Tag: Adoption

Adoption, God, My Story, Praise and Worship

Espresso & Mocha

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First, I blogged…

I began blogging because I had so many things inside that I wanted to share with people, but it just didn’t seem like there was often a lot of time to ‘shoot the breeze.’ The blog has been a great place for me to share my stories, reflect on how God’s been a part of each of them, and dream about my future. It’s helped, healed, and grown me in ways I didn’t know would happen when I started. It wasn’t my idea to start blogging, it was God’s. So, a few weeks back I decided to blog about a joy that was given to me during a painful transition in my childhood – a Siamese Kitten. That kitten was so special to me and I was very sad when I had to give him up after only a year or so because we were moving to a new home and couldn’t have the cat. 

Fast forward to not long ago. It was the end of the work week after what had been a very busy week and preceding weekend. I getting some rest time in before the kids came home from school and another busy weekend began. At this point Putty, my husband, had been on a work trip for nearly 1.5 weeks and I was being intentional to get some down time in whenever possible. I decided to read that afternoon, but as I was reading I felt very strongly like I needed to get up and make a video recording of a praise and worship song that had been on my heart that week. After I finished, I sat back down to upload the video and continue reading and that’s when I received a text notification.

Then, I Received…

I received a text from my mom. She had been volunteering at the Humane Society/Animal Shelter when she happened to come across some new kittens that were just put out for adoption… Siamese kittens! She stopped in her tracks and couldn’t believe her eyes! She talked with God about how I had just blogged about my first Siamese kitten and then less than 2 weeks later, here were adoptable ones just the same! She heard God tell her that these kittens were a gift to me, her daughter. As soon as she could, she sent me a text about these kittens.

I played it cool and tried not to get too excited about them. I had a number of reasons why it wasn’t the time for us to adopt kittens, the biggest of which was that my husband was across the globe in Australia! How could we make this decision and why on earth would he agree to adopting them without meeting them? 

Mocha & Espresso

Then, Mom sent me the links for the pictures of these kittens. My heart fell for them immediately. Not to mention, their names were already meant for us: Espresso & Mocha! We love coffee. That was that. I texted my sister to get another opinion and while I was texting I started to cry over the possibility that these kittens could be mine! I didn’t understand it, but it sure felt like a confirmation that God was leading me to keep exploring the idea of adopting these kittens. So, I texted Putty and his response floored me. He told me that he couldn’t really discern one way or the other if we should get these cats, but that he felt positive that God was telling him to go with my lead on this. So, the decision was up to me.

I quickly asked my friend to come babysit, then asked Mom to meet me at the Humane Society, and I was on my way to see these little ones. I knew that I needed to take the next step of seeing them in person. On my way, I asked God about these kittens and He told me that they were a gift for me if I wanted them and that He has already provided for us to have these two join our family. I cried tears of joy. He also reminded me how I had just posted a video of me singing Reckless Love by Cory Asbury only a few hours earlier. This song always reminds me of adoption and here I was going forward with a potential adoption! I was racing after these kittens just as God chases after us.

I met those sweet kittens and I already felt like they were mine. I didn’t need a lot of time before heading to the front desk and letting them know I wanted to apply for adopting them. In the time it took me to fill out my paperwork, two other interested people changed their minds and adopted other pets. I couldn’t believe it! I was going to be first in line to adopt them! What are the chances? Well, pretty good when God is presenting you with a gift and you walk the steps out to receive it or in this case, them.

  • Espresso
  • Mocha

Now, I Steward…

The next day I went shopping for new cat items even before hearing that I was approved to adopt them. Then I got the call that I had been approved and could come pick them up in a few hours! Immediately after the kids came home from school I got us all in our minivan and we were on our way. The kids didn’t know what was about to happen. They thought we were just going to take a trip to the Humane Society and see some animals that Grandma wanted to show them. They were so excited when after seeing them for the first time I announced that we were going to bring them home. Right away their hearts moved towards the kittens, holding nothing back.

It’s been so fun to see the kids and the kittens interact. They have so much fun together. It’s been great to see how much my husband loves having kittens around again and it reminds me of how much he loves even the littlest creatures and how gentle he is with them. And every time I see them or tell the story of how we got them, I’m reminded that God loves me and still wants to give gifts to me, even 25 years later!

