Adoption – Page 2 – Brittany M Putman

Adoption, My Story, Praise and Worship, Voice

It’s My Blogging Birthday!

April 17, 2020 brittanymputman

One Year of Blogging!…

You guys! I’m so excited! I’ve been blogging for a year! Honestly, when I started this, I just wasn’t sure if I’d keep with it. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to keep at it, but I just didn’t believe in myself 100%. I’m so glad I went through with it anyway. Now I can say I’ve blogged for a year! I’ve been looking back over my past posts and thinking about what I had in mind when I started blogging and where the journey has gone so far. So, this post will be a reflection on blogging over the past year.

STATS…

I thought it’d be fun to begin my reflection with a few stats. Over the past year I’ve written 44 posts with 33,782 words! I’ve had 68 comments on the blog itself plus many more through Facebook comments. My top three most viewed posts are White Savior?!?, Could This Be Our Match?, and Adoption Update 2019. Finally, there have been 2,944 visitors viewing my blog 4,376 times from 36 countries! Wow! Thank you to everyone who has followed along on this blogging journey!

Let’s start at the very beginning…

When I started this blog, my mind felt like it was being pulled in so many directions. First was the adoption process. There were so many boxes to check before we could be approved to adopt and then who knew what would happen after that! Then, there was this deep longing inside of me to share more of who I am and what my life story has been. The stories swirled as I desired to share them with someone new! Last, through more introspection, I had many new questions, ideas, and thoughts come to mind and I really needed a place/person to dialogue with about those things. Enter my blog.

That was my mindset when I started this blog – a soup full of so many ‘tastes’ and they all called for attention. That’s when God, in His quiet and calm voice, prompted me to start a blog. I didn’t know what He was doing or where this would go, but I decided to go along with it. A local friend gave me some very good advice. I now pass this along to anyone thinking of starting a blog. She told me that I ought to have 10 posts written before I even published my first post. I’m so thankful for that advice. It really helped me keep traction at the beginning.

Then when ‘life happened’ in the middle of my first sequence of ten posts, it was my husband who encouraged me to veer from what I planned and allow myself some spontaneity in the post cycle. After all, a blog of this type is usually about what’s happening NOW and interrupting my plan to reflect on the current events would be totally in-line with what I was doing.

When I started this post, my goal was to alternate posts between one of my thoughts/ideas and adoption related topics. I did that pretty well for a while. But, those posts started to get fewer and far between. What started as a deep need to talk out the adoption process and pass along information to others who might be in a similar place, moved to a need to discuss the information I was taking in from so many different sources and opinions about interracial adoption and even race/culture in general.

Although I haven’t read all of these books, I have read quite a few on adoption at this point and there are plenty more out there ready and waiting

The posts moved from a place of safety (just telling my story) to a place of personal tentative viewpoints (posts about race/culture). How would my posts with the topic of race/culture be received, understood, and viewed? Did I write them in a way that was loving and honoring to everyone involved? Did I often come out with a white woman’s perspective or was I able to write with another perspective in mind? And while I’m bringing that up, how in the world do you separate your own life-long perspective, the one that you don’t even realize you have, with the other ones that you’re reading about and listening to and really thinking about? It’s hard to do. I still don’t know if I’m doing it well, but I believe I’m trying with a pure heart. So, I wrote out the hard questions I had and made myself come to and voice a place of conclusion, at least for the time being.

Somewhere in the Middle…

Somewhere in the middle of the past year, I started to fall in love with my musical side again. I expressed my deep connection to music and moved through what it’s like to create music and also teach others. The joys of helping someone else ‘win’ at creating music is so rewarding! Yet at the same time, this focus on music began to pull my own heart towards creating music again. I immersed myself in figuring out how to play piano so I could play and sing on my own. I went out on a limb and recorded myself learning this new musical ambition. Then, in act of true transparency, I posted the recordings, mistakes and all, in hopes that I could be an encouragement to others to keep progressing towards their musical dreams.

My first recored and posted video

My most recent and posted video

The Present Place…

Now, a year later, I’m in a very different place for writing. I don’t have the stash of posts ready to publish anymore, but I do have a long list of topic ideas yet to be explored. I don’t have the swirling craziness inside my head anymore. Instead I have a great system (blogging) for thinking through and expressing the journey of any particular thought or idea. I don’t have as many posts about adoption. Instead my lack of posts reflect where we’re at in the journey – waiting. This blog has helped me organize my thoughts, express them, and then dialogue with others about them. Sometimes I get pushback on what I’ve posted, but most of the times I’ve been incredibly encouraged by you, my readers.

All in all, I’m feeling really glad that I went out on a limb, publicly, and started to blog. I’ve found a really helpful way to organize my thoughts, talk them out with others, and find expression for the deep feelings inside of me. As I’ve written, I’ve felt God encouraging me that my vulnerability and authenticity will allow others to be the same. It allows others to ask the hard questions and wrestle with what they really think. While I share my story, through writing or the music videos, I’m giving voice to what’s going on inside me and that’s really important for all people.

In January 2019, while I was in England and talking with God, He told me, ‘You have a voice and it’s meant to be heard.’ It seems that over this year through blogging, singing, and teaching, that statement is being walked out. It’s thrilling and terrifying. It’s exciting and sometimes humbling, but in the end, I feel peaceful. I’ve followed God’s leading and in a sense, I’ve ‘grown up’ or matured because of it. I’d like to keep that trajectory in the following years.

What’s Next?…

So, what does the next year hold? I plan to keep writing, that’s for sure! But where and what will my blog posts explore? I hope that we’ll make an adoption match soon and I can share the process of being on that journey in a fresh, new way! I hope my musical ambition will continue to push me forward into new spaces and remind me of the all the things that have formed me. I hope I won’t shy away from hard subjects, but instead invite a dialogue about these topics in order to learn more and get new perspectives. What’s next? I honestly don’t know, but I’m excited to witness the change in me, my family, and my ‘world’ a year from now. I’m looking forward to sharing more with all of you!

