self-revelation. My people-pleaser part starts to rear its head. It says, ‘You should be doing what most people will approve of.’ Don’t most people think that an adoptive couple with biological children should only adopt orphans or kids that would have the hardest time finding a family?

‘This is the easy way to adopt,’ lies the idol of comfort. It might seem that way, but, no. This is not any easier than other adoption processes. There is still plenty of hard stuff.

My competitive side shares another untruth, ‘Why are you competing with infertile couples for children? Don’t you know that there’s only so many babies and that you’re ‘taking’ one from a couple who REALLY wants a child?’ Am I really intentionally taking away the chance for another couple to experience parenting?

Answers & Truth…

I have to decide should I approach my adoption experience with all these other considerations in mind? It’s taken some time, but God made it clear that I need to listen to Him. I’ve written about this before, but don’t you know that the old patterns try to keep creeping in. So, I once again find myself reminding me what God said. God made it clear to adopt through private domestic adoption. He’s reminded me that my adoption process might not look the same as the other people I know who have adopted. He’s reminded me to be secure in Him and His plan for us.

As I reflect more on this, He’s shown me some other things that help me stay in the mindset of keeping God’s plan first rather than the opinions of others. He’s shown me something for each member of the adoption triad: birth parents, adoptive parents, and the child placed for adoption.

Adoptive Parents (Us)…

First, God knows what my family can handle right now. He knows our schedule (present and future) and He knows each of our specific capacities in life. He has led us to private domestic adoption because He knows that it’s what is BEST for our family right now. So, the people-pleaser lie can stand down.

Child to be Adopted…

Second, a newborn placed for adoption has no choice in where he/she will grow up. But that doesn’t mean this child isn’t thought about by God. God knows what family will be good for each child. It could be possible that the best place for any given child is with our family and that makes my perceived ‘competition’ with infertile couples irrelevant. It’s not competition, it’s about finding a home for the child and I trust God to help with that decision regardless of who’s in the pool of families to choose from. The competitive lie can stand down.

Birth Mother/Expectant Mother…

Lastly, the Birth Mother, or expectant mother (pre-birth), has been on my mind a lot more than I anticipated. The more I’ve learned about different stories and scenarios that prompt some expectant mothers to make adoption plans, the more I seem to be putting myself into their shoes. What an incredibly hard decision this must be! And even if it’s an obvious choice to make a plan for adoption, the expectant mother is still sacrificing by allowing her baby to grow in her and be birthed through her! This is an incredible gift made by ANY biological mother.

What really comes to mind is how big of a choice the expectant mother is making when she chooses the parents of her unborn child. This mother is shown family profiles and then she can meet a few of the people to see how well they connect. Ultimately, she is the one who chooses the parents-to-be for her baby. This is hard stuff!

I realize that what I can give to an expectant mother before she even chooses the adoptive parents is a choice. I can give her my family as a choice for her baby. Without prospective adoptive parents doing the hard work to be approved to adopt, the expectant mothers wouldn’t have these families as choices. I’m so glad that what I can first give to a birth mother is another good option for someone to raise her baby. The lie of taking the easy way out can stand down.

Prayer Request…

This is a complicated process. I’ve really enjoyed learning so many more of the ins and outs related to adoption. I am glad that God’s been giving me more compassion towards expectant mothers. I had already felt an innate compassion towards the unborn child, but this is new territory. Please join me in praying for the entire adoption triad as we move forward with our next step in our adoption process – being a good choice for an expectant mother.

God, My Story

My Blogging Journey

December 20, 2019 brittanymputman

A Common Question

I now understand why so many bloggers eventually ask their readers, “What topics interest you the most?” If I asked that question, I’d mostly want inspiration. I’d want to hear something in the answers that excited me to write. I’d want direction. I’d want to hear something in the answers that gave me guidance when I felt ‘all over the place’ in my writing styles or subjects. I’d want affirmation. I’d want to be encouraged that what I’m writing is bigger than myself.

These things are great if the focus of my blog is others-oriented. But then I remember WHY I’m writing. I didn’t start blogging to eventually make it a business. I didn’t start blogging to make a name for myself. I didn’t start blogging because I was so passionate about a specific subject that I wanted to super-focus on it. No, I started because it was God’s idea.