Adoption, God, My Story

Adoption Update: October 2019

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Home Study Two-Thirds Complete…

I’ve been getting a lot of questions recently about how things are coming along with our adoption. Well, they are going very well! We’ve had two out of three home visits with our amazing case worker and our last one is scheduled for early November! You know, when I first heard about home studies, I thought they were going to be this mountain to climb and hopefully succeed, but so far, it hasn’t been too terribly difficult. A lot of that has to do with our AMAZING case worker and also my organized nature. I already had a lot of the things readily available that were required to submit for our home study and if I didn’t, I knew where to quickly get them.

So, what has been involved in our home study this far? First we had to make copies of all our legal documents; birth certificates, marriage certificates, drivers licenses, health insurance cards, veterinarian statements and tax returns. Then we asked our places of employment to fill out some forms verifying our employment, asked for reference letters from pastors and non-family friends, got a counselor reference (because I see a counselor), and showed a plan for who would take our kids in the unlikely event of our deaths. These last things we had to rely on other people for and I’m so thankful for all the people who helped with these details!

So much paperwork!

Finally, we had to get fingerprinted and background checks for both State and FBI, get tuberculosis tests to ensure we didn’t have that disease and schedule physical exams for all members of our household. We also had to fill out a ‘financial diagnostics’ form and a fire safety evacuation plan. We went through a number of child recall lists to ensure that nothing in our house was on those lists and we filled out a special needs approval list stating what special needs we’d feel comfortable taking on in an adopted child. Phew! I know, it seems like a lot, but we just kept ticking the boxes off and making our way through the list. We still have more time consuming things to complete, but they’ll get done and then we’ll be even closer to being approved to adopt!

Finding a Match…

Many people are curious to know where we will ‘find our baby.’ In the private adoption world this is called ‘being matched with a birth mom.’ There are a number of ways to be matched; agency assisted adoption, attorney assisted adoption, or independent adoption. This is simplified from the many sub-types under each of these. 

Agency assisted adoptions are like using a middle man to do the matching. We can submit our family profile to them and they can show it to birth mothers whose criteria matches ours. If a birth mother selects us, then we’d meet in person and eventually a birth mother would choose us to potentially adopt her baby. I say potentially because there’s always the possibility that the birth family will choose to keep the baby after birth. 

In Attorney assisted adoption things can be similar to the agency adoptions in the sense that the attorney has a pool of families that they can suggest to birth mothers. However, an agency offers extra things that an attorney doesn’t always do. This doesn’t mean that attorney assisted adoptions are better or worse, just that they’re different. It really depends on your unique needs as a family. 

Finally, an adoptive family can do an independent adoption. I’m using this term to mean that the adoptive parents somehow found a birth family on their own. This is all about the matching phase remember. Most adoptions will still have an attorney in them at some point and some families choose to have the agency assist in other ways with the adoption outside of the matching process. So, the most commonly thought of story here is that a friend of a friend knows someone who’s having a baby and hoping to make an adoption plan. They introduce us to the birth mother and after meeting we all decide if this would be a good match. Then you take things from there to an agency/attorney. 

Honestly, we do not know clearly which way God is moving us yet. We know that we need to get the home study done because all these options will require an approved home study. But how we’ll find our birth mother match still feels like we’re on hold with the exact details. We’re staying open to God’s leading on this one and just taking it all one step at a time. The details that we are clear on is that God has a baby (or baby + another child 2 years and under) for us somewhere and that this baby will be non-white. We have an idea of what race and gender we think we’re expecting, but again, we’re just praying and waiting on God to bring us together with the birth mom that He has for us. 

Fundraising…

Fundraising – a necessary step in many adoptions. Adoption can be expensive. There are so many little things to buy here and there; so many tests and appointments to make. There are fees to pay for services, training, and other such things. The little bits really add up over time, but the biggest expense will be the Placement (Matching) Fee if we go with an agency or attorney. Obviously these people put in time and effort to help birth moms and adoptive families meet and decide on their next steps. This is their literal day to day job and their work is important. In order for them to continue making these joyful connections in other people’s lives, they need to be paid! So, this is where the price really jumps up as opposed to meeting a birth mother on your own. It’s estimated that we’ll need at least $20,000 baseline for adoption through an agency or attorney.

With this in mind, we’re beginning the fundraising process. We have pretty good reason to believe that we’ll be approved to adopt and so it’s a good idea to begin gathering the money we’ll need in order to pay for the expenses associated with adopting a child. We’d like to be ready for a lengthy wait or for an unexpected and quick placement. This is why we’re beginning to ask for financial help even before having a completed home study. 