Adoption, Bible, family, God, Kingdom, Leadership, My Story, Praise and Worship

Have Fun and Obey

March 20, 2020 brittanymputman

What’s going on?…

It started with a look. I could tell she was processing something. She seemed a little worried, a bit fearful, and agitated. I decided we should try worshiping together (kids and me) and then see if we could do some spontaneous prayer-worship afterwards. It sounded great to me, but none of my kids went for it. As I sang on my own I noticed my daughter drawing ever more inwards focused. Soon she was crying and when our time of singing was done she ran up to her room and locked the door.

Oops. Did I go too far in requiring us all to worship together? Even though I was hoping this would be a moment where we’d all rally together through music, my expectation didn’t happen. What did happen was that the emotions being held down by ‘strength of will’ came to the surface. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I experience that all the time when I’m worshiping Jesus – Smiles and Tears. It was no different in my kids. The emotions of stress rose to the surface and now I had three kids with varying degrees of emotional stress needing me. Worship helped me and the kids finally be ready to talk about what worries they have had over the recent changes in our lives. So, it still turned out to be a helpful time, just different than I expected.

Being Comforted…

As I went upstairs to talk to my daughter, I hoped she’d open up and let me help her. PHEW! She opened the door to me and allowed me to hug her while she cried. Then she shared her worries. It was related to Coronavirus. Through tears she told me that she was afraid that her grandparents and our new (yet to be adopted) baby might get sick. She didn’t want them to get sick. She was worried for them and that caused her to have some pretty big stress hanging around her. I was so surprised at the depth of compassion she had! I didn’t know that was what was worrying her! I thought she’d be more worried about her own health. Not so.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Doing the Right Thing…

It was the answer that God gave me in the moment that stuck with me most. I could tell that my sweet, kind, and oh-so-responsible kid was taking on a load much too big for her. She was wanting to be sure that she was doing the right things to keep others from getting sick. The only problem was that she didn’t know what all those things were. And, as we’re all well aware, the guidelines were/are changing regularly. She felt a level of responsibility over this COVID-19 stuff.

At that moment, I told her that her only responsibility was to have fun and obey her parents. (Yes, I’m sure there are many other responsibilities, but that’s what was needed at that instant.) I then went on to explain that it’s my responsibility to keep track of the guidelines that the government is giving us. It’s my job to listen to the press conferences, check the news, and keep updated on other notifications. Then I would tell her what she needed to know. As long as she obeyed what I said, then she’d be doing the ‘right thing.’ That was her job – obey her parents.

Responsibility: Have Fun and Obey…

As I thought about this a bit more, it became apparent to me that this is a lesson for adults too. In the midst of a constantly changing atmosphere of rules and regulations, it’s our job to obey too. It’s not our responsibility to know all the ins and outs of what’s happening or even how to defeat this disease. We have lawmakers, government officials, and other well-educated-in-these-areas people to do that. If we as citizens listen and obey the guidelines set forth, then we’re fulfilling our responsibility. We can allow the governing officials to do the higher level work in this area.

Then, as usually happens, another area of realization came to mind. I was discussing all this with my sister-in-law when she sweetly pointed out that it’s also like this in our Christian walk. As God’s children, it’s our responsibility to obey God. We don’t have to know all of the information. We don’t have to plan or make perfect decisions. God is the one that has the ultimate vantage-point and information to help us as we go about fulfilling our purpose. He guides us to what’s best and it’s our responsibility to have fun and obey our Parent, God.

This is so true! When God asked me to start writing this blog, I thought I had heard wrong because surely God wouldn’t ask me to write a blog. That was nowhere near my desire or my experience. In fact, I had tried blogging before and stopped after just one post! But, I obeyed. And now, almost a year later, I can see the trail of good things that have come about because I obeyed – and I even had a little fun. 😉 God knew the bigger picture and I didn’t have to know it in order to obey.

So, what about you? How does this look in your life? I’d be so interested to hear a little story from you. When has God asked you to obey …and have fun?

P.S. My daughter gave me permission to share her story, although I doubt she’d want people to talk with her about it face to face. 🙂

Adoption, My Story, Voice

Cultural Curiosity

February 14, 2020 brittanymputman

Curious Questions…

While in England, we dined at a nice restaurant with a great group of people. The conversation was very nice and we seemed to be hitting it off well. Since I felt a level of comfort with these new friends, I went ahead and started asking all my cultural questions about England. Most of them revolved around the differences in the names of food. I had expected to go to England and understand the menu, but instead I found myself surprisingly confused by words I didn’t recognize. Once explained, I understood and ordered a tasty meal.

But as we headed out, I wanted to use the bathroom before we got back in the car to travel to our next stop. I didn’t think twice, I just asked, “What do you call the bathrooms in England? Do you use the term bathroom, or is it water closet or something else?” The looks of confusion caused me to wonder if I had just asked too many questions or been improper while trying to be more culturally aware. In case you’re wondering, the answer is toilets.

I don’t think I actually offended these people with my questions, but it certainly made me become a bit more introspective about my questions habit. Am I being offensive or rude with my line of questioning or even just annoying? Do other people want to talk about the differences in our cultures or is it just me? Is my curiosity for other cultures a personal trait or does everyone have it? I certainly don’t feel shy about asking questions. Over our visit I asked some other clarifying questions and really learned a lot. Still, occasionally, I saw some strange looks when I said things that might not have been quite understood because of my American way of interacting.

How to Learn…

This leads me to yet another question, what are appropriate ways to learn about other cultures, especially the ones in my own back yard? Obviously, reading is a wonderful way to learn. I love to read up on a country’s history before visiting. I can also watch documentaries about different cultures and hope they’re giving the correct information. But, what I really want to do after I’ve had a glimpse into another culture is ask questions to someone from that culture.

But how close of a relationship do I need to have with a person from a different culture before engaging in this type of dialogue? Can I read about Latino-American culture and then just jump into asking a ton of questions to a person from that culture? Can I watch an adoption training video on black hair care & styling and expect that it’s acceptable to then ask questions of just any African-American that I come in contact with?

Conversations about Culture…

The obvious answer is that it’s best to have conversations about culture with friends or close acquaintances. I agree. However, I find that my natural exuberance to talk about what I’m learning and ask questions leads me to try and engage in conversations with any person that I perceive as knowledgeable and with whom I feel comfortable. In my mind, I respect this person’s opinion, so I’m asking. But sometimes I wonder if it’s looked at as ignorant, distasteful, or even condescending.