From Chaos…

Photo by Startup Stock Photos on Pexels.com

Nearly nine months ago, as I was wrestling with a jumbled up pile of thoughts running through my head, I felt God say that I should start blogging. I was surprised, to say the least, because I had no desire to try to ‘build’ something like this. I didn’t want the responsibility of producing posts, being on a schedule and doing it well. Of course, one might say that I didn’t have to have any of that, but I knew without a schedule, I wouldn’t keep it up.

As I strongly considered that maybe this really was God’s voice and that He probably knew what He was doing in asking me to write, I began to write. I started sharing little by little with people, ‘I’m going to start a blog.’ It felt so odd to say that and also a bit self-promoting. However, as I wrote my posts, I found that I really wanted to share them with people. I wanted to let others know more about me and have somewhat of a dialogue about the things going through my mind. I wanted to connect with a wider group of people than those I see day to day.

to Order…

When I stepped out in obedience to God’s prompting, I didn’t know how much it would change me. You see, God wasn’t asking me to write for the sake of ‘making a name for myself’ nor was He asking me to write solely to help other people. He actually wanted me to write for my own good!

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

As I’ve spent these last nine months writing about the things that come to mind, my blog has become a bit of a ‘polished’ journal. It’s helped me clarify my thoughts in ways that thinking alone couldn’t do. It’s helped me interact with a wide range of topics that I come in contact with on a regular basis; things like adoption, racial awareness, storytelling, life choices, music, singing, biblical ideas/commentaries, my past, my present, my future, and so much more. I am more grounded because I’m writing and I’m more organized in my mind and heart.

plus Connection…

God’s so good that not only have I become more settled within myself, but I’ve connected with people I haven’t had the chance to interact with regularly. I’ve reconnected in a new way with family and friends that live far away. I’ve more deeply connected with the meaningful people in my life just because I can interact on my own time table (no time constraints or scheduling to figure out). Additionally, I’ve always been a bit of a social butterfly and this has been such a fun way to have a chance to interact with more people on a semi-regular basis. I feel more alive now that I’m reaching out and sharing with people like this. It’s been so fulfilling in a new and refreshed sort of way!

Being a social butterfly with some friends!

and patiently waiting for Inspiration.

I find myself wanting to know which posts or topics people like to read the most, but then I remember that this blog was a gift to me from God. He’s the one who’s opinion and direction matter the most. So, when I am uninspired, I’ll wait and listen and hope to catch even the most fleeting idea for a post. Then I’ll start to write and see where Holy Spirit leads me. I’ll see how Holy Spirit took a passing idea and turned my thinking all around so that I look at it with a new perspective. And I’ll be excited to hear how my journey is encouraging, helping, and cheering others on as well.

I’m so thankful to be writing this blog and have a place to share my thoughts. I’m so thankful to each of you who read this blog and interact with me because of it. It’s been wonderful to connect and dialogue! It’s been so fun to share and receive feedback. I’m happy to be blogging and, I suppose, I will continue into the new year! 😉

P.S. Have you ever had something that you started so it could benefit you, but then it ‘got away from you’ and became others-focused? Did you feel like that’s where it was supposed to go or did you have to remind yourself that it was ALSO to help you in some way? I’d be really interested to hear about your experience(s).

God, Kingdom, Leadership, My Story

Get Used to It

November 22, 2019 brittanymputman

Waiting…

I waited and waited. After doing everything I could to fill the time, I entered the auditorium and hung out on the back wall. And then I waited some more. Would my husband, Putty, come in soon? Would he ever be done with his conversation? I wanted to find a seat together before announcements ended! I waited a little longer and decided to go out into the lobby to see what was taking him so long.

Looking for Sympathy…

As I exited the auditorium I saw Di, our then co-senior pastor, now founding pastor. She was a sight for my ‘sore eyes’. Surely, she would understand the annoyance I was going through. After all, she had been a pastor’s wife for decades at this point, and I was just starting out on this path. She finished a conversation and we made eye contact. I shared my pastor’s wife woe with her and her response caught me off guard. Did she really just say what I think she just said?