And so, would you consider helping us adopt our next child? We would be so blessed to receive from anyone that feels led to sow into this very special part of our lives. We have a set up an adoption fund through The Vineyard Church of Central Illinois. You can give in two ways. The first way is to write a check to The Vineyard Church in the amount you wish to donate. If you’d like it to be tax deductible, do NOT write our names on the check (or cash in an envelope). Instead, include a note with the check indicating where you’d like this money to go. You can hand the check directly to Putty or me, OR you can send it to the church at: 1500 N. Lincoln Ave, Urbana, IL 61801.

The other way to give is online. There will be a fee involved if giving this way, so part of your donation will go towards the credit card fees. The link to donate by card is: https://thevineyardchurch.ccbchurch.com/goto/forms/989/responses/new

Wrapping it Up…

Thank you so much to everyone that’s already been asking us how things are going with our adoption. It’s fun to finally talk about something that’s been on my heart for years! I’ve loved hearing your own stories of adoption and I look forward to continuing to connect with you through the blog or in person. Thank you all so much and please continue to pray with us that God will help us find the right match. Thank you!

Adoption, God, My Story

Adoption Update: August 2019

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Application Submitted…

We finally did it! 4 months after a post saying that we were getting ready to submit our application to adopt, we actually did it! Why the long wait? Well, as I mentioned in another post, we felt led by God to reinvestigate a variety of ways to adopt and schedule more meetings and phone calls with the various professionals involved in each type of adoption. I now know a lot more than I did and I’m so glad to have a greater understanding of the adoption world as a whole!

We learned more about different adoption programs such as Foster Care to Adopt, the Adopt Waiting Children program, and International Adoption. When we considered all the options each of these give us and weighed many factors, we decided to go ahead and do what we originally planned, Private Domestic Adoption. This fits best with our current priorities for adoption and learning more about the rest of the programs out there confirmed that our original intention was the right one for us at this time. It feels very good to be even more settled than we were before. 

What Will People Think?…

One thing that came to light for me personally was how much worry I had wrapped up in how people would view our adoption choices. I knew what God had placed in my heart, but I also knew all the other opinions out there and judgement that could be awaiting me. My mind kept hearing the arguments against the adoption we were choosing and the arguments for all the other types of adoption. I began to feel like I would need to defend my choices and I didn’t know how I would do that. I worried that maybe I wasn’t actually doing what was best.

Because of this inner dialogue, I started to doubt, worry, and wonder. At times, I felt like wavering and giving up. Putty, my husband, isn’t too worried about what others think. He stands firm in his resolve that God spoke and that’s all that matters. This made it hard for me to share openly with him all that was going through my mind and so, sometimes, I felt alone in this too. Perhaps what felt most difficult was hearing ‘Wait’ from God over and over again. I just wanted Him to tell me what to do! I didn’t want to wait, I wanted to be active.

Inner Strengthening…

So, after taking another look at adoption options, reading more books, and talking with more people, I eventually came to know what I really wanted and the best program for that. I came out of this weighing process feeling more firm in my path of adoption. I gained inner strength and conviction towards our decision. These past 4 months have been enormously helpful as we’ve prepared our hearts and family for welcoming another child into our home. And God has finally said, ‘Go!’

Rewards of Waiting…

It wasn’t easy… the waiting. So many times I felt like I was just treading water. It didn’t feel like I was moving forward, but I kept hearing God say, ‘Wait.’ Have you ever felt like this? We can want something to happen or at least see forward motion so badly that we jump ahead and miss the growth and strengthening that happens in the waiting. But when we wait we get the joy of feeling the quickening that comes after the waiting. We feel the peace of having been patient, self-controlled and obedient. And we get to experience the hopeful expectation of the next step that God will lead us on.

Adoption, God, My Story

Doubts

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Doubts

Doubts. They come at me when I’m trying to fall asleep at night, when I receive negative feedback, or when I hear/read about a hard story. For as much as I’m excited about adopting, the doubts still find their way in. They tell me that I’m not going to do well. They say I’m crazy to think about adding this new ‘complexity’ to my life. They tell me to take the easy road and ‘forget about it’.