My hope is to emanate love and acceptance through my desire to understand a person’s culture. What do you call the bathrooms in England? Why is Amsterdam’s flag and coat of arms three X’s (XXX)? How do the habitants of Brussels interact so fluidly with people from so many nations? Why are dreadlocks called both dreads and locks? Do Christians of Mexican heritage participate in the Day of the Dead and how do they view it from a spiritual perspective? How do the Chinese feel about population control?

My questions can go on and on, but who’s safe to talk to? How do I know that it’s all right to ask my questions to a particular individual? I guess, sometimes I’ve just asked and had a favorable response. As an aside: Thanks to anyone who’s answered my curious questions! There have been others who opened the conversation first and so it was as easy as responding and going from there. Thank you! And still others have invited me to ask when a question comes up. There are people in my life who know we’re planning to adopt interracially and they have offered their wisdom and guidance for the present and the future. Thank you. This means so much to me!

In an age where I could search the internet to find my answer and troll social media, I find that I’d rather speak with real people who are living out the answers to my questions on a daily basis. I want open conversation between me and other cultures with an understanding that my seeking for more knowledge is my way of honoring the differences between us and not a way to exploit them. I see this as especially important as we’re moving closer to the day when we’ll have a child of a different racial make up than us as part of our family.

Relational Capital…

So, I guess the answer I’ve come to is Relational Capital. It’s important to have relational capital with people when asking questions that might be sensitive in nature. Being aware of the relationship I have with others and how much I’ve given to it versus how much I’ve taken from it is really important. Assessing this can help me know more fully who’s appropriate to ask questions to and when I should look for another person instead. Not only is it helpful to me, but it’s showing respect to the other person. It’s actually considering the other person and choosing whether I can ‘make a withdrawal’ or should ‘make a deposit.’ All people and relationships are different and worth being considered when my cultural curiosity speaks up.

Safe People…

I’m thankful I have people in my life who I’ve cultivated relationships with, like those who have already offered to be a safe person for me to bounce my questions off of. They have given me a hope that I won’t be alone when the questions come. I have more confidence in moving forward with our interracial adoption because I know that I have people who will walk me into understanding as the need arises. I don’t have to learn only from reading books and watching videos. I have real, live people who want to see me succeed and want to help me in this new space. I am aware of the people that I have relational capital with and who value sharing their experience with me.

When I think about these people, I know that I too want to be a safe person for someone else to ask questions of, even if the relational capital is on the low side. I want to be open to sharing my experience with many people. Do you want to ask about American politics? Do you want to know about white skin & hair care? Do you want to know what it’s like being married to a pastor? Do you want to know more about getting into singing or music? (See video on releasing tongue tension below) Do you want to ask me something? I invite you to ask me. I’ll do my best to see the curiosity in your question and the desire to understand and through our dialogue I hope we’ll continue to build up our relational capital.

Adoption, My Story

Racial Diversity: From Minimal to More

January 31, 2020 brittanymputman

The Great North…

Living in a Minnesotan suburb and attending a private liberal arts college ‘up there’ meant I had a diversity culture shock when I moved to a university town in Central Illinois. It’s not that where I lived in Minnesota had no racial diversity, but what I thought was diverse, was actually just a few non-white people here and there. My college was really pushing to increase diversity on our campus and also raise awareness of bigger issues pertaining to the subject. While I was there a new program began, the Racial Reconciliation Studies program. I thought this was pretty cool and listened from afar as people talked about the importance of such a program. I even felt like I was automatically walking as racially aware because my values were in-line with what the school was teaching and I didn’t disagree. But I was wrong.

Just South of Chicago…

When I moved to my current university town, I was amazed at how many different people groups there were all around me! My time in Illinois showed me how much I had been missing and also clued me into what my husband, Putty grew up around – him being from a Chicago suburb. In fact, Putty teased me a bit when he realized some of my earliest comments about diversity were leaning towards amazement at the level of diversity around me. He said, “Brittany, this is like where I went to elementary and secondary school and grew up. It’s not that abnormal actually.” I took that comment in and realized that there was so much more that I didn’t know!

Racial Reconciliation…

After we decided on a church to attend, I joined the Racial Reconciliation meetings held on Sunday mornings. I was so glad to be in a diverse group and meet new people and learn new things. I quickly came to realize that a lot of the racial reconciliation I was encountering seemed to be mostly between the African Americans and whites, and not as much between other races. I heard people share their hurts and couldn’t believe that they had endured certain prejudices through their lives. I couldn’t believe that some of it was still happening either! Hadn’t we grown out of this as a country? Well, I guess I was getting my diversity education after all.

As the years have gone by, my eyes have been opened to more of the racial injustices and inequalities in the world. I am saddened to learn about them, both past and present. But this learning is also a part of growing up, maturing, and entering into society. I was protected from a lot of what was going on in the nation and around the world because I was young and focused on studying, but now my focus has widened. My ears are opened and so are my eyes.

Sometimes People will Assume…

Case in point: As I was sharing a particular insecurity with a non-white friend, she said that sometimes I was just going to be seen in a way that’s not the truth of who I really am on the inside or for the true motivations of my heart. Sometimes people will make assumptions about me based on their perceptions without really coming to understand the heart of who I am. … And then I got it. This is what my non-white friends, family, neighbors, classmates, workmates, and strangers have had to come to terms with early in life. They learned at a young age that, “Some people are just going to treat you badly… because of your skin color/race.”

I didn’t have to learn that growing up. No one cautioned me that people would treat me differently because of my skin color. Instead, I was taught not to treat others differently because of their skin color. When I was cautioned that some people might think badly of me without cause, it was due to my beliefs, my actions, or my preferences, but not my skin color.

Be the Change for the Future…

Although there are strides to make it better, it is sad that it’s still a part of our reality at all. I want to be a part of positive change for the future. I want my actions and words to be laced in love and understanding. I want my inner thoughts to be first thinking the best about people, not assuming the worst. And in regards to a transracial adoption, I want my child to experience the same positive openness that I seek to give to all those around me.