Get Used to It…

I went looking for sympathy and understanding, but all I got was, ‘Get used to it’. She said it with such authority and so matter-of-factly that I didn’t know how to respond! I quickly said some parting words and headed for my husband. Finally he finished up and we went into the church service together. But, Di’s words were still ringing in my ear. They kept coming back to me. What more did they mean?

The Right Word at the Right Time…

It became obvious that her words weren’t unkind or without compassion. No, they were the opposite. These were wise words from a woman who’s had her share of ‘waiting’ and having others ‘wait’ for her. In her nutshell of a phrase was a truth that has carried me all these years. I had a choice to make. I could choose to feel pity for myself and like I was bound to Putty’s schedule and choices, or I could come to terms with his work rhythms and make my own independent choices during these times.

The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry.
Proverbs 25:11 (MSG)

Like a Custom-made Piece of Jewelry…

As the proverb above says, I needed to hear this custom-made response at that time in my life. Through Di’s off-hand comment, God was using it to strengthen me for my journey ahead. That word was so powerful in empowering me to be ‘my own person’ that I frequently think of it again and again. I don’t think Di thought much about whether or not God was speaking through her at that moment, but I know she regularly lives a lifestyle that’s open to Holy Spirit using her in any circumstances. And He did.

Lori (left) and Di (right) praying for me in 2011. What a sweet time!

Just the Other Day…

Just the other day, I exited the auditorium again and caught the tail end of a conversation. There was another wife, waiting for her husband to be finished talking, praying, etc and I caught Di saying it again! ‘Get used to it!’ This time I saw the smile on Di’s face. I heard the encouragement in that phrase, calling us up to make a choice to ‘wait in the wings’ or ‘act while we wait.’ I’m so thankful for this wisdom and the encouragement of these words.

And Act…

I love how one life lesson hits so many other areas of my life. My newborn is crying non-stop, my toddler won’t eat her food, my elementary child is whining all the time… ‘Get used to it – and act.’ My boss isn’t recognizing my full potential, my friend doesn’t call me, my family lives so far apart – ‘Get used to it – and act.’ What areas do you feel God telling you to ‘Get used to it’? Where is he empowering you to make choices that move your life forward today?

God, My Story, Travel

What Is Your XYZ?

November 8, 2019 brittanymputman

2019 Travel…

This year has been pretty dynamic in regards to travel for me. Putty invited me to go along with him to the National Leaders’ Conference in England. I tried to give reasons why this wouldn’t be advisable, but I was pretty much told by a mentor that I had to go with him because it was an overseas trip! You see, I wasn’t too excited about figuring out how to reorder my life during this excursion, but with Putty’s invitation, the prompt from this mentor and many other encouraging words from others, I made the necessary plans to travel overseas.

While there, we connected with the National Directors of the Vineyards in the BeNeLux (Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg). They asked if we might be interested in coming to speak at their National Conference later in the year. I knew in my heart I would be going on this trip with Putty. He agreed and it was doubly confirmed when my mother broke out in tears of joy that I would get to see the place where she raised four of my siblings!

But in between these two trips, Putty received another invitation to speak at the Vineyard National Conference for the USA. Again, after such a great trip to England and a much anticipated trip to Belgium/Netherlands, I was eager to attend this conference with him too. We drove together to Ohio and had a great time connecting with so much of our bigger Vineyard family!

2009 Travel…

Getting ready for the long plane ride to China!

I forgot how much fun travel can be! Before I went to England, I hadn’t been overseas for the previous 10 years. That was another year of travel for me. In 2009, Putty and I went to China on a mission’s trip. We taught together, ate together, and had adventures together, although he had the biggest adventure alone when he got stuck in Hong Kong due to overlooking the number of visa entries he had. Oops!

Additionally, in that year we took a trip to California to visit our good, good friends and see the new life they were living out there. They had been called to help with a church plant and we were heart-broken to see them go, but we always made an effort to support them and help them follow the leading of God in this adventure.

Our other trip that year was to visit my brother & sister-in-law in Colorado. It was so wonderful to spend some extended time with them and meet their sweet cats. We hiked, ate good food, and enjoyed each others’ company. It was something that filled my heart as I reconnected with my brother who had lived ‘Out West’ for so many years prior.