Me DOUBTING whether throwing this is a good idea

As I’ve said before, I want to adopt transracially. I want to have a racially diverse family. This adds another element of doubts that come against me. Will I be able to appropriately help my adopted child(ren?) to know their cultural background? Will I know how to take care of their unique needs that are different from mine? For example, non-white hair and skin needs. Will I be able to parent them well enough so when they become adults and leave our home they can enter society well prepared? I am acutely aware that parenting a transracial child will be different than parenting my biological children. Can I do it?

Wrestling…

Does anyone else out there struggle with doubts? Does anyone else out there wonder if what they *think* they heard from God was actually Him? Doesn’t it seem like it’s supposed to be easy if we’re following the steps that He’s laid out for us? That would make the most sense to me, but then I look at my past history in this area. Yes, there are times when it feels easy, but there are plenty when it’s just plain hard. After all, Jesus didn’t promise it’d be easy. In Luke 9:23 Jesus said,

 Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny theamselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

However, despite the hardships we carry when we follow Christ, we also experience great grace for what He’s called us to. He gives us peace, hope, and joy. Sometimes it seems like when Satan comes against me, God’s grace comes to me in greater measure! God provides what I need to make it through all that His call on my life requires. Paul prays in Hebrews 13:20-21:

Now may the God of peace ... equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Assurance…

Doing something hard as a child, but being fully supported

I have definitely experienced His grace and goodness while following God’s call. I see it again in our adoption process. In the midst of the swirl of confusion – clarity. In the midst of the chaotic thoughts – peace. In the midst of the fears – love. I hear God say to me: ‘I made you for this. I called you to adopt transracially. I put this dream in your heart. It wasn’t from you, it was from Me.’ And once again, I know I am fully supported by the ONE who knows everything. I have the strength yet again, to take the next step forward, to learn the next thing, and to speak out again in truth. God’s grace and goodness propel me onwards to follow His call.

Honesty…

It’s true, I’ll make mistakes while following His path. I won’t do everything right. In fact, it’s like this in every situation in which we choose to put ourselves ‘out there.’ We fail… but we will succeed too. We risk… and we keep faith. We worry… but we have hope. We are courageous. We have the ability to do something that frightens us and come out FEARLESS! I will put my insecurities in the place they belong – with God, not with me. I’ll take the dream that He’s given me and take it step by step. I’ll trust that He knows the best path for me and follow it. What will you do with your God-given dreams? Will you turn back when doubts assail you or will you find courage and strength to keep pressing onward?

Adoption, God, My Story

One Hundred Kids

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One Hundred  Kids

Do you know what seems pretty impossible? Having 100 kids biologically. The most recorded number that any one mother has ever had is 69! Even though it’s over halfway there, it’s still not 100. When I was little I remember thinking, ‘I want to have 100 kids when I grow up!’ But even then, I knew that wasn’t physically possible. So I told myself, ‘I guess I’ll just have to have an orphanage.’

Family of Feodor Vassilyev whose 1st wife had 69 children

Orphanages…

I’m not sure why so many of my childhood thoughts revolved around orphanages. Maybe it’s because my brother was adopted out of one. Maybe it’s because my grandmother had lived in one. Maybe it was just all the popular movies of the 80s and 90s that focused on children in orphanages – think Annie, Anne of Green Gables, and other such stories. But, orphanages were in my play and in my perceived future.

The orphanage my grandmother lived in

God speaking…

I didn’t dwell long on the idea of having an orphanage with 100 kids in it. I went about my life of growing up, going to college, getting married, and so on. Yes, from time to time I remembered that ‘silly childhood thought,’ but I didn’t give it any weight. Until…

When I was a newly married woman, I started attending a Charismatic church. The talk about the experience of the Holy Spirit was different from my Evangelical upbringing. Eventually, I started learning about prophecy and how God can speak to us in so many ways. Very vividly, this childhood statement came back to mind. Was it a prophetic message from God? Was He trying to tell me something through this? What could it mean?

Asking…

So, I began asking God if this thought was from Him or if it was just a childish notion? If it was from God, was it for now or sometime in my future? Was it literal or figurative? I mean, how could it be literal from God when I’m pretty sure that the last US orphanage closed by 1979 and I don’t feel a call to overseas missions? If it’s figurative, what part of my life does it intersect with; children, students, friends, mentees, etc?