One way I’m doing this currently is by reading and listening to a lot of media about transracial adoption. The books, blogs, and podcasts have opened my eyes to so many more factors involved in the everyday life of non-white children. Often, I’m amazed at the wealth of cultural diversity displayed by all these different people groups and then other times I’m so filled with sorrow at the negative aspects of racial prejudice in our society. I’m encouraged when I hear about the ways that people have made changes and triumphed over these negative situations. It helps me learn how I can be a part of the change, by acting in a way that’s always honoring of all people groups and just by loving the person in front of me without taking skin color into effect. Each individual is a person to be treated with the utmost respect just from the simple fact that we are all created by God who loves us each as His fabulous child.

Past Participation…

As I reflect more, I am encouraged to realize that even though I didn’t know how much I was missing in the racial arena years ago, I have consistently taken strides to be involved in interracial groups. As I mentioned before, I joined our Racial Reconciliation Group at church to be a part of positive change in my community. But, I also was heavily involved in an International Group and even shared the Director role with my husband for a time. We had wonderful opportunities to be deeply involved in with Chinese & Korean individuals. When I look back on my time with this group of people, my heart feels such warmth of love and gratitude. We were immediately welcomed to participate in the cultural celebrations and meals with our East Asian friends. It was fascinating, fun, and filled with joy.

Even though we’re not directly involved with this ministry anymore, God hasn’t stopped tugging at my heart to keep learning about different cultures and valuing the different parts of these groups. We traveled to three European countries in the last year and got to see how even within our white-to-white interactions there, we had so much diversity. Actually, Brussels had a lot of diversity outside of our common European ancestry due to it being an international city. My heart is inspired to continue to love those around me, celebrate the unique traditions that make each of us part of our own cultures, and learn, learn, learn!

How Are You Learning?…

I am making steps and strides towards a greater understanding of racial diversity. Sometimes it might seem like it’s slow going, but there’s great encouragement when I see that it’s not stagnant. What about you? In what ways have you worked towards greater racial diversity – whether in learning or participate – in your life? I’d LOVE to hear what’s moved you forward in this area in the past and present.

Adoption, family, God, My Story

Could This Be Our Match?

January 24, 2020 brittanymputman

Wednesday…

It was a Wednesday afternoon. The kids had just come home from school when I saw an email from our adoption agency. They had an expectant mother they’d be showing family profiles to in the next week and they wanted to show ours to her. Our criteria fit her situation very nicely, the only problem… we weren’t done with our profile book yet! Actually, we weren’t even close.

I quickly forwarded the email to my husband, Putty, with only one word in the message, “Read!!!!!” To say I was a little excited would be an understatement. The experience of this, our first message about a potential match, jolted my being into a heightened sense of anticipation. But it quickly crashed. Even after forwarding the email for Putty to read, I knew that realistically we couldn’t pull this thing together. I was already preparing myself to hear him say, “No, it’s not possible to get it done in time.”

Well, he got home from work and I eventually brought up the email. Instead of giving him a chance to dash my hopes with realism, I said that as exciting as it would be, maybe we should let them know that we won’t be able to have the book done in time. He agreed.

Shutterfly offers a digital program to make a book as well as other photo sites

That night, I had to talk to God about this possible match. I could tell I really longed to make everything work out so that we could present a profile book to this mother along with the other families’ books. I wanted to be picked and be on our way with preparing for our new addition. (It’s a little like when you’re trying to get pregnant and you think and hope you might be pregnant, but it’s too early to take a pregnancy test.)

What I heard from God wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I very clearly felt like He was saying this wasn’t the match for us. Even though it was exciting, I shouldn’t get connected to this match because it wasn’t His choice for us. My heart was sad, but I also felt peaceful about it. I know that it’s better not to rush into things, and if we finished our book to present to this expectant mother, we would definitely be rushing and ‘making things happen’ on our own.

Friday…

Each Friday we make a plan for what we need to accomplish that weekend, what we want to accomplish, and what would be fun to accomplish that weekend. The Friday following the adoption match email was no different. We started adding things to our list so we could discuss and make decisions on how this weekend would look for us. It was apparent to us that we needed a weekend that wasn’t filled with tons of stuff to do. We have had a lot of busy weekends with more to come, so we left a lot of space open.

I suddenly realized that I never emailed back our adoption agency about the potential match. I dragged myself to my computer to carry out my assigned task of responding to them. I wasn’t looking forward to telling them, “No, not this time,” but I knew I had to. I let them know where we were at in the process of finishing our profile book and said we’d be working on it in case they wanted to share about our family even without being able to show the book. We definitely planned to finish it, we just couldn’t do it so quickly.

With that email sent, we continued to finish off the things on our list. It all went pretty quickly and Putty realized he felt a bit of creative energy building to work on the adoption profile. So, that afternoon he went to a coffee shop to work on the design of the book from the plan he had worked out weeks earlier. I had the fun task of going through all our photos and uploading relevant ones to a digital album where he could access them and use them in the book. I loved going through our family photos from over the years and looking at each photo to see what ones would tell the best story from a first glance. But more than that, I was excited that we were once again moving forward on our adoption process.

Saturday…

True to our need, we took a slow Saturday morning. The kids played on screens which gave us extra time to sleep and do devotional time and reading. It was soooo needed and really recharged us. We called the kids up from screen time and got breakfast out for them. Putty was doing some Bible time and so, we didn’t see him at the breakfast table. Eventually he told me he wanted to ‘just take a little more time’ on the adoption profile book. I definitely was happy to give him as much time as he wanted. So, as his creative energy flowed, I kept the kids (and myself) occupied.

As time went by, I started to wonder if Putty had eaten breakfast without me knowing it. He really seemed to be working on this book for a long time. Surely, he had taken a quick break to get a bit of nourishment and then headed back to his design work. The hours came and went and I began lunch preparation. That’s when Putty called me to see what he had done. He had practically finished the book! He looked at the clock and couldn’t believe his eyes! “Is it really time for lunch already? I just worked through breakfast! I didn’t realize I had been doing this for so long.”

It was pretty surprising. After planning our weekend to have some slow times, we seemed to fill it with working on the profile after all. The slow time and the motivation from Wednesday’s email, seemed to be just what we needed to make a big dent in this huge project.