Growth Years…

These two years, 2009 & 2019 will be marked as ‘Year of Travel’ as well as ‘Growth Years for Brittany.’ You know, as much as I balk at getting out of my routine and trying new things, I always end up better for it. As much as I dig in my heels and act like all the planning is overly stressful, when I’m on the actual adventure itself, I realize how much I needed a change. (Can I get an ‘Amen!’?) My regular routine is safe, comfortable, and at times boring. Traveling and new adventures are potentially unsafe, uncomfortable, and … exciting! So why do I resist it so much? It’s simple… I forget.

I Forget…

I forget the good things that come out of adventure and risk. I forget that life isn’t just about doing the same ol’ thing day in and day out, but it’s about LIVING! I forget that relationships develop differently in the unfamiliar than in the familiar. My husband once said in regards to something else that I needed to have a tattoo on my hand that said, ‘XYZ is fun!’ It was said a bit tongue in cheek, but the idea of it was that I needed a constant reminder because I seemed to forget so easily!

What is your XYZ?…

So what is your XYZ? What in your life do you KNOW is fun, but you keep forgetting? What do you resist doing only to discover that once you did it, it was actually fun and life-giving? For me, there are more things than travel that I forget are great. I forget that having deep talks with a close friend are really life-giving. I forget that spending time in reflection actually brings me to a clearer understanding afterwards. I forget that practicing my piano and singing really brings me a lot of joy! I could go on, but I’d rather hear from you. What is your XYZ?

Adoption, Bible, God, My Story

Michal & The Joy of the Lord

October 21, 2019 brittanymputman

Quiet Time…

There are times when I read my Bible and nothing notable stands out to me. Yet, I diligently read the Bible over and over again because I know it’s good for me. How do I know? Well, besides, ‘the Bible tells me so,’ it’s because of the times when things in the Bible do stand out to me! I wanted to share some thoughts that came to me while I was reading 2 Samuel 6.

Michal…

I always thought Michal, David’s wife, had a real problem for getting so upset with him for dancing and praising the Lord half-dressed in the streets. I mean, wasn’t he praising God after all? God wasn’t striking him dead and it seemed to be portrayed as a ‘good’ thing to do in the text. And even if she was upset with David, he was her king! Kings demand honor and respect whether or not we agree with them. So, why would she put herself in a precarious position by judging the king? This time reading through the story, I saw something a bit different than usual. I saw Michal as a person and considered her history…

Her Story…

…She’s in love with a man who has a rocky relationship with her father. But, he’s in love with her too and he asks for her hand. The father, thinking he can get rid of this suitor sends him on a crazy task in hopes that he’ll die trying or just give up. But he’s surprised. David has indeed done what Saul asks of him and Michal becomes David’s wife.

Michal and David probably don’t have the easiest of marriages. After all, over and over again, Michal’s dad, Saul, who’s also David’s boss, tries to harm him. Finally, it becomes apparent that Saul does indeed mean to kill David when he has the chance. David seemingly has no choice. Preservation of life demands that he run away, not to mention the godly promise of being the future king!

In an act of heroism, Michal says, ‘If you do not escape with your life tonight, tomorrow you will be killed.’ She lowers David out the window and when the guards come to the house to search for David, Michal tells them he’s sick in bed, hoping this would buy them some time. It doesn’t work. The guards go to the bed and pull back the covers only to see that a dummy has been made to look like David and placed in bed. David was already out the window and making his get away to Samuel the prophet.

As David stays away from home in order to save his life, Michal is left on her own. Saul eventually decides to give her in marriage to another man. Over the years this man seems to come to love Michal deeply as is shown later in the story. When David’s kingship is being established, he requires that his first wife, Michal be returned to him. As she is being transported to David, her husband follows behind, weeping. The first question that comes to mind is, who would Michal rather be with at this stage in her life? Her first love or the man who she’s currently with? Poor Michal must feel like a pawn being fought over between two kingdoms – Saul’s line and David’s line.