Comparing…

Whatever this is, it hasn’t been as clear cut as the time God spoke to a man who was praying over Putty and said that he saw an albatross bird flying over an ocean (and other things). Umm… Yes, Putty was about to go out on a mission trip to China that would change his life! It hasn’t been as obvious as the word I received in February 2009 and just read again recently that said, ‘Playing Piano: take time to worship on your own’. What is God calling me into right now – ten years later? Playing piano and worshiping on my own! It’s amazing how His words come to pass literally (playing piano and worship) and figuratively (an albatross flying over the ocean).

What I do know…

Even now, what I do know about the orphanage thoughts is that it lines right up with my desire to have children. It lines up with my heart for orphans and children in need. It lines up with God’s call for us to bring a child into our lives through adoption, whether a true orphan or an ‘emotional/spiritual’ orphan. God has been speaking. He’s been speaking since my childhood! He’s been gently guiding my future and now is the time to get my feet on the ground and start running with it! I’m so excited to bring the next child into our family.

Listening, Waiting, Responding…

We can all hear from God. We should hold onto the things we think God has spoken over us. We need to be ready to move if He shows us something in alignment with those words. It might take a long time, but  what is important is the process of listening, waiting, and responding. God can and does speak to us, even as a child.

Adoption, My Story

Pre-Steps to Adoption

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Pre-Steps to Adoption

When I dreamed about adopting, my idea of the process was formed from my Mom and Dad’s experience – go into a foreign orphanage, choose the baby that God highlights to you, get all paperwork and approval done in 3 days, and be on your way with your new baby. As I looked into the current adoption process, I realized how miraculous their adoption really was!

The process is much more than 3 days, but even before that part begins, there’s so much to decide ahead of time! My hope is that through sharing some of what we’re learning through our adoption process, others will know more of what to expect for their own journey. But of course, each adoption story is as unique and individual as the children that are adopted!

So Many Decisions…

In researching, I read a lot of blogs and books that outlined the process AFTER an application had been filled out, but didn’t see many about the part prior to it. My experience is that there’s a lot of work and deciding that has to be done before you even submit the initial application to adopt. Obviously, the first step is to decide to welcome an adopted child into your home and then decide on the ‘right’ timing. Once Putty and I felt like it was the right time for us, we contacted a private agency a friend recommended to us, so we could ask questions about the process.

But before we could even schedule a meeting we were told that we had to decide if we would be going the domestic or international route. This was not what I wanted to hear because I wanted to talk with a knowledgeable individual about the differences between the two. Unfortunately, different employees handle the different types of adoption and that’s why I needed to know which route I wanted to explore. I guess I could’ve scheduled two separate meetings, but I didn’t think about that at the time.

Stalled…

Honestly, I felt like I got stopped in my excited tracks. I was having such a hard time deciding what I truly felt God was showing me as our adoption journey. Most of this is probably because I have a hard time making decisions. There’s a fear that I’ll choose wrong and something won’t go well. But, through this journey I’ve learned a lot about what choosing actually looks like. So, for a year I took time to research different types of adoption, have discussions with my husband, reflect, discuss with friends, reflect some more, and then decide. It was a long process, but one that ended up giving me a lot more clarity.

Adoption Inquiry Meeting…

After a year of weighing domestic vs. international, we decided to look into domestic adoption. The next step was to schedule our adoption inquiry meeting with the agency and learn as much as we could about the process before filling out the application. This meeting ended up being really helpful and we got some clarity on private vs. fostering adoption, costs, getting matched with a child, and the steps through it all. We knew that we had another long process ahead of us, but we were up for the journey because this was about our future child!

Fast Forward…

Everything above this paragraph was written prior to my post Adoption Update: April 28, 2019. Since that post, we have had so many more interactions with people about their experiences with adoption and we are yet again rethinking and praying about some of our initial decisions. This truly is a process and not one to be taken lightly or to rush ahead in. Please pray for us that God will make things more clear for us and that He will guide us in the adoption steps that are His best for our family, current and future.

In all this, I’m learning that important decisions don’t necessarily have a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ path. There are usually many good paths and some bad ones. Obviously, we want to choose from the good ones. God teaches us to be patient in the waiting, always listening for when He’ll show us which next step to take. Also, we can be sure that no matter what good choice we make, God will bring about His goodness in the journey.