Sunday…

By Sunday evening, we were ready to put the finishing touches on our Family Adoption Profile. We finalized which photos we were going to use, we tightened up some of our text and reviewed our work. I was in awe of this book that came together so quickly over the weekend. A weekend we hadn’t planned to use in this way and a project that we didn’t want to rush. As we pressed ORDER, I was so thankful for the way this all worked out for us! Because the work came out of rest, it wasn’t rushed and we weren’t depleted by it. We really made something we were proud of and will one day be very happy to share with our adopted child.

This book really synthesized what our family is about. We got a chance to reflect on this crazy journey of the Putman family and put into words and photos all that’s come about since we said, ‘I do’ 14.5 years ago. Our family is filled with adventure, love, family, fun, friends hope, community, and above all of that a desire to follow hard after God. It made me take notice of how many opportunities we’ve had for travel, international relationships, and cultural diversity. I reflected on the family and friends in our lives and feel so grateful for the support and love all around us! From all this, we created something that shares the broad overview of our current life in a really neatly designed, compact package.

So, this time I couldn’t wait to email our adoption agency again. “We finished our adoption profile book! But, unfortunately, they won’t arrive until the following week. So, we won’t have them this week. We’ll leave it up to you if you’d like to show us to this expectant mother or pass this time around.” I hadn’t heard anything since our last email sent on Friday, so I was interested to see if there was any way we could still be shown to this mother.

However, I still had the feeling that this wasn’t the baby God had for us. I tried to rationalize that maybe I didn’t hear God correctly and was trying to help myself feel better about not having a profile book ready. This was on Friday. I tried to rationalize that maybe God really was trying to keep us from rushing, and now we hadn’t. So, maybe He’ll work it out so that we can be shown (and chosen) after all! This was on Sunday. Still, on Monday I shared with Putty that I wasn’t sure this was supposed to be and I asked if he’d gotten any sense. He hadn’t really prayed specifically about this one because it was so early in the process and the mother hadn’t even chosen us at this point. That made a lot of sense-wait until there’s more details before trying to plan everything.

Tuesday…

Well, Monday came and went. No email from our agency. On Tuesday morning I got the email I had been waiting for. It seemed like even if we had been able to get our profile in for the proper week, the birth mother wanted to look at families immediately and had already made her choice on Thursday. We were out of the running before the race even began! I felt a mix of emotions. I was sad because I had hoped that maybe this would be it. Maybe it really would be ‘this easy and quick.’ This news hit me a little bit like when you think you’re pregnant and then realize one way or another that you actually aren’t. So, it’s onto the next cycle of waiting and hoping.

At the same time, I was relieved. I’m glad to know so quickly that it wasn’t going to work out and I could let go of that hope for this time and maintain waiting on God for our child. I was encouraged too. This was confirmation that I had heard God correctly. Time and again I seem to need affirmation that I hear God’s voice correctly and this was another of those instances. I also felt thankful that God didn’t have our agency respond to us until after we finished our profile. Honestly, this whole bunch of excitement coupled with the let down was worth it because it got us moving on the adoption profile book and lit a fire under me once again to keep pressing into the adoption process. What a big weight off our shoulders to be done with such a big step in this process.

The Following Wednesday…

So, what’s next? Well, I’m writing this blog and reflecting on how this past week has affected my thinking, feeling, and actions. The holiday season really put the adoption process on hold as so many other things took priority, but now it’s over. Now, my mind and heart are feeling the familiar tug of growing our family. I’m excited to keep learning about interracial adoption, adoption in general, and waiting with anticipation for our adoption match.

We still don’t know the definite way that our adoption match will come, but we’re trusting God and asking Him to lead the process. Maybe we’ll be matched through our small agency (Illini Christian Ministries), maybe we’ll be matched through an adoption attorney or larger agency, or maybe there’ll be some sort of connection made through our personal contacts. We don’t know, but we trust that God does and in that trust we will remain steady and full of hope and anticipation.

Adoption, God, My Story

Truth Among Questions

January 17, 2020 brittanymputman

Unexpected News…

I saw her clench her arms around her stomach and double over. She leaned into the wall behind her and slid down to a sitting position. She looked like she was in pain. She was crying and almost seemed oblivious to the fact that I was clearly able to see her. I asked God if she was sick because that’s the only thing that made sense to me. I wondered if I needed to help her in some way or just stay out of the way.

Then, I clearly sensed Him tell me that she was pregnant and it was unexpected. She had just found out and the news was overwhelming to her. She didn’t know what she was going to do. All the questions came at her. What will her parents say? What will her friends say? What will she do about this? Who can she trust with this information? Who will help her?

Immediately, I started to pray for this woman, and not just her, but all women who find themselves in this situation. I pray that they would have the Holy Spirit’s comfort. I pray for people to come around them and help them through this unexpected turn of events. I pray that God will give them grace to choose life over death for the baby. I pray that their fear will give way to hope. I pray that they can see the sunshine through this rain. I pray for peace to drive out all the overwhelming feelings. I pray for Jesus’ perfect peace to rest on their minds and bring clear-thinking to them.

Why didn’t I go over to her, you may be asking. Well, God was speaking to me in a dream. I wasn’t physically in the same place as this person. I don’t even know if she is real, but what she represents is very real. The sense that God was calling me to pray was very real. It was an intense moment to cry out for women who are pregnant with a child that for one reason or another they can’t keep. A child whose very life is in the hands of its momma.

Questions and Lies…

As I’ve waded through my decisions regarding what type of adoption process we should head towards, I have reflected a lot about WHY we are choosing private adoption. Is it just because WE want it? Does it seem to be selfish? Is it just the ‘easy way out’? Why would we choose this option instead of just having another biological child or adopting a child who’s already in existence? Why are we putting our hat in the same ring as so many couples who can’t conceive? We aren’t infertile, so are we taking away another person’s chance to adopt? It just doesn’t always make sense.

These are very real and hard questions to face. It puts me looking straight into the eyes of a lot of self-revelation. My people-pleaser part starts to rear its head. It says, ‘You should be doing what most people will approve of.’ Don’t most people think that an adoptive couple with biological children should only adopt orphans or kids that would have the hardest time finding a family?

‘This is the easy way to adopt,’ lies the idol of comfort. It might seem that way, but, no. This is not any easier than other adoption processes. There is still plenty of hard stuff.