The Hurt and Pain Shows…

We get a glimpse of how she might be feeling when David returns from retrieving the Ark of the Covenant. He’s praising God and dancing in celebration of the Ark being brought to his city that he unashamedly ‘leaps and dances before the Lord.’ The Bible tells us that when Michal saw this from her window, she despised him. That word carries such weight. I imagine that all the resentment, hurt, and pain of her life comes out against David as she sees him full of joy. How long has she held onto the pain of his earlier abandonment, even though she encouraged it? How long has she held onto the hurt of being taken, some might say kidnapped, from her second husband that she had made a life with during the years David was gone? It seems like the hurt, resentment and possible unforgiveness clouded her vision to see the joy of the moment – God’s presence entering the city. The only way she could respond was with disrespect and judgement towards her husband. Still, even with all this backstory, there had to have been a way for redemption.

“David Brings the Ark to Jerusalem” by Darlene Slavujac, 1993

My Own Hurt…

This led me to look at my own life more closely. How often do I have resentment towards other people and miss what God’s doing in and around me? How many times have I judged someone or something (an organization maybe) because of the pain and hurt caused to me. In what ways is that unforgiveness and bitterness robbing me of the ‘Joy of the Lord’?

Let’s bring it to a very real place in my life. During my elementary aged years I had to be interviewed by a DHS (Department of Human Services) worker to determine if a certain person had ever abused me. You see, I was in frequent contact with a man who had an allegation made against him of abusing a child from nearly a decade earlier – this child now being a teenager. I was interviewed by the DHS social worker assigned to the case in a one-on-one meeting – this being necessary so that no other person could potentially influence my responses and answers. The worker who interviewed me made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. He asked me questions that I didn’t want to answer or think about. I had not been abused and so it was hard for me to come to terms with and have an understanding of what he was suggesting. In that interview, I felt like my innocence was being stripped from me. I felt dirty just thinking about the things he was insinuating.

That interaction and process put a bad taste in my mouth for Social Services. I held onto a dislike for ‘the system’ for YEARS! I was afraid of the people and didn’t trust the system. I had bad memories and images in my mind from the questions I was asked. I couldn’t get over the feeling of being sullied and I was angry that I had to ‘grow up’ sooner than I should have.

But finally, in my adulthood, God came to me in a new way. He gently prompted me to receive some deep inner healing prayer. Through those hours spent praying, I was finally able to release my judgement of DHS and other social services. I was able to forgive the institution that made me see parts of life I never wanted to know about. In relinquishing my right to judge, God peeled back the layers of hurt and moved me towards freedom. Freedom to trust, freedom to see the good in systems and freedom to regain my childlike innocence.

The Joy of the Lord…

And now, I’m working with social workers and allowing them to privately interview my own kids in order to be approved for adoption. I can tell you, it was really hard to feel comfortable allowing each of my kids to be interviewed privately by our caseworker, but I also have come to trust. Through establishing a relationship with our caseworker, I could see that she is not like the social worker that interviewed me so many years ago. I’ve also learned from others who have been through this before, that the adoption questions are super general and don’t go towards subjects that I had to discuss so many years ago – unless there was a good reason to. After my kids came out from interviewing, each of them was so happy and excited that they got to have a special part in making our adoption approval come to fruition. I’m so thankful that I have presently and will see in the future the ‘Joy of the Lord’ while working with this institution towards adoption!

Trust, Honor, Respect…

Reading Michal’s story and trying to imagine what life might have been like for her really helped me to get a different idea of why she responded like she did. It also helped me to apply it to my own life circumstances. I have had enough negative experiences to be able to feel justified in holding a grudge against people and even against my king, Jesus/God. But if I did that, then where would I be? I’ve chosen to release my judgement of situations because I don’t know all the details. I can’t know all the possible outcomes or all the spiritual forces happening behind the scenes. BUT, I do know that I can trust God to bring about good in my life through the pain and trials. I can choose to see the ‘Joy of the Lord’ in my past, present and future. And even when I don’t understand, I still choose to honor and respect my King, Jesus. I know one thing, when given the opportunity, I will dance with great abandon in the presence of the Holy Spirit/God.

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness (joy) of the Lord in the land of the living.
Psalm 27:13