Adoption, My Story

Playing Orphanage

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Playing Orphanage

Most kids I know play ‘house’ or ‘family’. Me? I played ‘orphanage.’ I’m not sure why exactly. It probably came out of my sister’s wonderful imagination. She, being 7 years older than me, had a very developed creative play world. Or.. maybe it came from our favorite stories, The Little Princess, Anne of Green Gables or Annie.

  • My sister and me

How it Went…

The game went like this: Dressed in ‘rags’, my sister would leave me on the ‘doorstep’ of our bedroom door. Then she’d come out of the door and ‘discover’ that someone had left a baby – me! She’d gather me in her arms and take me in. She dressed me, fed me, and played with me. She cared for all my needs and the life of ‘little orphan Brittany’ was secure.

Influencing Now…

Safe Surrender

This childhood game fanned the flame of adoption in me. Oddly enough, it’s not an altogether absurd idea – people leaving babies on doorsteps. In my research on adoption, I came across a lot of stories, mostly international, about children being left in open-air places to be purposely found and cared for. I imagine that these birth parents gave up their children with a hope that they would be found and provided for in a way that they couldn’t provide at that time. We don’t see babies left on doorsteps a lot in the US, but there are places for parents to relinquish their babies. These are safe places where they will be taken care of and moved into a system to help find them permanent care. These places are designated with a sign like the one above.

What’s This Mean for Us?

Since we’re probably going to adopt domestically, it’s unrealistic that we’ll run into this situation and be the parents that bring home a baby ‘left on a doorstep.’ But many babies and children today need families that are in a position to take them in and care for them. There are so many stories out there of why children need adoptive families. There are as many unique stories as there are children. I know my future adoptive child will have a story that’s full of both love & heartache and I will be honored to be the one to walk through it with him or her.

Adoption, My Story

Village Mindset

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Village Mindset…

In looking into adoption, I’ve combed through many books, blogs, and internet sites. One term that’s come up repeatedly is Kinship Care (formal or informal). Kinship care refers to the care of children by relatives or close family friends (often referred to as fictive kin) for children who must be removed from their birth parents. Immediately my mind thinks of that old adage, ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ As I’ve raised my own children, I have often thought about this saying. In our current society it can seem like we don’t often see this village mindset in action. We so often feel like we have to independently go at it alone and in so doing miss the blessing of a community.

My Own Village…

When I first married, we moved to a town where we had no family in order for my husband to attend grad school. He did have a few friends from his childhood (fictive kin), but I had no one. I eventually made friends and found my community. It was life-giving to have others to ‘do life’ with. After the birth of our first child, I again found myself needing more community – a bigger village. Over the years more and more of our family members have moved to town and I’ve discovered how much of a ‘village’ I had still been missing. The help and support I’ve received from our family (blood and fictive) these past years has been priceless. Sure, I could’ve done it on my own, but the outcome would have been very different and much more difficult.

  • My in-town Olson family
  • My in-town Putman family

Receiving my Own…

Accepting help and encouragement from ‘my village’ has set me on a trajectory of emotional, spiritual, and personal health. It’s bolstered my energy, peace, and love. I’ve learned how to give because of the ways I’ve been given to. Being raised in and raising kids in a village is amazing and awesome. Not only is it good for my kids, but it’s good for me too. I’m so thankful for the communities and families that model the village mindset of supporting those around them. I guess one could say, ‘It takes a village to raise a parent,’ too.

Adoption, My Story

Grandma Johnson

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Grandma Johnson

Little did I know growing up that the adoption thread in my family didn’t start with us! You see, I have five cousins that were adopted (from Korea and Costa Rica). But my brother was the first (adopted from Indonesia), or so I thought. I don’t remember when I learned, but my own grandmother was adopted as an early adolescent after being abandoned, going through foster care and living in an orphanage.

The Life and Times…

Grandma’s mother died when she was a young girl. After that, her father remarried. Sadly, her step-mother didn’t really ‘choose to accept’ these step-children and they weren’t treated kindly. Her dad was a bit of a shady character too. He wasn’t around all the time and he had some run-ins with the law. Sadly, she was eventually forced out of her home through abandonment. She entered into foster care and thankfully, had a wonderful foster mom. This woman was involved in a church community where Grandma met a wonderful Sunday School teacher.

Grandma Johnson (left) and her two brothers around the time her mom died

Unfortunately, her foster mom had to have a serious surgery and couldn’t care for her anymore. So Grandma was put into the orphanage. This was so sad for her foster mom, that she pleaded with the people in her church to adopt my grandma. After praying, the kind Sunday School teacher and her husband felt like they should adopt Grandma Johnson. So they did!