My competitive side shares another untruth, ‘Why are you competing with infertile couples for children? Don’t you know that there’s only so many babies and that you’re ‘taking’ one from a couple who REALLY wants a child?’ Am I really intentionally taking away the chance for another couple to experience parenting?

Answers & Truth…

I have to decide should I approach my adoption experience with all these other considerations in mind? It’s taken some time, but God made it clear that I need to listen to Him. I’ve written about this before, but don’t you know that the old patterns try to keep creeping in. So, I once again find myself reminding me what God said. God made it clear to adopt through private domestic adoption. He’s reminded me that my adoption process might not look the same as the other people I know who have adopted. He’s reminded me to be secure in Him and His plan for us.

As I reflect more on this, He’s shown me some other things that help me stay in the mindset of keeping God’s plan first rather than the opinions of others. He’s shown me something for each member of the adoption triad: birth parents, adoptive parents, and the child placed for adoption.

Adoptive Parents (Us)…

First, God knows what my family can handle right now. He knows our schedule (present and future) and He knows each of our specific capacities in life. He has led us to private domestic adoption because He knows that it’s what is BEST for our family right now. So, the people-pleaser lie can stand down.

Child to be Adopted…

Second, a newborn placed for adoption has no choice in where he/she will grow up. But that doesn’t mean this child isn’t thought about by God. God knows what family will be good for each child. It could be possible that the best place for any given child is with our family and that makes my perceived ‘competition’ with infertile couples irrelevant. It’s not competition, it’s about finding a home for the child and I trust God to help with that decision regardless of who’s in the pool of families to choose from. The competitive lie can stand down.

Birth Mother/Expectant Mother…

Lastly, the Birth Mother, or expectant mother (pre-birth), has been on my mind a lot more than I anticipated. The more I’ve learned about different stories and scenarios that prompt some expectant mothers to make adoption plans, the more I seem to be putting myself into their shoes. What an incredibly hard decision this must be! And even if it’s an obvious choice to make a plan for adoption, the expectant mother is still sacrificing by allowing her baby to grow in her and be birthed through her! This is an incredible gift made by ANY biological mother.

What really comes to mind is how big of a choice the expectant mother is making when she chooses the parents of her unborn child. This mother is shown family profiles and then she can meet a few of the people to see how well they connect. Ultimately, she is the one who chooses the parents-to-be for her baby. This is hard stuff!

I realize that what I can give to an expectant mother before she even chooses the adoptive parents is a choice. I can give her my family as a choice for her baby. Without prospective adoptive parents doing the hard work to be approved to adopt, the expectant mothers wouldn’t have these families as choices. I’m so glad that what I can first give to a birth mother is another good option for someone to raise her baby. The lie of taking the easy way out can stand down.

Prayer Request…

This is a complicated process. I’ve really enjoyed learning so many more of the ins and outs related to adoption. I am glad that God’s been giving me more compassion towards expectant mothers. I had already felt an innate compassion towards the unborn child, but this is new territory. Please join me in praying for the entire adoption triad as we move forward with our next step in our adoption process – being a good choice for an expectant mother.

Adoption, My Story

Adoption Update: December 2019

December 6, 2019 brittanymputman

We’re Approved!…

We can finally, officially say that our home study has been finalized and approved! This means that we can adopt at any time! This means we can put ourselves out there so that expectant moms wanting to make an adoption plan can confidently know that we are approved to adopt. This means we can apply for grants and scholarships! There are so many things that can happen now that we’ve been approved.

The Wait…

I hear that what we’ll do most in this stage is wait. Because of the type of adoption we’re doing, we’ll be waiting to for an expectant mother to hear about our desire to adopt and then choose us to be the prospective adoptive parents of her child. The decision is first up to the expectant mother.

What to Do?…

With that in mind, there are still things we can do while we wait. First, we need to make up a profile book about our family so that an expectant mother can get a first glimpse of who we are and what type of family her child might be raised in. If the mother feels some connection to us after viewing this book, she can request to meet us in person. From there we’d just see how things feel on both sides and continue steps either towards or away from working on adoption together.

Second, we’ll be getting the word out that we’re hoping to adopt. It’s not unlikely for a friend of a friend to know an expectant mother who is looking to make an adoption plan. If this happens, then we’ll all start the process of meeting and deciding if working towards adoption together is in everyone’s best interest.

Third, we will start working more diligently on our fundraising and grant/scholarship plans. We definitely want to include many people in our adoption process and so far we’ve asked mostly for prayer and reading our updates, but helping financially is another practical way to help us make this dream into a reality!

More Specific Information…

There are more specifics to our adoption process than what I’ve shared in Social Media. If you’d like to ask more specific questions of us, please feel free to Comment, send me a Facebook Message, or even ask me in person! I definitely want to talk about this topic with people, but I probably won’t bring up details unless I know it’s something you’re interested in dialoguing about.

Thank You…

Again, we want to thank all of you who have been so supportive on our adoption journey this far! We’re really excited and it’s been so wonderful to see the various ways people have offered their support as we’ve delved into the adoption process. Thank you!

Adoption, family, My Story

They Don’t Even Know

November 15, 2019 brittanymputman

They Don’t Even Know…

“They (my kids) don’t even know how much their life is going to change tomorrow!” I thought this on the eve of the birth of my third child. I had a scheduled C-section for the next day and I remember thinking that ‘overnight’ our family’s life would never be the same. The kids would go from having all my attention to a period when they really wouldn’t have much of my attention at all. My youngest would be forced to start allowing Daddy and other people to help him more because, as the preferred person to take care of ALL his needs, I’d be helping another little one more helpless than him instead. There were so many other ways that I knew our family wouldn’t be the same from that point on.

In a way, I mourned what ‘had been’ in my life with each additional child. I had come to feel comfortable with the status quo and I knew what to expect and how to get things done. With trepidation, I anticipated the hard work ahead and the new adjustments that each family member would be making with a new addition. It wasn’t going to be a walk in the park.

Just the Other Day…

And now, just the other day I had the same thought come to my mind as I looked around the table at my sweet family. “The kids don’t know how much life will change when we add another child to our family.” Even if the children can remember some of the ways things changed with a new baby addition, they can’t begin to anticipate how a trans-racial adoption will add new and complex changes to our family’s life.

Just thinking about this brought about a little sadness to me. I love the family that I have right now. I love how we are and I love how we’re growing and changing. I love what I can expect and the stage that we’re in right now, but just like with each biological child addition, there will be changes with an adopted child addition too.

Positive Overshadows Negative…

But, haven’t I seen beauty in addition to the hardships? The positive impact of growing our family little by little has yielded much more good fruit than the bad fruit of the negative impact due to the loss of the status quo. It’s because of these positive additions to our lives, that we can do this over and over again. We have gained joy immeasurable! We have gained love unfathomable! We have gained compassion, grace, selflessness, and cooperation in ways unknown before we made these changes.

New Stages and Changes…

Yes, it’s true that my kids don’t know what life changes lie ahead for them, but I know that these changes will be far more good than bad. Even though it will be tough at the beginning as transition occurs, I know that once we get our new rhythm, we’ll be even more in sync than before. Our relationships will deepen with one another and we will get to include another human being in the mix to share in these intimate family times! Our family unit will be stretched, but it will also be strengthened.

I am really looking forward to this new stage in our family life – adoption – and all the unique changes that will take place. Yes, there will be sadness in the letting go of ‘what has been’, but I am looking forward with hopeful anticipation to the ‘what will be!’ Does this relate to any other parts of my life? I can think of lots of other ways that my life has faced changes that didn’t involve adding children. How about a new job/school/church, a new in-law/step-family/cousin, a new home location/town/state, etc.?

I’d love to hear from you! What have been areas in your life that you had to mourn the ‘what was’, but found great joy in the ‘what came’? Are you facing any situations like this right now? I pray that we all can look forward with hopeful anticipation in our current and upcoming life changes.

Adoption, Bible, God, My Story

Michal & The Joy of the Lord

October 21, 2019 brittanymputman

Quiet Time…

There are times when I read my Bible and nothing notable stands out to me. Yet, I diligently read the Bible over and over again because I know it’s good for me. How do I know? Well, besides, ‘the Bible tells me so,’ it’s because of the times when things in the Bible do stand out to me! I wanted to share some thoughts that came to me while I was reading 2 Samuel 6.

Michal…

I always thought Michal, David’s wife, had a real problem for getting so upset with him for dancing and praising the Lord half-dressed in the streets. I mean, wasn’t he praising God after all? God wasn’t striking him dead and it seemed to be portrayed as a ‘good’ thing to do in the text. And even if she was upset with David, he was her king! Kings demand honor and respect whether or not we agree with them. So, why would she put herself in a precarious position by judging the king? This time reading through the story, I saw something a bit different than usual. I saw Michal as a person and considered her history…

Her Story…

…She’s in love with a man who has a rocky relationship with her father. But, he’s in love with her too and he asks for her hand. The father, thinking he can get rid of this suitor sends him on a crazy task in hopes that he’ll die trying or just give up. But he’s surprised. David has indeed done what Saul asks of him and Michal becomes David’s wife.

Michal and David probably don’t have the easiest of marriages. After all, over and over again, Michal’s dad, Saul, who’s also David’s boss, tries to harm him. Finally, it becomes apparent that Saul does indeed mean to kill David when he has the chance. David seemingly has no choice. Preservation of life demands that he run away, not to mention the godly promise of being the future king!

In an act of heroism, Michal says, ‘If you do not escape with your life tonight, tomorrow you will be killed.’ She lowers David out the window and when the guards come to the house to search for David, Michal tells them he’s sick in bed, hoping this would buy them some time. It doesn’t work. The guards go to the bed and pull back the covers only to see that a dummy has been made to look like David and placed in bed. David was already out the window and making his get away to Samuel the prophet.

As David stays away from home in order to save his life, Michal is left on her own. Saul eventually decides to give her in marriage to another man. Over the years this man seems to come to love Michal deeply as is shown later in the story. When David’s kingship is being established, he requires that his first wife, Michal be returned to him. As she is being transported to David, her husband follows behind, weeping. The first question that comes to mind is, who would Michal rather be with at this stage in her life? Her first love or the man who she’s currently with? Poor Michal must feel like a pawn being fought over between two kingdoms – Saul’s line and David’s line.

The Hurt and Pain Shows…

We get a glimpse of how she might be feeling when David returns from retrieving the Ark of the Covenant. He’s praising God and dancing in celebration of the Ark being brought to his city that he unashamedly ‘leaps and dances before the Lord.’ The Bible tells us that when Michal saw this from her window, she despised him. That word carries such weight. I imagine that all the resentment, hurt, and pain of her life comes out against David as she sees him full of joy. How long has she held onto the pain of his earlier abandonment, even though she encouraged it? How long has she held onto the hurt of being taken, some might say kidnapped, from her second husband that she had made a life with during the years David was gone? It seems like the hurt, resentment and possible unforgiveness clouded her vision to see the joy of the moment – God’s presence entering the city. The only way she could respond was with disrespect and judgement towards her husband. Still, even with all this backstory, there had to have been a way for redemption.

“David Brings the Ark to Jerusalem” by Darlene Slavujac, 1993

My Own Hurt…

This led me to look at my own life more closely. How often do I have resentment towards other people and miss what God’s doing in and around me? How many times have I judged someone or something (an organization maybe) because of the pain and hurt caused to me. In what ways is that unforgiveness and bitterness robbing me of the ‘Joy of the Lord’?

Let’s bring it to a very real place in my life. During my elementary aged years I had to be interviewed by a DHS (Department of Human Services) worker to determine if a certain person had ever abused me. You see, I was in frequent contact with a man who had an allegation made against him of abusing a child from nearly a decade earlier – this child now being a teenager. I was interviewed by the DHS social worker assigned to the case in a one-on-one meeting – this being necessary so that no other person could potentially influence my responses and answers. The worker who interviewed me made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. He asked me questions that I didn’t want to answer or think about. I had not been abused and so it was hard for me to come to terms with and have an understanding of what he was suggesting. In that interview, I felt like my innocence was being stripped from me. I felt dirty just thinking about the things he was insinuating.

That interaction and process put a bad taste in my mouth for Social Services. I held onto a dislike for ‘the system’ for YEARS! I was afraid of the people and didn’t trust the system. I had bad memories and images in my mind from the questions I was asked. I couldn’t get over the feeling of being sullied and I was angry that I had to ‘grow up’ sooner than I should have.