Changed For Good…

I never heard my grandma talk about her childhood, but God brought about so much good from her hardship. She married my precious and gentle Grandpa Johnson and they had six children. Each of those children had kids (a mix of both biological and adopted) giving her 29 grandkids, six of whom are adopted. In the next generation, my generation, there are so many great grandkids and we’re still counting! But, out of them all (so far) there have been eight adoptions and I hope to add to that number through our own adoption journey.

Grandma and Grandpa J. with their Children and Grandchildren circa 1989

Legacy…

Grandma Johnson truly started a family legacy. Because of one caring woman who advocated for Grandma Johnson and one couple that listened to the Lord’s leading, an adoption legacy was birthed. I’m so excited to continue it in my own family! It also makes me wonder, what legacy will God write into my story? How will God use the ups and downs of my life to change a generation, and the one after that!

Grandma Johnson at our family reunion circa 1998
Adoption, My Story

White Savior?!?

brittanymputman

White Savior…

Two words that really shook me were ‘white savior.’ I read it in a blog and maybe a book and thought about it a bit. I then worried whether that term applied to me or not in regards to my desire to adopt transracially. I kept thinking about it and decided that it was not the case. But, I ran into a friend who advised me not to list a preferred race on my adoption application because people might perceive it as the ‘white savior complex.’ I value this friend’s thoughts on the topic and so this comment really got me thinking. After all, I don’t think she thought of me this way, but how in the world can I help others to understand that it’s not in my heart to adopt “just to feel good about myself and bring up a non-white baby to be white-like”?

Interracial Family…

All my life, I pictured a diverse family. You see, I grew up in an interracial family. My brother and I were different skin colors. He is Indonesian and I am white. Being 11 years younger than him, I didn’t discuss his entry into our family (adoption), and he didn’t discuss mine (biological). We just were family. As an adult, I now see there was probably times of discomfort on his end in being a different ethnicity from the rest of the family, but I also hope there was joy. This wasn’t the only picture I saw of interracial adoption either. Of the 14 adoptions in my extended family, they’ve all been interracial, even the ones by non-white adopters, like my brother. What I saw of adoption was beautiful and colorful (can I say that?). I pictured my future family as being interracial and growing through adoption.

My older sister and I with our aunt holding our dolls.
Our family made sure our dolls were interracial.

Define White Savior…

Wikipedia defines white savior as “a white person who acts to help non-white people, with the help in some contexts perceived to be self-serving.” Let me just clearly say, this is not what we are doing in wanting to adopt a non-white child. We believe God is calling us to adopt transracially. Ultimately, this isn’t about our choice, it is about obedience.

Preparation…

Even though God’s showing us that now is time to move forward with adoption, the truth is that God placed this dream in my heart as a young child and has been preparing me throughout my life. My experience of growing up in a transracial family (immediate and extended) is just one of the ways He prepared me for His desire for my future family. As I reflect back to my childhood friendships I realize that many of my friends were fostered and/or adopted. This did not shape my view of my friends, but it was a part of who they were. Finally, being on the younger end of my extended family has given me many opportunities to see my cousins and brother love, nurture, discipline/train-up, and fully accept their adopted children, while still encouraging the cultural heritage they are a part of and preparing them for the world ahead of them. God has been preparing me (and He still is) for walking in obedience to His direction for us to adopt a child that’s racially different from us.

Obedience…

We choose to obey the call of God on our lives to adopt transracially. We are not unaware that it will be hard and that we will be stretched to grow in so many areas of our lives. But we are committed to take the hard along with the plentiful good. We are committed to learn what we need to learn to help all of our children understand not only my husband’s and my culture, but the culture of our adopted child. We will not be afraid to ask questions, seek answers, and find support for each unknown in our future. We are excited to grow in our adoption and we are honored to be the ones to love and cherish our next child.

No, I am not the savior in this adoption. I am white, but the longing for our future child comes out of a deep place, a calling put inside me by my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Me with one of our childhood dolls

Post Script: After talking with another friend about this topic, she said something that was a really good reminder and a truth I’ll need to keep in mind:

“Some people are just going to think about you in this way (white savior complex) and you won’t be able to change their minds.”

This is always a good thing to keep in mind. We need to be more motivated by what God says and what is true in our heart than by what other’s might think.