But finally, in my adulthood, God came to me in a new way. He gently prompted me to receive some deep inner healing prayer. Through those hours spent praying, I was finally able to release my judgement of DHS and other social services. I was able to forgive the institution that made me see parts of life I never wanted to know about. In relinquishing my right to judge, God peeled back the layers of hurt and moved me towards freedom. Freedom to trust, freedom to see the good in systems and freedom to regain my childlike innocence.

The Joy of the Lord…

And now, I’m working with social workers and allowing them to privately interview my own kids in order to be approved for adoption. I can tell you, it was really hard to feel comfortable allowing each of my kids to be interviewed privately by our caseworker, but I also have come to trust. Through establishing a relationship with our caseworker, I could see that she is not like the social worker that interviewed me so many years ago. I’ve also learned from others who have been through this before, that the adoption questions are super general and don’t go towards subjects that I had to discuss so many years ago – unless there was a good reason to. After my kids came out from interviewing, each of them was so happy and excited that they got to have a special part in making our adoption approval come to fruition. I’m so thankful that I have presently and will see in the future the ‘Joy of the Lord’ while working with this institution towards adoption!

Trust, Honor, Respect…

Reading Michal’s story and trying to imagine what life might have been like for her really helped me to get a different idea of why she responded like she did. It also helped me to apply it to my own life circumstances. I have had enough negative experiences to be able to feel justified in holding a grudge against people and even against my king, Jesus/God. But if I did that, then where would I be? I’ve chosen to release my judgement of situations because I don’t know all the details. I can’t know all the possible outcomes or all the spiritual forces happening behind the scenes. BUT, I do know that I can trust God to bring about good in my life through the pain and trials. I can choose to see the ‘Joy of the Lord’ in my past, present and future. And even when I don’t understand, I still choose to honor and respect my King, Jesus. I know one thing, when given the opportunity, I will dance with great abandon in the presence of the Holy Spirit/God.

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness (joy) of the Lord in the land of the living.
Psalm 27:13

Adoption, God, My Story, Praise and Worship

Espresso & Mocha

October 11, 2019 brittanymputman

First, I blogged…

I began blogging because I had so many things inside that I wanted to share with people, but it just didn’t seem like there was often a lot of time to ‘shoot the breeze.’ The blog has been a great place for me to share my stories, reflect on how God’s been a part of each of them, and dream about my future. It’s helped, healed, and grown me in ways I didn’t know would happen when I started. It wasn’t my idea to start blogging, it was God’s. So, a few weeks back I decided to blog about a joy that was given to me during a painful transition in my childhood – a Siamese Kitten. That kitten was so special to me and I was very sad when I had to give him up after only a year or so because we were moving to a new home and couldn’t have the cat.

Fast forward to not long ago. It was the end of the work week after what had been a very busy week and preceding weekend. I getting some rest time in before the kids came home from school and another busy weekend began. At this point Putty, my husband, had been on a work trip for nearly 1.5 weeks and I was being intentional to get some down time in whenever possible. I decided to read that afternoon, but as I was reading I felt very strongly like I needed to get up and make a video recording of a praise and worship song that had been on my heart that week. After I finished, I sat back down to upload the video and continue reading and that’s when I received a text notification.

Then, I Received…

I received a text from my mom. She had been volunteering at the Humane Society/Animal Shelter when she happened to come across some new kittens that were just put out for adoption… Siamese kittens! She stopped in her tracks and couldn’t believe her eyes! She talked with God about how I had just blogged about my first Siamese kitten and then less than 2 weeks later, here were adoptable ones just the same! She heard God tell her that these kittens were a gift to me, her daughter. As soon as she could, she sent me a text about these kittens.

I played it cool and tried not to get too excited about them. I had a number of reasons why it wasn’t the time for us to adopt kittens, the biggest of which was that my husband was across the globe in Australia! How could we make this decision and why on earth would he agree to adopting them without meeting them?

Then, Mom sent me the links for the pictures of these kittens. My heart fell for them immediately. Not to mention, their names were already meant for us: Espresso & Mocha! We love coffee. That was that. I texted my sister to get another opinion and while I was texting I started to cry over the possibility that these kittens could be mine! I didn’t understand it, but it sure felt like a confirmation that God was leading me to keep exploring the idea of adopting these kittens. So, I texted Putty and his response floored me. He told me that he couldn’t really discern one way or the other if we should get these cats, but that he felt positive that God was telling him to go with my lead on this. So, the decision was up to me.

I quickly asked my friend to come babysit, then asked Mom to meet me at the Humane Society, and I was on my way to see these little ones. I knew that I needed to take the next step of seeing them in person. On my way, I asked God about these kittens and He told me that they were a gift for me if I wanted them and that He has already provided for us to have these two join our family. I cried tears of joy. He also reminded me how I had just posted a video of me singing Reckless Love by Cory Asbury only a few hours earlier. This song always reminds me of adoption and here I was going forward with a potential adoption! I was racing after these kittens just as God chases after us.

I met those sweet kittens and I already felt like they were mine. I didn’t need a lot of time before heading to the front desk and letting them know I wanted to apply for adopting them. In the time it took me to fill out my paperwork, two other interested people changed their minds and adopted other pets. I couldn’t believe it! I was going to be first in line to adopt them! What are the chances? Well, pretty good when God is presenting you with a gift and you walk the steps out to receive it or in this case, them.

Now, I Steward…

The next day I went shopping for new cat items even before hearing that I was approved to adopt them. Then I got the call that I had been approved and could come pick them up in a few hours! Immediately after the kids came home from school I got us all in our minivan and we were on our way. The kids didn’t know what was about to happen. They thought we were just going to take a trip to the Humane Society and see some animals that Grandma wanted to show them. They were so excited when after seeing them for the first time I announced that we were going to bring them home. Right away their hearts moved towards the kittens, holding nothing back.

It’s been so fun to see the kids and the kittens interact. They have so much fun together. It’s been great to see how much my husband loves having kittens around again and it reminds me of how much he loves even the littlest creatures and how gentle he is with them. And every time I see them or tell the story of how we got them, I’m reminded that God loves me and still wants to give gifts to me, even 25 years later!